They were raisin' hell all over earth When the noise got so damn loud That it reached up to heaven and woke up God, Who was sleepin' on a king-size cloud.
He says, "How they expect a body to rest When they raise hell at three in the morn? Damn, I'm gonna kill 'em all, Teach 'em a lesson--Hey, Gabriel, blow your horn."
Gabriel grins and fingers his valves. He says, "Ooh, I'm gonna play some shit. I been waitin' so long, I got so many songs But the music has got to fit.
"So tell me, how you gonna do it, Big G, With fire or with flood?
You gonna plague 'em with a pestilence, Or cover 'em over with mud?
"You gonna hit 'em with a thunderbolt?
Or maybe turn off the sun?
Or just reach down a big old thumb And crush 'em, one by one?"
And God says, "Gabriel, y'know, now I see Just why you stayed so small.
Why wreak my vengeance in just one way, When I can cause 'em all?
"So first I'm gonna hang 'em And watch 'em squirm awhile But I think I'll do it with neckties So they can choke in style.
"Then while they're hangin,' I'll come with fire And fill their lungs with smoke.
But I'll let 'em do it with cigarettes, And if that don't make 'em croak,
"There's poisons that I'll feed 'em In their daily bread each day.
And they 'll gulp the preservatives and eat the dyes And lick away the pesticide spray.
"Then I'll destory their mortal souls And like the serpents they're gonna crawl For a puff of grass or a line of coke Or a sip of alcohol.
"And I'll bend their backs and break their minds By givin' 'em prizes to chase And they'll sweat and they'll be strainin' for that golden ring And they'll die while runnin' the race.
"And the thought of bein' fat or old Is gonna scare 'em right out of their wits.
And if there's any left-well, they'll munch each other Or blow each other to bits.
"Anyway, they've sown their poison seeds And this is the crop they're gonna reap."
And Gabriel put away his horn And God went back to sleep.
