Will Arnett

THE ARRESTED DEVELOPMENT ALUM BARES ALL ABOUT BEING

MARRIED TO SNL ROYALTY, DEALING WITH SEMISTARDOM AND

HOW HE'S GOING TO TAKE WILL FERRELL DOWN

Q1

PLAYBOY: In the new Will Ferrell com­edy. Blades of Glory, you play Stranz, a four-time figure-skating champ. Were you cast for your comic timing or your ability to perform a flawless triple axel? ARNETT: People say I move like a dancer. I get that all the time. There comes a point in your career when you have to give in to the chorus of fans saying, "We see the way you move. You're like a cat. Please, share your gifts with the world." Eventually you just give the people what they want. Actually I'm not much of a skater. The more difficult skating moves were obviously performed by trained professionals. I was able to do a few of the big jumps, but mostly I just did the smiling. When the skater finishes his routine and waves to the camera and smiles while he's waiting for his scores to come up, that was all me. I was so ready for that.

Q2

PLAYBOY: You were raised in Canada, where hockey is a national pastime. Aren't all Canadians born with the abil­ity to skate?

ARNETT: I certainly had an advantage growing up in Canada. I knew how to skate. When I was a kid I played a lot of hockey. I haven't done it in a while, but I

still goof around whenever I can. I'll break one of my kneecaps or purposely injure myself, stuff like that. But now I'm pretty much relegated to obsessively watching hockey. I watch every single game the Toronto Maple Leafs play all season. That's how I spend my Saturdays.

Q3

PLAYBOY: But Saturday is the day your wife, Amy Poehler, appears on Saturday Night Live. You don't ignore her for hockey, do you?

ARNETT: Saturdays are a big night in our house. I watch the Leafs at seven p.m. and then go see Amy on Saturday Night Live. If I'm really happy, I can pre­tend it's because Amy was in an amazing sketch, but it's actually because Matt Stajan did a great poke check.

Q4

PLAYBOY: Your character in Blades of Glory is a treacherous bad guy who will stop at nothing to destroy his competi­tion. It's hard to imagine a skating vil­lain without thinking of Tonya Harding. Did you use her as inspiration? ARNETT: I pictured Stranz as more of a Jeff Gillooly-rype guy. Jeff was the unspoken hero in that whole Harding scandal. I

remember when it first broke, the Neir York Post published this hilarious story about it. Her bodyguard had just come out and admitted that Tonya was responsible for the Kerrigan attack, and the Post printed this headline: bodyguard fingers tonya. I taped the article to the back of my closet and had it up there for a couple of years.

Q5

PLAYBOY: Why do men in competitive skating wear such frilly costumes with so many sequins and ruffles? ARNETT: The cast watched a lot of Olym­pic skating as research for the movie, and we realized you can't go too far with the costumes. Some of the outfits are just in­sane. Your first thought is. Well, they're ob­viously gay. But that's not true. These guys are incredible athletes, and the costumes are just a part of skating tradition. But I'll tell you what: I kind of liked it. When I put on the tights and the dance belt, everything is a little tighter down below. And when you're showing that much, you're gonna get some big laughs. 1 got kind of addicted to it.

Q6

PLAYBOY: Some journalists believe you're poised to become the next Will Ferrell. Is there room (continued nn page 150)

WILL ARNETT

(continued Jrom page 113) in Hollyw-ood for two comedy superstars named Will?

arnktt: There's no way you're gonna crush Will Ferrell. You can't destroy him. He's indestructible. I'm llattered that any­body would compare me to him, but I don't know how to respond to something like that. Will is so fucking hilarious, and he's got to be one of the sweetest people on the planet. But just between you and me, off the record: I would love to see him go motherfucking down. And if it's at my hand, all the sweeter. Believe me, I will not look twice when I put my foot on his head to step up.

Q7

pi.aybc>y: Ferrell shot to fame after show­ing his naked ass in movies like Old School. Do you have any plans to expose yourself on film?

arnk'it: I don't think a lot of people want to see me nude. But there's a scene in my next film, The Brothers Solomon, in which I'm naked. I'm hugging Will Forte, and he asks me to put on a towel. I turn around, right at the camera, and you can see the top half of my pubes. People

love pubic hair. You show an audience the short and curlies and they go nuts.

Q8

playboy: Speaking of The Brothers Solo­mon, the plot involves your trying to sire a child as quickly as possible. Do you have any interest in becoming a father? ARNETr You have moments when you real­ize everybody around you is having kids. A lot of the gals on Saturday Night Live have had kids recently. And from Anested Dnwlopment, it turns out Jason Bateman's sperm work. Who knew? I gotta be hon­est: I always thought he was born with an extra-big clitoris and they just decided to call him a man. But his wife gave birth not long ago, so I guess that proves something. So yeah, when all your friends are getting pregnant, you start thinking about it.

Q9

playboy: Most people know you best as Gob, the lovably inept magician from the now-canceled Fox sitcom Arrested Devel­opment. Gob has become urban slang for "making an error or mistake, particularly of great magnitude." Is that flattering, or do you feel bad that Gob has become the cultural equivalent of failure? arneit: No, that seems pretty accurate. Gob

is an egomaniac with an inferiority complex. He's a selfish, sell-pitying, sell-aggrandizing jackass. Not long ago a guy came up to me and said, "My friends call me Gob because I'm so much like him." And 1 said. "You know they're not complimenting you, right? Because (k>b is a fucking idiot."

Q10

playboy: You were nominated for an Emmy for Arrested Development. If you had won, would you be more or less obnoxious than you are now? ARNF.TT: Oh, definitely more obnox­ious. But I never had a chance. I was happy just to be nominated. But if I'd won? I would've shoved that F.mmy in so many faces. You would've seen that shit from satellite images. Instead I just lost graciously.

Q11

pi.ayboY: Were you a Gob-like kid growing up?

arnetp I grew up in fear of authority but with a general dislike for it as well. I was at odds with my keepers in any sort of scho­lastic environment. I never did anything all that bad, except for, you know, moving a tremendous amount of white horse from Colombia for some dudes. I was a mule for a while. I got involved in some human traf­ficking during college. But we've all done that, right? We've all laundered money out of the former Soviet Union, right?

Q12

playboy: All kidding aside, are you telling us you've never done anything illegal, or just that you've never been caught? arneti": I was a bad kid for a while. I'd break curfew, smoke bud. drink booze, all the usual stuff. My parents sent me to an all-boys boarding school when I was 12—a school designed to even out uneven boy;.— and I was constandy caught smoking. You had to chop wood if you got caught smok­ing, so I was always chopping w(x>d. It was a very outdoors)' school. You got graded on white-water canoeing, or they'd send you out into the woods with a pack of matches and you had to build a quinzhee and survive out there for a few days. I liked that aspect of it. When I was 16 they asked me not to return. I technically wasn't kicked out, but I guess they caught me smoking and drink­ing one too many times. I still lk back at it loudly as the place I learned to smoke. I can kill butts with the best of them.

Q13

pi ay boy: In the past five years you've had a lot of small supporting roles on TV shows like The Sopranos and Third Watch. Was it difficult to make the transition from comedy to drama? ARNE'lT: Not really, because I'm very good at what I do. [laughs] The Sopranos was par­ticularly challenging. In one scene I held a baby. In another scene the woman playing (continued on page 153)

WILL ARNETT

Ironlinued from page 150) my wife was on the phone and I was in the background. So those were tough scenes.

Q14

fHYBOY; You portrayed a pedophile on the crime drama Law ef Order: SVU. Did you play pedophilia for laughs? arm it Well, I didn't technically play a pedophile. I was a pedophile enabler. I was a travel agent to pedophiles, leading them to countries where the laws against such things are a little more lenient than in this country. It was definitely an unsavory character. The night the show aired, I was in Toronto hav­ing dinner with my sisters. My mom said she was going to watch the show, and when it ended she called my cell phone. Right away I could sense something weird in her voice. She just said, "Is your sister there?" And I said, "Yeah. Hey, did you see Law 6? Order}" There was this long silence, and she said, "Yes. Yes, I did." Nothing else. That was it. Oookay. We never discussed it again.

Q15

playboy. You also provided the voice-over for a series of GMC truck commercials in which you made the memorable announce­ment, "It's not more than you need, just more than you're used to." Have you used this same line to hit on the ladies? arnktT: I usually say, "It's not more than you're used to. just more than you need." That seems to be more accurate. But you know, it's not as if people are clamoring to hear the lagline for GMC trucks. I some­times get recognized for my voice, which is always surprising. People come up to me and say, "Hey, will you leave your voice on my outgoing message?" Uh, I don't know, man. I've never been comfortable with stuff like that. But 1 guess it's kind of cool.

Q16

1M--WBOY: You're starring in a remarkable five films this year. How long before the inevitable Arnett backlash? AKNK.l'l: I don't know. When do you think? Are a lot of people talking about the back­lash already? Who told you about it? It was my publicist, wasn't it? Goddamn it, why does he keep putting that out there? You're the eighth person who has men­tioned it to me. He keeps telling people, "Ask Arnett about the backlash." God, I need to lire that prick. Goddamn him! It's good, though. I was lucky enough to be on a show that wasn't highly rated, so I think the bulk of the country has no fuck­ing clue who I am. So people haven't been inundated with me yet, which is the exact opposite of how I'd like it.

Q17

phyboy: How does a guy like you sweep Amy Poehler off her feet? arm-it Amy and I were introduced by a mutual friend, but I'd actually known

about her for a few years prior to that. 1 went to see her when she was performing in the Upright Citizens Brigade in New York. I used to live around the corner from the UCB Theatre, and I'd go see her do improv all the time. That sounds a lot creepier than it was. I mean, I never cut up letters from assorted magazines in order to create a note for her. But I eventually won her over with sex—I'm not going to lie. And the fact that we're both in comedy was just icing on that cake. [His cellphon? rings.] Hey, look, Amy's calling now. [He picks up.] Hey, babe. I'm just finishing up here. Are you gonna be up for a few minutes? [pause] Really? [long pause] Really? [long pause] Okay, I'll call you soon. [He hangs up.] Bitch. God, what a ballbuster.

Q18

playboy: In addition to Blades of Glory, you and Amy are performing together in the upcoming movies On Broadway and Spring Breakdown. Who is riding whose coattails? arnlit: We don't like to think of it that way. [whispers] I'm definitely riding her coattails. Prior to Amsled Dnvlopnwnt, Amy was obvi­ously a more known entity, and I was just Amy's husband. When we came out to L.A. because she was working on Mean Girls, we stayed at a fancy hotel. I called room service to ask for some coffee, and the concierge said, "Very good, Mr. Poehler.' 1 told Amy, and we had a good laugh about it, though she laughed a little harder than I did. We've been asked to do a romantic comedy to­gether, but we're just not interested, [pause] Unless we're talking big money. Then fuck yeah, I'll sell my relationship out.

Q19

playboy: A lot of comics are supersti­tious and wear lucky clothing or follow strange preshow rituals. Do you have any superstitions?

arnkii: 1 kill a baby before every perfor­mance. It's dangerous, especially in this age of DNA and all that crap. You have to stay one step ahead of those forensic patholo-gists. Oh, just so we're clear, when I say "baby' I mean cigarette. You know that, right? In Canada, we refer to cigarettes as babies. They're my little babies. Twenty fresh babies every day. You didn't think I meant an actual baby, did you? Oh God, no. That would just be awful, [long, thought­ful pause] But you know, if that worked, I'd probably do that, loo. Yeah. I'd kill a baby if it meant I might get an Oscar.

Q20

playboy: You speak fluent French. Will you teach us a few dirty words in French? ARNKTT: I know nothing that would impress you. The best French Canadian swearwords are tabarnak, which means tabernacle, and cdlis.se, which is chal­ice. All the French Canadian swears are based on religious artifacts. It's like the worst thing you can say. "Oh, cdlissel" See, I told you it wasn't that impressive. French cursing is hilarious. Eventually they just defer to Knglish. I don't think you could say anything in French that would compete with cocksucker.

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