Playboy's 20Q: Kevin Smith

1

[Q] Playboy: In retrospect, considering the huge bomb that was Gigli, does casting Ben Affleck and Jennifer Lopez in your new movie, Jersey Girl, seem like a smart idea?

[A] Smith: Just make sure you don't call the movie Gigli 2. I wasn't one of the people who hated Gigli, but look, Jersey Girl is not about Ben and Jen. It's about Ben's character coping with being a dad, because Jen's character dies within the first 15 minutes. We were trying to keep that quiet at first, because her death is supposed to feel unexpected, but after the mess with Gigli, the secret got out. [smiles]Which was fine with me.

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[Q] Playboy: Did you bust Affleck's balls about Gigli mirroring certain plot points of your previous collaboration, Chasing Amy?

[A] Smith: Oh yeah, totally. The first time I saw it I turned to Ben and said, "Dude, are you trying to corner the market on straight guys who flip lesbians?" He said, "Yeah, there's a similarity. The big difference is that I got paid a hell of a lot more for doing this movie."

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[Q] Playboy: Do you think the Bennifer brouhaha will help or hurt Jersey Girl?

[A] Smith: Controversy is never good. It's always negative. Clerks, Chasing Amy, Dogma--they've all been dogged by some sort of controversy. When I started Jersey Girl I was like, "Okay, there's nothing objectionable about this movie. It's completely inoffensive." And then the fucking anti-Ben and Jen wagon comes rolling along and I find myself out there doing spin control again. The thing is, I got wonderful performances out of both of them because they were playing a couple falling in love while they were being a couple falling in love. But toward the end of the production, I was behind the monitor with Jennifer, watching Ben, and she said, "He just doesn't understand. It'll never be this good again." And I said, "What are you talking about?" She was like, "I mean everything is perfect. We're falling in love, we're having fun, he's working with you, and he thinks we can do this with every movie. But we can't. It'll never be like this again."

4

[Q] Playboy: Do you still call yourself an indie filmmaker now that you've moved from your beloved New Jersey to Hollywood?

[A] Smith: Dude, I haven't made an indie movie since Clerks. But it depends on how you define indie. If it's not having a budget, then I haven't been an indie filmmaker in a while, because people have given me a budget for every movie since then. If it's defined by content, then maybe I'm still an indie filmmaker, depending on the movie.

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[Q] Playboy: Do your fans bitch that you're selling out?

[A] Smith: Maybe, but I don't think I've sold out, at least not in the way that everyone defines it, like I have no integrity. If I was going to sell out I wouldn't have made Dogma or even Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back. You don't make a 90-minute in-joke where you fuck around with your friends on someone else's dime and call yourself a sellout. Selling out would be directing Mighty Ducks 9.

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[Q] Playboy: Jersey Girl is your first film that doesn't include at least a cameo by ubiquitous stoner characters Jay and Silent Bob. How did old pal Jason Mewes, who plays Jay, take the news?

[A] Smith: Jay and Silent Bob are dead for now. But I always told Mewes that if he could get clean and sober I would think about doing another film with them. And he's been clean for nine months now, which is the longest in eight years, because he seems to stay clean only when we're shooting movies.

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[Q] Playboy: In addition to being a pot-head icon, Mewes has been busted for heroin. Do you indulge in controlled substances with him?

[A] Smith: I can count on two or three hands the times I've been stoned. It's just not productive. You can't get shit done. With Mewes, I've seen the toll that drugs can take. It's been heartbreaking, watching him go in and out. If he had stayed with weed, he probably could have managed. I don't even like the taste of booze. I'd rather drink chocolate milk, because it tastes better. The only drink I can really get behind is one of those strawberry margaritas, which is more like candy.

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[Q] Playboy: Have you ever written anything so outrageous that no one would allow you to shoot it?

[A] Smith: I took a scene out of Mallrats in which Silent Bob is spying on Joey Lauren Adams's character in a dressing room. He starts jerking off and shoots a wad that goes over the top of the stall and into the other room. Then you hear her scream. Throughout the rest of the movie, when you see her she's supposed to have this spot on her hair where it's stiff from all the come. And the executives were like, "You can't do that. Forget it. We'll get an NC-17 rating and it won't get released and nobody will find it funny. It's just tasteless!" But years later I went to see There's Something About Mary, and the poster--the poster--is of Cameron Diaz with come in her hair. And I was just like, "Fuck! I should have stuck to my guns."

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[Q] Playboy: What's the weirdest script you've ever been asked to direct?

[A] Smith: Right after Clerks, this producer pitched an idea called Hot Rod. It was about Michael Jackson morphing into a car. No lie. Jackson was behind it, and he wanted it to be this story about a guy, played by himself, who hangs out with a little boy, and this little boy gets into the car and drives him around. In retrospect I'd love to make that movie. But it wouldn't be anything like the version Jackson or the studio wanted to see.

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[Q] Playboy: Why do your movies have so many homosexual references?

[A] Smith: All that gay stuff is in there because of my brother. When he first told me he was gay, I asked him, "What happens when you go to movies and see a girl and guy fall in love?" And he was like, "It's no big deal, because it happens all the time. But ultimately you just don't feel like you're being included." And that affected me, because when I go to movies the whole point is to connect with the characters. So I started throwing in the gay stuff for my brother and his friends so they wouldn't feel left out.

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[Q] Playboy: Even your hetero characters are surprisingly intimate. Do you think guys are generally too repressed when it comes to expressing their feelings?

[A] Smith: Depends. I mean, look at Clerks. Those two dudes are one cock and a mouth away from being gay. They spend all their waking hours together. They have the most intimate conversations. The only thing they haven't said is "Okay, let's just fuck." I'm not saying that's what guys want, but chicks are totally free of that. I haven't met a woman who hasn't had a girl-on-girl dalliance, yet I can't point to a single guy I know who has had a guy-on-guy dalliance. None of them crosses that line. And that's a weird double standard.

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[Q] Playboy: What's the kinkiest thing you've ever done?

[A] Smith: When I was younger I was in a three-way with a girl and another guy, but he was on one end and I was on the other, so it wasn't a total orgy or anything like that. Later there were three-ways with me and two girls. But it's always a slippery slope when you're involved with one of the girls. Spend a little too much time over there and not enough over there and there may be hell to pay later on.

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[Q] Playboy: Have you ever thought about directing a porn flick?

[A] Smith: I love porn films, but I've never seriously considered shooting one. If you look at my movies, it's pretty obvious that my language isn't very visual. If I were to make a porno it would probably be the talkiest porno ever. It would be a bunch of close-ups of two people talking dirty to each other.

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[Q] Playboy: So you're comfortable with not being a great cinematic stylist?

[A] Smith: Yeah, because I'm a writer first and foremost and a director by default, because I want to protect the shit I've written. The difference between me and other directors who worked in video stores, like Quentin Tarantino, is that when I was working I could only listen to the movies. So I was listening to movie after movie and not soaking up the visuals. Even now when I watch television I tend to be on the Internet at the same time. I might be a more visual director if I spent as much time looking as I do listening.

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[Q] Playboy: Apparently that's not a concern for Miramax, which is giving you the mission of dusting off the Fletch franchise from where Chevy Chase left it in 1989.

[A] Smith: I just finished the first draft of Fletch Won, which has been weird because I've never adapted a book before. But I was faithful to Gregory McDonald's novel because I think his Fletch stories are where I learned to write dialogue in the first place. A lot of my dialogue blends with his, so you really can't tell where his ends and mine begins. I just had to resist too many of my own pop culture references.

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[Q] Playboy: How old were you when you became sexually active?

[A] Smith: It happened the day before my eighth-grade graduation, so it's kind of like the gentile version of a bar mitzvah--the day I became a man. This girl came over to my house, and we just started fooling around. I went to second base and third base, and then I talked her into giving me a hand job. And after a few minutes she was like, "What's supposed to happen?" And I said, 'Just keep going." And finally something happened, and she was like, "Ewww!" And I was like, "Yeah, I know."

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[Q] Playboy: So you had a way with the ladies even before you became well-known?

[A] Smith: The fact that I used to get laid is testimony to personality--if you can make a woman laugh, you're going to do okay. I've been pretty lucky. With the 30 or so women I've been able to bang, the worse-looking one in the relationships has always been me. Then there are guys like Affleck who don't have to say a fucking word. Sometimes with these really good-looking guys, they open their mouths and you're like, "Well, at least I'm funnier than that dumb fuck." But then you hang out with Affleck and it's like, "Shit, he's funny, too. Fuck." He ruins it for the rest of us.

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[Q] Playboy: Why do you make jokes about having a small dick?

[A] Smith: Probably because I've never had a woman actually tell me that. Instead they always say, "No, it's okay. You have a good size." Which to me means I'm not memorable. Once in a while I get insecure and ask Jen, my wife, "Wouldn't you rather have a bigger cock?" And she'll say, "Bigger dicks just hurt. You're the perfect size." But to me "perfect size" means something that's easy to handle, like a walk in the park. Jen is very sexual, and I can't help but think she'd love to have a huge fucking cock and the only reason she's with me is because we're in love. When I say that, she's like, "You're crazy! Why do you say that?" Well, if I were a chick, that's what I'd want. What's the point of doing it unless it's going to be massive and leave stretch marks and be memorable on so many levels?

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[Q] Playboy: For our recent directors' fantasies pictorial, you shot your wife with another man. Was she cool with that?

[A] Smith: She was cool with being naked, but she didn't want to be with another guy. I was like, "The concept is my vision of erotica, and to me there's nothing more erotic than the thought of you with another guy. We don't need to actually go down that road, but that's what gets me excited." We're fucking filthy talkers in bed, and all the talk involves her fucking other guys. So when Playboy asked me to realize my fantasy, I immediately thought of my wife with someone. Of course, I wasn't going to shoot a pictorial of her getting nailed by some guy with a gigantic dick. It was more about putting her in that situation. At one point while taking the pictures, I looked over at this crew guy who was just staring at my wife in the nude, and I thought, There's something cool about that. For me it was more bizarre to watch how she went from being totally reluctant to parading around in the nude in a matter of minutes.

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[Q] Playboy: What if your wife tells you that all this fantasizing is making her actually crave sex with other guys?

[A] Smith: I've thought about that a lot, and if Jen really wanted to fuck some guy, I think I would be cool with it. But I'm afraid I'm one of those husbands who just want to watch their wife get flicked by someone. You read those stories about couples who play this game where the husband hides in the closet and watches while the wife brings some unsuspecting guy home and fucks him. I have this fear that I might actually be that guy, you know? Is that fucked-up or what? Hey, what can I say? I'm a filmmaker. I like to watch.

©2003 Photography by Blake Little