Playboy's 20Q: Andy Richter

conan's former couch potato on pornography, overeating and his plan to rebuild iraq

It wasn't that Andy Richter had a problem with being second banana to Conan O'Brien for seven years. The problem was, Richter, 36, star of Fox' Andy Richter Controls the Universe, had the acting bug and couldn't shake it. The Michigan native attended the University of Illinois, studying film and video. He then worked with several Chicago-area improv pros, including the late Second City veteran Del Close.

Before joining Conan, Richter appeared in Chris Elliott's notorious bomb, Cabin Boy. Toward the end of his Late Night run, Richter upped the ante with appearances in Robert Altman's Dr. T and the Women and, in 2002, Barry Sonnenfeld's Big Trouble.

The Emmy nominee for Best Comedy Writing (Late Night and Universe) continues his big-screen career with roles in The Guest and Frank McKlusky CI.

Robert Crane caught up with the posse-free Richter at La Luna in Hollywood.

1

Playboy: What does your Richter scale measure?

Richter: Just my passing judgment on everything and everyone at all times. It's my dark secret how truly judgmental I am. I try to be nice about it. I used to get criticized a lot for being cynical or too critical, so I had to surround myself with like-minded, professional bitches. And now I'm one of the more sunny people from my circle.

2

Playboy: How did you remain interested in the process during all those years of sitting there listening to celebrities babble?

Richter: This is nothing against Conan, but frequently the interviews are pretty much the same. So, as a diversion, you look for the plastic surgery scars. I had a good angle, because I was looking right at the backs of their ears, which is where all the flesh gets gathered and is snipped off. Then you begin to notice the liposuction scar in the middle of the chin, the face-lift scar that's in the hair. Also, you notice the beard growing behind the ears, because all of that skin has now moved north a few degrees. You can see that some men have to shave behind their ears after a while. The things I love, and that I feel are intimate little secrets, are the spider veins on a supermodel's leg. Or the pit stains of famous actresses are exciting--I felt lucky to see them. One supermodel was wearing clear plastic pumps and her feet were getting hot, so the shoes were fogging up with her foot sweat, and I just thought that was one of the best things I'd ever seen.

3

Playboy: Any tips on how to behave on a couch for hours on end?

Richter: Well, if you want to look good, don't sit on the couch, because it makes you slouch. That was always the secret on the talk shows. And you'll notice the host gets to hide behind a desk, because everyone looks good from the sternum up.

4

Playboy: Define second-banananess.

Richter: In the Ziegfeld Follies, there was a number where all the dancers came together dressed in banana costumes and formed a bunch of bananas. The star of the show was at the top and the second star was the second banana. It's a good thing to be a supporting player. It makes you less vulnerable, that's for sure.

5

Playboy: List styles of obsequiousness that approached the line but didn't cross over.

Richter: I didn't have to worry about it that much, because in instances where I've had to actually conduct interviews when I've guest-hosted, or when I'm interviewing someone whose work I'm not particularly fond of, I don't think I'm ever obsequious. I'm a little susceptible to people laughing at my every word. When my wife asks me what my opinion of somebody is I say, "He laughs at everything I say. I think he's fantastic.'' That's a hard one to beat, unless you're not trying to be funny.

6

Playboy: You are the third-highest scorer in Celebrity Jeopardy history. Was there a question that was particularly hard?

Richter: One thing you have to understand about Celebrity Jeopardy is that it's really not in the show's best interest to make celebrities look stupid, so the questions are pretty simple. Because it was taped in New York, there was a category about naming stores in New York. Like, "It starts with a Z and has lots of food.'' "What is Zabar's?'' Jeopardy is also a unique athletic competition, because it is a battle of thumbs. You have to get the rhythm of when to push the button, because if you push it before the question is over you're locked out for two seconds. There are lights on the side of the board that the audience doesn't see--the countdown is three, two, one and then you're free to answer. A friend of mine, who was head writer on the Conan show for a couple of years, was a legitimate Jeopardy champion--he took home 60 grand. When I was done he said, "You didn't try to ring in on the questions you didn't know the answers to. That's an interesting strategy.'' And, I thought, No, it isn't. I would look like an ass if I rang in and didn't know. But I guess other Jeopardy people figure that they'll take a chance, no matter what the question.

7

Playboy: Give us your blueprint for rebuilding Iraq. (continued on page 149)Andy Richter(continued from page 129)

Richter: Satellite dishes for everybody wouldn't hurt. I'm not a real political guy. I get confused and have a hard time seeing only one side of an issue. That's why much of my comedy is apolitical. There's something political about saying, "Everyone should be nice to each other.'' That's a political statement, but in terms of any particular issue or taking a particular stand, aside from murder being bad I'm not sure.

8

Playboy: Any plans to visit Baghdad like Sean Penn did?

Richter: No, no, no. It would be embarrassing, because nobody would know who the hell I was. Did they know who Sean Penn was?

9

Playboy: Any plans for all those palaces? Richter: Starwood Resorts. I'm in their points program, so I might get something out of that.

10

Playboy: Does the word Scud actually describe the aerodynamics of that particular missile?

Richter: I'm not sure. Maybe that word sounds better when it's said in Arabic. Maybe it means something really good.

11

Playboy: Share some of the sartorial tips you've gleaned from the great one, Jackie Gleason.

Richter: Don't be afraid of color. A purple suit looks good on anybody. As Anjel-ica Huston says in Prizzi's Honor, "Shapes come and go, but colors are eternal.''

12

Playboy: We've heard you're an office hooligan. What are some fun things we can do without getting caught?

Richter: If you find a camera at someone's desk--not a Polaroid but a regular-film camera, disposable or not--it's always fun to go into the bathroom and take a picture of your genitals and then replace it without being discovered. It's always a nice surprise, and, depending on how well known you are, you're probably not going to be identified. At Conan's show, NBC had firewalls against accessing porn. Some of it was silly, like if you wanted to look up information on breast cancer, they would keep you from doing it. So I started to find different code words that the NBC firewall people didn't know, one of which was bear--which is slang for big hairy gay men. So, you could look up bears and find lots of interesting stuff. I got the knack of sidestepping the industry firewalls and accessing terrible pictures and leaving them as somebody's wallpaper on their computer. And I could do it quickly. It got to where I could find some really unnerving pornography in less than a minute--in the time it would take someone to go to the bathroom.

13

Playboy: What was the worst image you left on someone's computer?

Richter: I've done it only once on my show this year, to one of the writers. I put a picture of a dolphin vagina on his computer, and that was pretty disturbing. I assume it was a vagina.

14

Playboy: Are the days of bare butts on Xerox copiers over?

Richter: Well, I know somebody who broke the copier glass with his ass. People are aware of the dangers now.

15

Playboy: Janeane Garofalo has said that you're the sexiest person on TV. How does that make you feel?

Richter: Pretty good. She's a friend of mine, so I don't know. She's ironic--she might have meant something else. She could have just been in a publicity mode. It's nice. Who doesn't want to hear that about themselves? Even clerics like to know they're sexy.

16

Playboy: What pranks and dumb things from our childhood should we resurrect for our adult lives?

Richter: I think the wedgie has a lovely equalizing feature. The world would be a better place if people were giving those out more freely.

17

Playboy: What are your favorite subdivisions of porn?

Richter: I'm really not a big pornography consumer, because I mostly get distracted by wondering, "Whose house is that? Look at the weird socks that guy is wearing. Yeah, I think they rented that bedspread.'' Also, when I find myself wanting porn, I need it for only three or four minutes. How can you be a connoisseur? After that, it's goodbye Spectravision, hello Discovery Channel.

18

Playboy: If you had to guess, were you not replaced on Conan because you're irreplaceable, or was it an occasion for the network to economize?

Richter: I don't think the network is allowed to economize. They hired a couple of writers--that money was spent somewhere. The budget doesn't go backward, it only goes forward. I don't know if I was so much irreplaceable as Conan probably didn't want to break anybody else in. You know, you've got a roommate you're pretty comfortable with and he moves out and you can afford the rent yourself. Why the hell would you want to get another roommate?

19

Playboy: Describe the Andy Richter diet.

Richter: I try moderation. My family lives in the Midwest, and the way people eat there just blows my fucking mind. I mean, I'm a carnivore, I enjoy meat and I like cheese, but there has to be some moderation. I don't have a steak at every meal. You go back to Illinois and everything is a Fred Flintstone meal with cheese sauce on it.

20

Playboy: Describe the Andy Richter workout regimen.

Richter: When I started working out, for the longest time I had an adversarial relationship with my body, and I still somewhat do. Janeane Garofalo talks about how she and her vagina are like roommates--"We just happen to share the same space; we're not pals or anything.'' That was the way I was with my body. My wife talked me into going to yoga once, and I am the only person who doesn't want to go back because yoga made me so angry. It's supposed to make you feel good, but it was all about getting into these contorted positions. "Now you should be feeling this on the right side of your lower back.'' "I don't feel it there, fuck this!'' If I'm not able to do something well, I usually don't do it. And it took a long time to get over that and learn how to lift the weights right and to isolate the thing you're supposed to be isolating. I need to start up again with a trainer, because that's the only way. I'm not getting out of bed to lift weights unless I'm paying somebody who's waiting for me. It's a combination of the money and the fact that there's another human being I've committed to. I'll back out on my own commitment. A commitment I make to myself? That's easy. Fuck that guy.