Speak the lingo: Even group-sex greenhorns need to learn the basics. Full swap: Trading partners with another couple for intercourse. Soft swing: Engaging in foreplay with another couple, then returning to your original partner. Same-room play: Trading partners and messing around in one room. Usually play implies everything but intercourse. V/E: Voyeurism and exhibitionism: no swapping, just watching and being watched. Different-room play: Swapping with another couple, then heading to separate rooms for sex. Girl play: The girls do it while the guys watch. Eat-in party: A private party where sex occurs on the premises. Take-out party: A party for meeting people and making arrangements to play later.
Dress to kill: Not you--your date. Everything hinges on your girlfriend's appeal, and her willingness to dress in an overtly sexual manner. Women should wear skirts and eschew underwear. As for men, tight briefs are allowed but considered tacky. Fitted boxers are preferred.
Stick to your role: When a couple is interested in an unattached female, the woman of the pair makes the approach while the man politely lingers. He may assist in closing the deal with comments like, "My girlfriend really likes you. It would be wonderful if you'd make her happy." Flattery will get you everywhere--this is a vain crowd.
Give, don't take: You see 10 people in a group grope. How to join in the fun? Take it slowly--feed an open mouth strawberries, offer to rub an ankle. But always ask permission first. Women are supposed to ask before they initiate contact, too, but once the fondling gets fast and furious, they tend to just reach out and touch someone.
Let them talk about you: After a flirtatious conversation between you, your date and another couple, they will excuse themselves and have a conversation out of earshot. They'll decide what they want to do--if anything--and get back to you. Be good-natured about it.
Know where you're going: Local gatherings can be found online (lifestyles-convention.com). Clubs and parties can be either on the premises, meaning the action goes down right there (see Chicago's Club Adventure at www.clubadventure.org), or off the premises, meaning you make your own arrangements with the people you meet (see Maryland's Rendezvous at secretrendezvous.net). For velvet-rope-style parties you need an invite. Check out organizations like Flirt (flirtnyc.com), Skin (skinparty.com) and One Leg Up (onelegupnyc.com). Make your application--and then head to the gym.
