On Valentine's Day a shy but drunk young man walked up to a beautiful young woman in a bar and said, "Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?"
"Yes, I do," she replied, "but go ahead, since I'm sure you're going to ask anyway."
"Okay." he said. "How many men have you slept with?"
"That's my business!" she snapped.
"Oh cool!" he said. "How much?"
A 97-year-old prostitute got herself listed in the yellow pages and now claims to be the oldest trick in the book.
Can 1 have live bucks to buy a guinea pig?" a boy asked his Irish grandfather.
"Here's a 10," said the grandfather, "do get yourself a nice Irish girl instead."
What did (ieorge VV. Bush get on his SATs? Barbecue sauce.
What's the difference between the Library of Congress and the House of Representatives?
In the Library of Congress you are not allowed to lick the pages.
A machine operator came home from the factory and told his wife, "Honey, I've got some good news and some bad news. First, the good news: I got $25,000 in severance pay!"
"You got $25,000 in severance pay?" she said. "That's great! Now, what's the bad news?"
"Well," he replied, "wait till you hear what was severed."
A man went to a doctor and complained of insomnia. The doctor gave him a thorough examination and found nothing physically wrong with him.
"Listen." the doctor said, "if you expect to cure your insomnia, you just have to stop taking your troubles to bed with you.'
"I know," said the man, "but my wife refuses to sleep alone."
Our Unabashed Dictionary defines Xbax as your former girlfriend's pussy.
Can you explain to me how this lipstick got on your collar?" a suspicious wife asked her husband.
"No, I can't," the husband replied. "I distinctly remember taking my shirt oil."
In life it's not who you know that's important; it's how your wife found out.
t\ pair of newlywcds were preparing for bed. As they were undressing, the husband, a big burly man, tossed his trousers to his new bride.
"Here, put these on," he said. She put (hem on, and the waist was twice the size of hers. "I can't wear your trousers," she said.
"That's right," said the husband, "and don't you ever forget it. I'm the one who wears the pants in this marriage."
With that, she flipped him her panties and said. "Try these on."
He tried them on and found he could get the underwear only as far as his kneecaps. "Hell." he said, "I can't get into your panties."
"That's right." she replied, "and that's the way it is going to stay until your altitude changes."
What do you call a dog with no legs?
It doesn't matter. He's not going to come anyway.
K neiman
Competing for their mother's love, two brothers tried to outdo each other with Valentine's Hay gifts for her. One bought his mother a Rolls-Royce. The other, trying to find something more imaginative, spent $100,000 on a rare my null bird that quoted Shakespeare and sang opera.
A week after Valentine's Day the sons called their mother and asked how she liked their gifts.
"The car is a dream," she said. "All my friends are extremely jealous. And the bird was nice too—just a little gamy."
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