20Q: Tenacious D

Q1

[Q]Playboy: There are many different versions of Tenacious D's origins. Some claim you were raised by a blind blues musician, while others insist you made a pact with the devil to become mock-rock superstars. Would you care to set the record straight? Gass: You'll have to wait for our new movie, The Pick of Destiny. We did it as a way to satisfy public curiosity about us once and for all. We're finally going to give it to you straight, but we're not giving anything away for free.

[A]Black: We're doing this for the fans. This is their chance to learn the truth about the band, to get answers to all those epic questions that have been asked through the ages: "How did you guys meet?" "Why are you called Tenacious D?" "How are you able to rock so hard?" "When did you first meet Sasquatch?" At long last you're going to find out.

Q2

[Q]Playboy: Just how much of this movie is autobiographical?

[A]Gass: Everything is completely accurate. In a lot of ways it's almost a documentary. Maybe not the Pick of Destiny part--when we go searching for the guitar pick used at one time by every great musician in rock history--but the relationship between Jack and me is pretty truthful. When I met Jack I was the wise mentor and he was my student in rock. He looked up to me for about a day and a half, then realized I was full of shit and completely took over and dominated me after that. I think we capture that pretty well in the movie. In a lot of ways it's a typical Hollywood story: Boy meets boy, boy teaches boy how to rock, boy loses boy, boy gets boy back, boys reach rock supremacy.

Q3

[Q]Playboy: Is there anything you don't share in this movie? Anything that was too personal?

[A]Black: Not at all. We're not holding anything back. Whenever we do something, we do it like we think the earth is going to explode tomorrow. We put it all out there. We're not saving anything for the next movie. It's all coming now, all the way, full guns ablazing.

[A]Gass: You mean full throttle?

[A]Black: That sounds dumb. I like "full guns ablazing" better.

[A]Gass: Let it be known that Jack was making a motorcycle-throttle hand gesture. So I'm not misrepresenting him.

[A]Black: We're gonna open up the, uh----

[A]Gass: Floodgates?

[A]Black: We're releasing the hounds.

[A]Gass: We're opening the gates and releasing the hounds. Simultaneously.

Q4

[Q]Playboy: We find it curious that neither of you has a love interest in the movie. Are you trying to tell us something about your lifestyle choices?

[A]Gass: Well, I don't think people want or need to know that Jack and I are lovers, but I guess, in a way, you could say there's a subterranean gay undertone to the movie, though we never intended it. In (continued on page 136)Tenacious D(continued from page 97) Hollywood it's almost de rigueur to have some sort of love interest. Even when it detracts from the story, they always tack it on anyway. And it's never funny. But this movie is just about us. We're egotistical enough to think that's all people want to see.

Q5

[Q]Playboy: You've spoken openly about your rivalry with Satan. Will the D finally settle the score in The Pick of Destiny?

[A]Black: We gave Satan a major speaking role, though we don't actually do any hand-to-hand combat with him. There is a battle between a wizard and the devil. Some people will say we stole it from The Lord of the Rings, but that's BS.

Q6

[Q]Playboy: They say the camera adds 10 pounds. Since you're both already on the hefty side, did you feel compelled to get in shape for the movie?

[A]Gass: We knew it was coming for a long time, and as you know, we've had a lifetime battle with our weight. So I thought, Okay, this is the time. I got the trainer, I exercised every day, and I got the special diet food delivered to me. I was working as hard as I could. I probably dropped 20 pounds. Then we started the movie and there was a full buffet on the set. Somebody must have said, "Jack and Kyle love to eat. Let's not spare any expense." We'd have a full breakfast; then craft service would show up with doughnuts and nachos and any snack you can think of. When I'm working and there's any sort of pressure at all, I find solace in food. I literally gained it all back. We shot the last scene on the first day, when I was still looking very crisp and good. But when we finally got around to shooting the earlier scenes, I looked like Jabba the Hutt. I created my own continuity problem.

Q7

[Q]Playboy: Porn star Ron Jeremy claims he gives hope to old, out-of-shape guys: If he can get laid, anybody can. Does the same philosophy apply to Tenacious D? Are you providing an example for bald, overweight guys who want to be rock stars?

[A]Gass: Oh absolutely. That's what we're all about. A lot of people think, I'm not thin enough to be a rock star. But look at us. We're both eating too much, and we're doing just fine. You don't need to have electric guitars. You don't even need a rhythm section. It's not about volume or chops. It's about what's in here. Please make a note that I'm pointing to my head and heart simultaneously.

[A]Black: A lot of people don't know it, but Kyle is actually not bald.

[A]Gass: That's right. This is a fashion choice. I have a full head of hair, but I choose to shave my head.

[A]Black: He's like that guy from the Prodigy, the singer with the reverse Mohawk. He's making it cool to be bald. It's an artistic choice.

Q8

[Q]Playboy: You're the self-proclaimed greatest band in the world. Can you confer that title on yourself? Doesn't it have to be given by some higher rock authority?

[A]Black: You're absolutely right. It's stupid to call yourself the greatest band on earth. Somebody else has to call you that. But I don't think we've ever uttered the phrase "We are the greatest band in the world." Not once. As far as how we stack up in the rock hierarchy, that's not for us to say. We leave that for others to decide.

[A]Gass: Actually, I think we have said it.

[A]Black: What? When?

[A]Gass: In the movie. I'm pretty sure you say it at some point. [Long pause. Black glares at Gass.]

[A]Black: Oh yeah, that's right. It's the last line of the movie. Good call, Kyle. Good call.

[A]Gass: Oh, wow. Can we erase that part?

[A]Black: You fucking idiot.

[A]Gass: I feel horrible. If you have any pity on us, you'll just forget that I said anything.

Q9

[Q]Playboy: You languished in relative obscurity for most of your career, but now you've signed to a major label and are in a feature film. There's no nice way to ask this: Have you sold out to the man?

[A]Black: I take issue with that question. What does it mean to sell out? Does that mean you've stopped doing good work because you've sacrificed your integrity? If the product you're getting paid to make is just as good as the product you were making for free, I don't understand what the sellout is. We're doing exactly what we want. Nobody fucking wrote this movie for us. Nobody writes our songs for us or tells us what to do. How have we sold out? It makes no sense.

[A]Gass: Well, it is possible to sell out. Look at Eric Clapton back in the 1970s. He was doing the hard-rockin' stuff in Cream, but then he started pandering, trying to get the hits and fit into a marketable genre. Or look at what Kiss did with its disco album, or Soul Asylum with that "Runaway Train" song.

[A]Black: I feel I kind of sold out a little bit when I did the movie Shallow Hal. I had an opportunity to work with some dudes I thought were really funny, but it didn't turn out as I'd hoped. I wasn't proud of it, and I got paid a lot of money, so in retrospect it feels like a sellout. But the D never sold out. We never did a commercial, and we've been offered a few. We could've gotten paid more for this movie, but we wanted creative control.

Q10

[Q]Playboy:The Pick of Destiny has a lot of famous cameos, from Amy Poehler to Tim Robbins and Ben Stiller. How did you persuade them to appear in your movie?

[A]Gass: Most of them owed us favors. Ben Stiller was originally just a producer on the movie, and we told him, "Dude, you've got to come down and actually earn your paycheck." At some point Will Ferrell was supposed to be in it. I said, "You know, I was in Elf. How about some reciprocity?" He promised to do it, and then he was busy. Thanks, Will. We really appreciate it. So Ben stepped in and hit it out of the park.

Q11

[Q]Playboy: You've collaborated with a lot of mainstream musicians, including Dave Grohl, the Dust Brothers and Page McConnell of Phish. Are they fans, or do you suspect they may be a little envious of the D?

[A]Black: Well, it goes back to that old cliché: All actors want to be musicians, and all musicians want to be actors. You know, the grass is always greener and all that. Dave Grohl is a funny guy. I think there's a frustrated comedian in him. He supported us early on, before we got the HBO series. He checked us out at the Viper Room and gave us a big boost in confidence. But I don't think Dave or any of the other musicians are jealous of us. It's not as though they're trying to replace Kyle. Nobody wants to break up the D. They just want to inject themselves in there and become the third member. Whenever it's just me, they'll say, "Where's K.G.? Is he around the corner?"

[A]Gass: [Laughs] They're usually pretty satisfied with just you.

Q12

[Q]Playboy: Meat Loaf plays Jack's father in the movie. Was he picked for his musical ability or his large girth?

[A]Black: I always thought of him as the perfect choice to play my dad. We look alike, obviously. He looks as if he could be in my family. But it was mostly his energy that inspired us to cast him. Just watching him sing is an education in rock. We basically said, "Will you sing in the movie, yes or no?" He said, "For you guys, yes, because I like your stuff."

[A]Gass: This is the first movie he's sung in since The Rocky Horror Picture Show, so we were pretty fortunate.

Black: I'm sure directors ask him all the time and it just bugs the shit out of him.

[A]Gass: You think?

[A]Black: Dude, how could he not be asked a thousand times to sing in movies?

[A]Gass: Well, then why wouldn't he do it?

[A]Black: It's like John Travolta. He didn't want to dance in any movies after Saturday Night Fever until Tarantino got him to do it in Pulp Fiction. We are to Meat Loaf what Tarantino was to Travolta.

[A]Gass: I guess you're right. If you're reading this, thank you, Meat.

Q13

[Q]Playboy: Do you consider The Pick of Destiny to be a rock musical or a comedy?

[A]Black: I don't know. I don't think of it as a musical. But it's not a straight comedy, either. What's a movie that has the same amount of music? Eddie and the Cruisers maybe? We have more music than that. It has about the same amount of music as This Is Spinal Tap, but that's not really a musical or a comedy. It's more of a mock rockumentary.

[A]Gass: Our movie is similar to a musical except we never bust into song apropos of nothing.

[A]Black: No, we never do. And that's the difference.

[A]Gass: Wait, that's not true. There is that one scene.

[A]Black: What are you talking about? [Gass whispers something to Black.] Oh yeah, I guess we do. But just that one time. Maybe we should cut it.

Q14

[Q]Playboy: You've always had a devoted following of female groupies, but now that you've become major stars do you spend your evenings servicing an endless stream of backstage Betties?

[A]Gass: You would think so, but no. I've heard stories, but I'm still waiting for the deluge. Jack gets it more than I do.

We're at different levels. Jack is a mega-star, and I'm basically the other guy. I'm eight steps behind him. I've been able to live off his scraps. But even so, it's helped my dating life. I've had women pretend they like me. And that's fine. Even if they're pretending, it's still pretty good.

[A]Black: I'm still mostly attracted to girls who don't like me, so not much has changed.

[A]Gass: If they have most of their limbs, I'll take all comers.

[A]Black: You'll take all comers, and then you'll come on all takers. Oh yeah! High-five! [Black and Gass high-five.]

Q15

[Q]Playboy: Speaking of groupies, Cynthia Albritton, the infamous Plaster

Caster, has made casts of the most famous penises in rock. Has she ever approached either of you to lend your sexual gifts for her art?

[A]Black: No, neither she nor anybody else has ever asked to make a plaster cast of my cockiles. Why? What have you heard?

[A]Gass: I don't know if I'd do it. I wouldn't want to be judged against Tommy Lee or Jimi Hendrix.

[A]Black: Yeah, you don't want your, goodies to be on display next to Gigantor. I'd be cool if she just wanted to put my name on the Jimi Hendrix cast. She probably made two of him, so just put my name on the extra one.

Q16

[Q]Playboy: You've written several songs about sex but nothing about love. Is the D afraid of intimacy?

[A]Gass: I was thinking the same thing. We should have at least one classic love song.

[A]Black: You mean like that Chicago song? [sings] "If you leave me now, you take away the biggest part of me."

black and gass: [Singing in unison] "Oooh oh, baby, please don't go!"

[A]Black: Yeah, we should do that. We wrote a new song for the movie, called "Dude, I Totally Miss You." That's kind of emotional. But you're talking male-female love, aren't you?

[A]Gass: Maybe we need to grow up and write something about adult love.

[A]Black: Let's try to write one. Right now. [sings] "I fuckin' love you, baby. I think about you./I'm gonna buy stuff and hang out with you and put my penis next to y-y-you./I want to hold you tight and give you kisses at night, 'cause I love your brains, your brains and pussy, too./Your brains and your pussy, tooooo."

[A]Gass: I think we have a title: "Your Brains and Your Pussy, Too." Well, playboy readers, you heard it here first.

Q17

[Q]Playboy: If your musical canon is to be believed, Tenacious D has spent a lot of time mastering sexual technique, from using French ticklers and sucking toes to fucking your partners gently when appropriate. Have you ever considered making a sex-instruction video?

[A]Black: That's a fantastic idea. We're already putting out the Tenacious D exercise video. It's called D-zercise. We should go back to the studio and shoot an extra part about pleasing your partner. Then we'll put it out as a two-disc DVD set. One disc will be called D-zercise, and the other Tenacious D Sex Tips. Together it'll be called Getting Hard With the D.

[A]Gass: On one disc we'll be in our workout clothes. And on the other we'll be in our sexy nighttime workout clothes.

Q18

[Q]Playboy: So what kind of advice would

you give?

[A]Black: Lots of tongue exercises. You've got to know how to use the tongue if you're going to please your lady [demonstrates by flicking his tongue].

[A]Gass: It looks like a lizard's.

[A]Black: The tongue is a muscle, and you've got to work it out. I was watching Internet porn the other day and checking out Nina Hartley's tips on eating pussy. She gives some great advice.

[A]Gass: What does she say?

[A]Black: She says love the whole pussy. Don't just love that little spot. Give the side flaps some attention. Stick a finger in slowly; don't just jam it in there. Get it all wet. And remember, the ladies have a taint, too. Give it some attention. But don't go too far. I don't think the ladies really want a finger up their ass.

[A]Gass: You think so?

[A]Black: You stick your finger in the anus, dude?

[A]Gass: No.

[A]Black: Do you stick your cock in there?

[A]Gass: No.

[A]Black: But don't you kind of want to, though?

[A]Gass: I do now. I think it depends on the lady. I would say I've never done it on purpose.

[A]Black: I would say to a lady, "I've never done this before. Could we just try it this one time?" Then she'd be like, "I don't know." And then I'd put on a Chicago record, [sings] "If you leave me now, oooh oh, baby, please don't go."

[A]Gass: See, I'd put on "Back Door Man."

[A]Black: Dude, that's not the song they want to hear. It sounds a little too aggressive.

Q19

[Q]Playboy: Gene Simmons of Kiss has a scrapbook filled with photos of his sexual conquests naked. Do either of you have a similar collection?

[A]Black: At times I wish I had pictures of the women I've been with. But that wouldn't be enough for a scrapbook. I could fit them all in my wallet. And I wouldn't want to show them to other people. They would be just for me to look at and think back on the good old days and maybe masturbate to.

[A]Gass: I think Gene Simmons may be the grossest rock star out there. He's a Republican, he's arrogant, he's unsavory, he's a misogynist, and he wears a codpiece.

[A]Black: It's scary just how unsexy he is.

Q20

[Q]Playboy: Before your live shows you've occasionally warned fans, "If you don't want your asses blown out, leave the room." Are you suggesting your music acts as a laxative?

[A]Gass: The live show is pretty entertaining. You could feasibly laugh the shit out of yourself. I don't think that's far-fetched.

[A]Black: They say laughter is the best medicine, and if you're constipated, the D could do the trick.

[A]Gass: I think we could heal just about anyone if we laid our hands on them. You can accomplish a lot with just the power of suggestion.

[A]Black: We could cure almost any vaginal----. Wait, no. I was going to say we could cure any vaginal disease if you let us put our penises in you. But we don't want to put our penises in diseased vaginas. Never mind. I didn't think that through.

[A]Gass: I think we can cure a lot of depression--with a smile.

[A]Black: Oh God, that's crap. That's the kind of quote that'll haunt us forever. Way to go, K.G.

Read the 21st Question and hear an exclusive song by Tenacious D at playboy.com.

A lot of people think, I'm not thin enough to be a rock star. But look at us. We're doing just fine.