Playboy's 20Q: Jolene Blalock

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[Q] Playboy: You play strong, in-control Sub-Commander T'Pol on Star Trek: Enterprise. If she faced off against a female character from Star Wars, who would it be, and who would kick ass?

[A] Blalock: Star Wars doesn't have many females, because the later movies are computer-animated. I remember wondering as I watched them, Where are the actors? If Princess Leia took on T'Pol, T'Pol would probably order someone to defend her. Then Princess Leia would take off one of her hair buns and toss it like a ninja—a slicing, razor-sharp Frisbee-type Cinnabon. That might actually be interesting.

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[Q] Playboy: You have a couple of love scenes in your new film, Slow Burn. Who would be in your ultimate love scene, where would it take place, and what would you be doing?

[A] Blalock: It would have to be in a psychological thriller with Gary Oldman. The female would be the unwitting victim, much like the kind Michelle Pfeiffer usually plays. Oldman would play the guy you don't want to like but do anyway. Kind of like Dracula—you're scared of him, but at the same time there's something you're attracted to.

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[Q] Playboy: You've said you like other cool, brilliant, almost insane men, such as Sean Penn. Where's the line between almost insane and insane?

[A] Blalock: Almost insane is a guy who's had a little too much to drink and is lying in the gutter with a party hat on. Insane is the guy without the party hat, and it's noon. At noon it's scary.

It works, believe it or not, because women are caretakers. We're nurturers. So these guys who are brilliant—and they're geniuses in only one area—can't balance their home life, and that's where a woman comes in. That's where they need you. They can't live without you, and they love you. I've got that now. My husband, Michael, is a genius at what he does, but when he comes home he needs me. He loves me. So my strategy works.

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[Q] Playboy: Hollywood is the land of nip and tuck. Who has overdone it? Who needs more work?

[A] Blalock: Farrah Fawcett overdid it. Why can she move only one side of her face? Whenever she smiles, she turns in complete profile to the side that can smile. I don't understand that. Peter Jackson, the director of The Lord of the Rings, needs more. He is such a scruffy guy. He just does not care.

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[Q] Playboy: Overall, is there more nipping than tucking, or vice versa?

[A] Blalock: There should be more sipping and sucking. Let's have free love. Let's bring it back. Hippies, come on.

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[Q] Playboy: What would you like to change about yourself?

[A] Blalock: I would enhance my personality and downsize my libido. I would be Mrs. Personality.

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[Q] Playboy: What are some good uses for used Vulcan ears?

[A] Blalock: This is our fourth season, and they've always gone into the trash. Not until this year did I realize, Hey, these ears are like a pair of shoes. Now I've started to collect them. It's kind of gross what they turn into, because they're meant for only one day's use. The foam they're made of doesn't preserve well. You have to seal them with something or dip them in chrome.

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[Q] Playboy: What was the worst infection or side effect you endured as a result of wearing Vulcan ears? Did you ever forget to take them off at the end of the day?

[A] Blalock: Luckily, I've never had a reaction to the ears. Some people are highly allergic to the foam. Once they're on I don't even notice them. But the amount of crap that comes out of my ears.... I know this is gross, but I could be on hiatus for three weeks and stuff would still be coming out of my ears. If I have any ear issues later in life, I'm going to sue somebody.

I did wear the ears down to San Diego once, a two-hour drive, because I wanted to show my nephew.

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[Q] Playboy: Do any actors or politicians come to mind as natural choices to play Vulcans or Klingons?

[A] Blalock: Mr. Bean, Rowan Atkinson, would make a great Vulcan. How cool would he be? Senator Barbara Boxer could be queen of the Labians. It's like lesbians, isn't it? Or maybe Hillary Clinton could be queen of the lesbians or Labians. Ted Bundy—who was involved in politics before he became a serial killer—could be the Borg. If he killed Hillary, he would have to be the Borg, but he would have to kill in masses.

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[Q] Playboy: T'Pol has her own Star Trek action figure. What did the manufacturer successfully capture about you, and what would you change?

[A] Blalock: It's amazing how they make these things. They brought a semitruck full of digital apparatus that you stand in. It's a plethora of lights, computers and screens. You step on a platform, and this thing starts to move around you. You step off and watch the screen, and your body (concluded on page 154)Jolene Blalock(continued from page 117) comes together in pieces. It's amazing. Unfortunately, when they made the dolls they squished us. We're all a little narrow, so my face is too thin. The head on Scott Bakula's doll doesn't stay up; it's always hanging one way or another.

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[Q] Playboy: You were a fan of the original Star Trek series, and Spock was your favorite character. What qualities does your character share with Spock?

[A] Blalock: We are know-it-alls. You want to know; we already know. You don't want to know; we still know, and we're going to tell you. And even when you tell us, we'll tell you back, but trust me, we'll tell you better.

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[Q] Playboy: What would Spock and your character be like in bed?

[A] Blalock: Vulcans are really freaky nasty. You would never know it. You'd think it would go total missionary. But no, we are freaky nasty, dirty nasty and, yeah, funky. If we had a kid, it would look like me with those ears and that hair. We'd name him Vern. "Vern, you little Vulcan." Yeah, Vern.

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[Q] Playboy: What is the weirdest place you've ever been beamed up from and had a cigarette afterward?

[A] Blalock: The strangest place I have been beamed up from is a phone booth. I guess that would generally be considered odd. We used the yellow pages for leverage. It was during a road trip to Muskoka, north of Toronto.

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[Q] Playboy: You're a surfer. Where is the most uncomfortable spot you've ever developed a knot?

[A] Blalock: Knots usually happen on the shins because the bone is closest to the skin there. That's where you feel them. But more dangerous things can happen, such as someone else's board landing on you. If it's a heavy board, you can be knocked out. Or being sliced with a fin—the fins are so sharp, they go right through your wet suit.

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[Q] Playboy: Would you share your shark preparedness checklist?

[A] Blalock: You know how great it feels to pee in your wet suit because it's so cold and the warmth is nice? Don't do it. For some reason sharks can smell it from 10 miles away. Also, if you're bleeding, make sure all your wounds are securely covered. Other than that, if there are porpoises or dolphins in the water, sharks are usually not around. Just don't freak out.

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[Q] Playboy: Are undergarments a friend or a foe? How does a woman make them work for her?

[A] Blalock: Friend. Big-time friend. My husband always says, "Why are you buying new underwear? Are you cheating?" He read in a book that when women buy new lingerie they're stepping out. So he always asks, "What's going on? Are you having a crisis?" No, I like underwear. It's okay. Guys throw on a pair of underwear, and it could be the same pair for jogging or for work. Women should buy underwear per outfit because some bras are textured, and you don't want to wear a textured bra under a T-shirt because that would look funky and people would think you had cellulite on your boobs. So lots of stuff is harder for us than for guys, but it's fun.

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[Q] Playboy: You're from San Diego. Were the Beach Boys correct about California girls? Is there anything you'd change about them?

[A] Blalock: Yes, and this goes for all of California. There could be fewer hos. I mean, we have beautiful girls, but man, they're hos. I don't get it. They go down to Tijuana, and only hos go there. Tijuana is skanky dirty. If you get pulled over by the cops there, you'd better have $200 and a good Rolex if you want to get out of the country.

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[Q] Playboy: We've heard that you like men who have hands with big masculine veins. Are there other places you like big masculine veins?

[A] Blalock: On the Snickers bar. The Snickers satisfies. Sorry, that's bad. I know it's bad.

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[Q] Playboy: Is it about time to say good-bye to Star Trek and go home?

[A] Blalock: Yeah, this is probably our last season. It's a little strange, because it would be the first time in almost 40 years that there wasn't a Star Trek on the air except in reruns. I feel it, and I'm okay with it because the shows haven't been that great. I would rather go out now than slowly go down with a sinking ship. Ironically, this year is going to be our best. We have had our share of crappy stories, but we've had a lot fewer of them and have been addressing some pretty interesting issues. It shouldn't be just entertainment; it should be thought-provoking.

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[Q] Playboy: Who would be better suited to wear the Vulcan ears, Meryl Streep or Pam Anderson?

[A] Blalock: Working with my bosses? I'd have to say Pam Anderson, because you've got to be equipped. Do you know what I mean? Meryl Streep, she's not equipped. Now that's the first time I've ever said that.