Mascots Inc.
We're suckers for chicken suits, hot dog costumes and any other getups that give people license to act like incognito jackasses in public. But to do so on a regular basis? Sure enough, when Playboy.com interviewed former college sports mascots, we found out one thing: They're a few yards short of a first down.
Stanford's Tree Roots for the Home Team
[Q] Playboy: How did you land the job?
[A] Tree: I was wearing a bulletproof vest, and my friend shot me with a pistol.
[Q] Playboy: We understand you had body-guards, the Tree Protection Service.
[A] Tree: Yes, because Tree has a history of getting into fights.
[Q] Playboy: Did being Tree help you get more wood than usual?
[A] Tree: Stanford has a tradition called Full Moon in the Quad, which has evolved into an orgy. One year, dressed as Tree, I kissed 645 women.
[Q] Playboy: Any pregame rituals?
[A] Tree: I sat in an entirely black room, freebasing cocaine and listening to AC/DC's "Thunderstruck" on repeat.
Minnesota's Goldy Gets Some
[Q] Playboy: How did you get along with the other mascots?
[A] Goldy: My rival was the giant inflatable Subway sandwich. I knocked the crap out of that sub. I also took care of Bucky Badger from Wisconsin. Put him right through a card table.
[Q] Playboy: We hear you weren't modest about your rug-cutting skills either.
[A] Goldy: I had the best dance moves in the mascoting world. I did anything from the worm to break dancing.
[Q] Playboy: Ever get laid as Goldy?
[A] Goldy: Goldy's a ladies' man. He's well endowed. Ever seen the size of his tail?
Auburn's Aubie Wants Respect
[Q] Playboy: Did you get hurt on the job?
[A] Aubie: No, but some of my predecessors were injured. One Aubie jumped into some hedges and landed on a fence post.
[Q] Playboy: Ever beat up other mascots?
[A] Aubie: A few times. Whenever other mascots infringed on my territory, I made sure that Auburn came out on top.
[Q] Playboy: Was there a downside to being a mascot?
[A] Aubie: People didn't respect that there were real people doing this. I've heard of mascots' being thrown off balconies. Not funny.
For additional mascot interviews, go to Playboy.com/on-campus.
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Cyber Girl of the Month
Name: Jessica Renee. Birth date: January 13, 1981. I love to watch: "His hips as we're making love." In one word, I'm: "Tempting. My devilish body and innocent face are enough to tempt anyone." Worst pickup line: "Want to get married?" Worst date: "This guy who kept staring at me while he was driving. He almost crashed the car into a mailbox." I wish I were: "A cute little kitten. All they have to do is purr and they get exactly what they want." I'm glad I'm not: "Smurfette. If I had to live with all those guys and never see any girls. I would go insane."
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What did Adam Diaz of the Art Institute of Colorado say when he won our College Nude Photography Contest? "I haven't gotten straight A's, but this is 100 times more important than that." Diaz got to spend a day shooting Playboy intern and model Jenny Haase. Jealous? Enter this year's contest at playboy.com/on-campus/collegephoto.
