Don Rickles

MR. WARMTH TALKS ABOUT DINING WITH JAY LENO AND DAVID LETTERMAN, ACTING WITH CLARK GABLE AND ROBERT DE NIRO AND THE NIGHT HE TOOK ON BILL GATES AND WARREN BUFFETT

Q1

PLAYBOY: What's funny about being an octogenarian?

RICKI.ES: The funniest thing about being 81 has been that I don't realize it. 1 had an 80th birthday party last year, and that was the only way I knew it was true. I don't feel 81,1 don't act 81, and they say I don't look 81. My son Larry likes to go upstairs to my room, where I've got pictures on the wall of me with all the biggies. He'll walk through and do a status report on each one: "Dead. Dead. Dead. Dead. Critical. Serious. Hanging in there. Okay. And possibly a month, tops."

Q2

PLAYBOY: Since you and Mrs. Rickles have dined with television's greatest late-night talk-show hosts, give us your survey of their private eating habits. RICKLES: Letterman is very much a recluse. I always kidded him on the show: "Dave, when are we going to have dinner together?" I'd make a whole big thing. Finally, one night Dave said to meet him over at the famous 21 restaurant. I couldn't believe it.

We went there, and the maftre d' said, "Mr. Letterman will meet you down in the cellar." The cellar! Suddenly, it's dinner with Howard Hughes. It was a secret room in the wine cellar from the speakeasy days. The second time, I had dinner with him and one of his writers in a different cellar—I swear to God—this time down four flights of steps. Maybe he's related to Bela Lugosi. Johnny Carson was the same way. He was very uncomfortable among a lot of people. He was marvelous if we were just four or six but forget about any more at a table. And with Leno you feel as if you're in a diner: "A napkin? Where do you get those?" But remember, he likes to eat under his cars while he's giving them a lube job. Not a big gourmet guy, if you know what I mean.

Q3

PLAYBOY: What career advice can you give Triumph the Insult Comic Dog? RICKLES: I've never seen the bit, but I've heard about it. I mean, the dog's a puppet with a guy's hand up its ass. No wonder it has mood swings! There's another guy who does insults, Lewis

Black. They say he's a lot like me. I don't know if that's true or not. I can take pride in saying I'm one of a kind. I think that's what made me successful. When I first started doing this, there were a lot of problems. People would say, "Who needs this guy?" To this day, I'm established, but people who don't know me personally think I'm going to walk up to them and say, "You're a hockey puck! You're a moron! You're a jerk! Get out of my life!" You know I'm not that way.

Q4

PLAYBOY: You brought the language an altogether new meaning for the term hockey puck. Can you figure out why it haunts you to this day? RICKLES: I swear to God, if you can tell me, I'd love to know. I never stop hear­ing it—in New York, in particular, and also Chicago. I have no idea. I don't use "hockey puck" on the stage. As best as I can figure, it must have started way back when I worked in strip joints and had no ad-lib for guys who heckled me. I'd say, "Don't be a hockey puck!" That's how I think (continued on page 127)

DON RICKLES

(continued Jrom pngi' it started. Now I've got hockey pucks up to my kazoo. I had a giant box of pucks in my garage, but we dumped them. By then I could've filled another box with Mr. Potato Heads after I did the Toy Story pictures. At least that was good for the grandchildren.

Q5

pij\vboy: Is it true you've never told an actual joke?

RICK1.F.S: I don't tell jokes. I'm not a stand-up. I'm not a guy who comes out and says, "Two Jews got off a bus." I'm not like that. The director John Landis, who's making a documentary about me with my son Larry, said something inter­esting: "Don, what you do is a theatrical performance." I realized that's as good a description as anything I've heard.

Q6

playboy: So anyone who calls you a stand-up does so at their peril? rickleS: I resent the label "stand-up," because it's not that way. It's my per­sonality, and it's attitude. A lot of people who've never seen me think I'm going to be a horror show. And I'm not. I always say, "I'm the guy who goes to the office Christmas party and makes fun of the boss and everybody else, wipes every­body out, and Monday morning still has his job." I tell the truth and exaggerate things about people. That's what makes it funny. That's the whole secret.

Q7

playboy.- Your breakthrough came with your first appearance on The Tonight Show, in 1965, when you greeted Johnny Carson with "Hello, dummy." rickleS: He's the one who gave me the nickname Mr. Warmth. Johnny knew how to play me like a master violinist. I can say truthfully that every time I went on The Tonight Show it became an event. He'd say, "How's your mother?" I'd say, "You don't like my mother! Why are you talking about my mother?" We'd go from there and do 20 minutes on my mother and his mother. I'd say, "Your mother is living in Nebraska, begging for money. What the hell is the matter with you? Send her the check!" Every time we'd get screams. I'd get off and they'd say, "Wow! Did you see Rickles the other night?"

Q8

playboy: You've acted in movies with some of the greatest stars of the last century, from Clark Gable to Robert De Niro. Did any of their tricks of the trade stick in your craw?

rickles: My first picture was Run Silent, Run Deep, with Gable and Burt Lancaster. Can you imagine? Lancaster would say, "You

know, Don, you've got to understand sub­marines on this picture. Very important. You have to know why the sub dives, why it comes up, why it stays at the bottom!" My head was spinning. I went over to Gable and said, "Clark, Burt was just telling me everything about the submarine so we can do our scenes. I don't know." Gable snaps, 'Just do the dialogue. He's too seri­ous. Just forget about it." In Casino I didn't go, "What's my motivation to be scared?" With De Niro and Martin Scorsese, they'd sit and discuss it. Scorsese would say, "Roll 'em!" and De Niro would walk through the casino with me and go, "Huhmhhgh-hrrhhuhghhh." I'd say, "Hold it! I can't do this. The man mumbles. I don't need this. The man is a mumbler!" The crew would start laughing, and Scorsese would fall down, which was a problem because he's three feet tall to begin with. With Marty I would always say, "Get him a couple of phone books. I can't see him. I hate to work with a director you can't see."

Q9

playboy: How scary was it to do that psy­chotic Casino scene in which Joe Pesci beats you with a phone? rickles: Joe gets carried away. He really believed he was that guy. I had on a rub­ber suit, and it still hurt. He hit me on the shoulders. If I didn't have the rub­ber suit, I'd be dead. In fact, after the scene was over, I said to Pesci, 'Joe, go sit down and take a Valium." I still get a little nervous anytime somebody hands me a telephone receiver.

Q1O

PLAYBOY: You're a believer in the lovely tradition of the preshow cocktail. What does it do for you?

rickles: The drink gives me a kick in the ass. You feel great. I go vodka rocks before a show. My road manager, Tony O., makes it for me, just like he did for Frank Sinatra when he worked for him on the road. And yet I don't drink at home at all. Never touch it, I swear to God. But when I'm working or at a dinner party, I have a few. It's a relaxing thing.

on

playboy: What are the advantages of put­ting off getting married? You were 38 when you took the plunge. rickles: I guess I had my share of fun when I was single. Frank used to help me out a lot in that department, which should be a big surprise, stop the presses. One night I was sitting with a girl in the lounge of the Sands. I knew she was somebody I could score with if things went right. So I went up to him at his table and said, "Listen, Frank, I'm with this girl, and if you came over and said hello to me and her it would be a very big deal." He said, "No prob­lem." So after a while he came over and

said, 'Hey, Don, it's nice to see you and this beautiful lady here." I looked up and said, very loud, "Frank, not now! Can't you see I'm with somebody?" He laughed his ass off. Then, as I like to say, he had seven guys pick me up and throw me out of the casino. That part didn't happen. But he loved to remind me of that story, rest his soul.

Q12

playboy: Since you flew with him often, describe the ring-a-ding kick of sharing a private plane with Sinatra. ricki.ES: Frank loved to fly. He always sat in the front of the plane. Every once in a while he'd say, "Tell Rickles I want to see him." I'd come up, and he'd point out the window and say, "Don, look at the way the sun sets. Look at the colors." This was after we'd had a few drinks, but he was serious. I'd have to sit there and go, "Urn, yeah, Frank. Fantastic." It would be pitch-black sometimes—"Look at that sky, those dark blues!" I was so intimidated by him I'd say, "Yeah, it looks great." Then we had food on the plane. If they served dead dog, I'd say, "Delicious, Frank."

Q13

playboy: Once upon a time you had a huge fan named Elvis Presley. How did the King show you the love? ricklks: It was the strangest thing. I was onstage at the Riviera in Vegas one night, and he walked out from the wings, wearing his full white jumpsuit costume. He pulled out a piece of paper and said, "Don, can I

do a little poem in your honor?" Let's face it, he was weird. He started reading, "Let the birds sing in the trees"—whatever the hell it was; we're talking about 35 years ago. He finished, and then he gave me a little chain with a lightning-bolt medallion on it, which all his guys wore. The initials TCB were on it, which stood for Taking Care of Business. Cute. I gave it to my son, who was a kid back then, and he sold it to somebody. Today it's supposed to be very valuable. Anyway, Elvis gave me that, made a whole speech. I made a few cracks, the audience went crazy, and then he left. But he followed me like 1 was a hero. And I wasn't that old back then.

Q14

playboy: Las Vegas today is a different world from the Las Vegas you once knew. What do you miss the most? rickles: Even though they say the wise-guys ran the place, the main thing I miss is the one-owner system. When it was great, every hotel had one guy you could go to and say, "I want to have a party." And it was, "Give Rickles and his family this and that." One guy made you feel very at home. Today if you have a cup of coffee it's, "Sign here and a copy here and another copy here." It's all corpora­tions, all business. There's none of the camaraderie that made you feel special.

Q15

playboy: Another thing that's gone are the Vegas shows at five a.m., which you always made must-see entertain­ment in the old Casbar Lounge at the

Sahara. What was funny at that hour? rickles: With enough vodka, everything's funny at that hour. I did shows at 12, two and five in the morning. At five you never did the regular show; you just kidded around. It was breakfast over a bar where everyone was still drinking. That's why Liza Minnelli did a show at one o'clock in die morning in Vegas last year. She invited all the people from the different shows. She's trying to bring it back, but that's not going to happen. It's a different world.

Q16

playboy: What should a man understand about his mother?

rickles: I make no secret that I was a mother's boy, which always throws peo­ple. I say every night at the end of my act, "As long as you live, never forget your mother, because she'll never forget you." My mother was the Jewish Patton. She was very strong-willed, with a voice that grabbed you, just booming. She would walk into a room and take over: "How are you, my darlings?" I was basically shy and probably still am. I would be hiding behind a wall, but my mom, by being her­self, made it so I could come out and be who I am. She gave me that strength. And she lived through me.

Q17

playboy: What does it say about your power that people hire you for private gigs with the hope that you'll destroy them? rickles: That always breaks me up. They hire me but then give me instructions backstage. I just did one with Bill Gates, Warren Buffett and Steve Wynn in the audience. I was flown to Vegas and given a suite for two nights at Wynn's hotel, and I had to do only a half hour. My pay was 10 hours' use of a private-jet service to fly wherever I wanted. But I got the same thing backstage: "Don't make too much fun of Warren, and don't say anything about Steve's vision problems." And I've known Steve Wynn for 35 years! I said, "Why am I here? You hired me to do this, you schmucks." I'd never met Warren Buffett before in my life, but he was a great guy. His suit was wrinkled from the humidity. I walked up to him, pulled him into the spodight and said, "Here's $5—get the suit pressed. Whatever you need, sweetheart. Don't be bashful. I have more if you need the help; just call me." He laughed, thank God. I told Bill Gates. "How does a 12-year-old guy with all those little light-up toys become so rich? I don't understand it. Where's your wet nurse?" And with Wynn, I pantomimed him with the cane and the dog. I just made it up for a half hour, and now I'm using the private plane.

Q18

playboy: You've also spent time in the White House. How does your act go over in the Oval Office?

ricklf.S: I've met five presidents— Ronald Reagan, rest his soul, Clin­ton, Ford, the first Bush, Nixon. Each one did the same thing when we were introduced: They faded back like I was going to set fire to their pants. And then there was Jimmy Carter. Bob Newhart and I were led into the Oval Office, and there was just a sweater on the chair. The guy left! Newhart said, "It's you. He's afraid of you!" I told his vice president, Walter Mon-dale, about it. He said, "You mean he left? He didn't see you? I can't believe it. The leader of the Western world is afraid of—you}"

Q19

plavboy: Have you ever been out-Ricklesed? rickles: I was in New York, and this homeless guy came up to me and said, "Mr. Rickles, can you help me out?" I said, "Here's five bucks. Buy yourself a ranch." And I kept walking. But the guy came running after me with his hand out again, so I turned and said, "What is it?" He said, "Now I need cattle." I thought that was good.

Q20

playboy: Who can't take a joke? RICKLES: People always ask if anybody ever wanted to get up and hit me. That's so ridiculous. At this stage of my career, some people may come to see my act not knowing exactly what I do, others come out of curiosity, and some people are devoted fans. But nobody comes to be in a rumble. The whole thing is that I'm never mean-spirited, and people can always tell that. I may not be for everybody, but I'm sure somebody didn't like Bob Hope, either. When you stand out and sell yourself, there's always somebody who won't like you. In the beginning there was always controversy, which I expected. "He said my uncle was fat. Who says that to my uncle?" It was unheard of. But nobody wanted to come up and kill me. And if they did, in those days I had my Italian manager, Joe Scandore, with four guys who had good noses and strong arms.

Read the 21st question at playboy.com/magazme.