Students on students

recent years a particular species of provocateuse has sprung up at colleges across the country: the sex columnist. Whether she's flip and flirty or deadly earnest, her weekly musings on dating, mating and getting your­self tested can be much needed must-reads in bland campus newspapers. It's probably no coincidence that these pundits of pleasure were raised on Sex and the City. Whether they're destined to be Carrie Bradshaws, Dr. Ruths or suburban hausfraus is beside the point; right now, nobody knows more about the sexual goings-on in the collegiate trenches (as it were) than the young ladies who write about them every week. We spoke to seven of the best about campus carnality.

Why all women? Because men just don't write sex columns. Well, one does, and his unapologetic guy talk rubs a lot of people the wrong way. But see for yourself-we talked to him, too.

NICOLE WROTEN (Loyola University New Orleans): Sex is always the buzz on campus. All anyone ever talks about is who's having sex with whom and how they're doing it. The sex column is always the most popular thing in the paper. Much to my parents' and a few boyfriends' dismay, I've never had a problem talking about sex.

MARCO SCOTT (Northwestern University): I once read a sex column at Northwestern that someone else had written, and I felt it wasn't sex-positive. It was an article about anal sex, and it was about buying enemas-a lot of worry. The weird thing is, the guy who wrote it is gay.

CHRISTINE BORDEN (University of California, Berkeley): The previous sex columnist's pieces read like a pamphlet you'd find at a health center. Or the topics were just conde­scending, like "How to Give a Blow Job." I figured, This is Berkeley; everyone here already knows how to do that.

NICOLE: I've had more sex and more partners than most of the good Catholic girls at my school. But then, I'm not Catholic. A sex columnist shouldn't be a virgin, but she doesn't need to be a whore-unless she wants to be.

JANET JAY (Carnegie Mellon University): I haven't had crazy sex all over the place, so if that's the qualification, I'm not a good sex columnist.

WES MULLER (University of New Orleans): It's absolutely necessary for a sex columnist to have lots of sex. It's about experience. You wouldn't want to read political commentary by a person with no political background. My columns are based on my own experiences. MARCO: If I'm not friends with you, I don't really give a fuck about what you did last weekend. GLORY FINK (University of Southern Mississippi): We care about other people's sex life

only if it's Brad Pitt's or Angelina Jolie's. JANET: I started writing the column because so many people at Carnegie Mellon are socially inept. The questions I got most often weren't about sex; they were "How do I start a conversation with a girl at a bar?" There are a lot of weird people at CMU. They don't need advice on using condoms or the basics of sex­ual health. They need advice on how not to creep girls out.

WES: A female reader asked why guys are obsessed with anal sex, so I wrote a column about it called "Why Are Guys Obsessed With Anal Sex?" That was my most controversial column, mainly because of the title.

NICOLE: I did a column called "Wedding Nights Are Overrated," which was not well received at all. It was advice to a girl on how to lose her virginity: Okay, you need to be ready for the mental aspects and the physical aspects, and you need to know who you're going to do it with, and blah blah blah. Normal stuff, nothing very ris­que. I wasn't writing blow job every other word. The worst word I used was hymen.

KATE PRENCAMAN (College of William & Mary): I use blow job so freely I accidentally

said it on NPR once.

NICOLE: The responses I got were ridiculous. We had alumni from, like, the 1940s

coming into the offices, saying, "How dare you write this?" Other faculty members

gave my advisor a hard time, saying. "What are you letting these kids do?" I was

working at a magazine then, and when my boss read it she threatened to fire me. The

old geezers didn't like it, but I didn't care. I wasn't writing it for them.

MARCO: I never had the "You're a slut and you're making other people slutty" kind

of attack. My editor was fairly conservative, and she would cringe. She'd be like.

"Are we really doing the butt-sex article?"

WES: The other staff members don't like my column. There's a meeting every week.

I went to two of them, and the only thing anybody talked about was whether my

column was inappropriate. So I stopped going to the meetings.

KEEPING UP APPEARANCES

MARCO: I think a lot of women I ran into at Northwestern liked to talk about their sexual exploits but hadn't actually had vaginal sex yet. They were talking like, "Yeah, then I went down on him. and then blah blah blah...." So there's an air of promiscuity that isn't actually happening. Because we're known as a sort of dorky campus that doesn't party a lot. that's the ongoing thorn in the school's side. |ESSICA HARALSON (University of Pennsylvania): People post Facebook pictures of themselves-"Like, so wasted!!!"-and type drunken IMs to prove how "cool" and "col­legiate" they are. What is so cool and impressive about losing control of your physical

judgment and your bodily functions.'' WES: I have so many female friends who say, "Oh, I was so drunk. I didn't really want to go home with your friend." I'm like, "Yeah, right. I know you were horny." KATE: We want to see sex as empower­ing. It doesn't always feel that way, but we're working to get there. NICOLE: I've been called a slut. It happens all the time.

KATE: Being a slut is different from just being sexually expressive. It's a nega­tive judgment, especially when girls use it. No one wants to be called a slut, but acting a little slutty from time to time isn't shameful.

NICOLE: I lost my virginity relatively late. I didn't lose it in high school; I didn't do anything in high school. But Loyola is a very Catholic campus, and I have a lot of girlfriends who are still virgins. If a girl doesn't like another girl, what's the first thing she'll call her? Slut. Especially if she does screw around. But you know what? Everybody's doing it, so the word doesn't have the same power anymore. LARA LOEWENSTEIN (UCLA): Slut is still an insult. But then so is virgin. Sex can be empowering, but it can also be demeaning. It's all about context. WES: If a guy is called a slut, it's like, whatever, you get laid a lot. If a girl is called a slut, it's always a bad thing, and it will be a long time before it isn't.

WE'VE COT TONIGHT

MARCO: Some nights you're like, I'm gonna go out and find somebody, and we're gonna fuck. You shave your legs and put on your nice underwear. But sometimes when the girl puts the moves on, there are mishaps. It's like, Does he want me? Are we going to have sex? What's going on? In some ways it's easier to do it the old way. He says, "Whoa, it's getting late. Do you wanna watch a movie at my place?" She says, "Sure." So you go over there, you get the tour, and you pause at the bedroom. That whole scripted scene is something you both recognize. There are no mixed signals; this is how it goes.

NICOLE: My first one-night stand ended up being a two-night stand; we slept together the next night, too. He was a radio Dj. After that I had to hear him on the radio every morning.

KATE: I was hooking up with a boy once, and I guess we were drunker than I thought. Things didn't go as smoothly as planned, so he got kind of embar­rassed. "Oh my Cod, I can't believe I hooked up with the sex columnist. You're going to write about this, aren't you? Ahh!" He just screamed and ran out of my house. That kind of thing happens every once in a while. MARGO: There are some rules for one-night stands. Don't ask each other if you're seeing or hooking up with anyone else. That totally kills the mood. Also there's less getting-to-know-you.

There's not a lot of talk about work or family-unless he lives with his family, in which case that's probably a deal breaker anyway. On second thought, you probably won't even get laid. WES: I have some rules for casual sex, for what you'd call a fuck buddy. Keep it to

once a week. Try to have as little communication as possible. The only things you need to discuss are when and where. When you meet face-to-face, have no commu­nication other than deciding on which position and the common moans of coitus. Limit cuddling to five to 10 minutes.

LETTING IT ALL HANG OUT

CHRISTINE: At Berkeley anything goes. You go to a party, and people will already be naked when you get there.

NICOLE: Tourists are the only ones who flash at Mardi Cras. It's not worth it; you'll get beads no matter what-unless you want a really big throw. The only person I've ever seen flash was my boyfriend's sister. She's from Pittsburgh. A girl won't volun­tarily take her top off at a party. She has to be intoxicated, but it does happen. KATE: Sexual nudity and silly nudity are two very different things. Just because people

are naked doesn't mean it has anything to do with sex. Sexual nudity is a lot less common at parties and in public. WES: Nudity? I love streaking! I've got­ten naked at a few parties, but I've been the exception.

CHRISTINE: I went to a stripper party, and in the corner was a guy standing completely naked except for a fishnet bodysuit. It wasn't very flattering. It was kind of disturbing. NICOLE: I've been to a lingerie party; we called it an underwear party. I wore just underwear and a top. A bunch of people we invited showed up dressed normally, and we were like, "Nope, you gotta take your clothes off." Girls were wearing underwear, bras, high heels and fish­nets. It was a great, great party. LARA: Girls make out with one another at parties all the time. KATE: Many college women do it for the attention of the boys at the parties. Their boyfriends don't mind, and they don't consider it cheating, but it's still a bit of a thrill. WES: They're definitely trying to get

attention from guys, but it works, so more power to them. We like to think they would do it if no guys were around, but I don't think that's the case. NICOLE: A lot of times girls do it to get a guy's attention but not all the time. Girls are more comfortable with one another now. They trust one another more than they trust guys. If a guy's not around, they'll make out with each other. I've done it.

LARA: As for a "true" lesbian experi­ence, if people are sexually open, they

are often willing to experiment. This goes more for girls than guys, since there is a stronger stigma against gay men.

A/VCLUB

JESSICA: Porn is awesome. Many women my age understand that porn is just sexual stimulation-not competition. CHRISTINE: It's a masturbatory aid.

NICOLE: Porn can be fun if you watch it together. I mean, guys do it by themselves; why not do it with him? I'm not the kind of girl who watches porn alone, but I don't think it's wrong for guys to look at porn.

WES: I've brought girls home and they've asked me. "You got any porn?" I say yeah, and they say, "So let's watch some." The girl will want to put in the porn, watch it and have sex at the same time.

MARCO: I love porn. A lot of straight porn really sucks. I still watch it because I'm a perv and I like to watch people fucking, but I don't need the melon breasts. WES: I don't think girls prefer any one kind. I've had them complain about some stuff, but they never turn it off. Most guys keep porn on their computer. If they claim they don't, they're probably lying.

NICOLE: I've found it on my boyfriend's computer. It was interesting. I told him, "Don't be embarrassed. It's no big deal." I don't get it, but if he thinks it's great, I say go for it. A lot of women say they don't understand pornography, but it makes them angry. Why get angry at something if you don't understand it? WES: Girls can get a little jealous of the porn star. They think you're looking at her and are more attracted to her than to them. There's no reason to think that. Everybody watches porn, but everybody knows the real thing is 10 times better-

100 times better. There's no reason to be jealous of some friggin' porn star nobody knows.

ORAL EXAM

NICOLE: A lot of these Catholic so-called virgins don't consider oral sex to be sex. They use the title virgin to mean "I haven't had intercourse." Or maybe "just the tip, to see how it feels." Oral sex can be just as intimate as intercourse-it's in your mouth, for Cod's sake. KATE: Oral sex is way more intimate than intercourse. Your face is all up in there, and you can't be detached or anything, the way you can with a casual fuck. MARCO: I think vaginal sex is definitely more intimate, but plenty of people have told me oral when I've asked the same question, which kind of blows my mind. WES: I've never been a fan of blow jobs. Maybe I've just gotten crappy ones, but I've gotten off from a blow job only a couple of times, once from an Asian chick when I was working in a bar, the other from a Peruvian girl. She had nice lips. Girls give blow jobs because they think that's what guys want, but I haven't (concluded on page 142)

STUDENTS

(continued from page 60) met many girls who'll tell you giving head is pleasurable for them. kate: Giving a blow job is a bit of a power trip for a lot of girls. But for a woman, receiving oral sex is too intimate and uncomfortable to enjoy with someone you're not really involved with. chkistine: Nothing's more intimate than anal sex. The pooper is a private place. I've been trying to peg my boy­friend for months.

kate: Most of my peers have more oral sex, and much more casually, than they would ever have intercourse. It's a result of all the "education" we get that sex is bad and dangerous. So we don't do it; we do oral instead. It's not logical at all, but it's where we are. clorv: In Mississippi sex education is abstinence-only. Abstinence. Only. There is no discussion of condoms or STDs. The educators who are supposed to be teaching this are forbidden to dis­cuss sex at all, even to give recommen­dations on where to get condoms. nicole: Condoms are in fishbowls in bars everywhere in New Orleans, which is great, but you can't get them on the Loyola campus. There's a Rite Aid around the corner, of course. If you're a girl and go to the clinic with a cough or cold, the doctors will hound you: Are you pregnant? Are you sure? Are you sexually active? How many

partners have you had? It's like the freaking Inquisition.

ADVICE SQUAD

margo: For guys, my number one piece of advice is to use lube. I feel personally responsible for turning a lot of people on to this for vaginal sex. They're like, "Oh my God, it feels a lot better." I'm like, "Yeah, nobody likes a dry vagina. Tell all the girls you date from now on to thank me." wts: My advice for a freshman girl would be to get on birth control, then have as much sex as possible. jane'I": I'd say to a freshman girl, "Don't be too nice." Don't be a bitch, but don't be too nice. At Carnegie Mellon there's a high incidence of Asperger's syndrome, a mild form of autism. Those who have it can function completely fine, but they don't understand social cues at all. They'll stand three inches from your face when they talk to you. I suffered through a lot of weird hugs and weird, awkward back rubs. People would walk up and just start rubbing my back. I would try to politely get out of it when I should have just turned around and said, "You're creep­ing me out. Get away!" WES. I tell you, it's hard getting laid as a freshman guy. It's important for you to make a name for yourself early. If you fuck one girl, fuck her good because she's going to tell all her friends. Word of mouth is the best advertisement. Second thing is, don't piss them off. One mistake a lot of

freshman guys make is to date or have sex with one girl, then break up with her and piss her off. Then he'll never have sex with any of her friends.

THREE'S A CROWD

WKS: I've had some girls' roommates get in the way a couple of times. But most of the time if a girl wants to have sex with you, it's going to happen. chkistinK: I've definitely sexiled my roommate, but if you're dating someone, you tend to go over to the guy's place. ut.S: Home-field advantage is a good thing to have. You control the setting. Do we watch TV in the living room or the bedroom? If you want to get her into bed, you could tell her the TV in the liv­ing room isn't working. With my room­mates there's an unspoken agreement: II I bring a girl over, leave us alone. christinK: When you're dating in college it's good to look out for someone who has a car and/or a single dorm room. A single is gold. It's not the first thing I look for in a guy, but if I find out he has a single, it's definitely bonus points.

WHAT I LIKE ABOUT YOU

marco: I love men for so many reasons. The male body is the hottest thing on the planet. I've definitely freaked guys out by being like, "You have a fucking beautiful dick." They're like, "What?" and I'm like, "Your cock's gorgeous." A nice dick is a great turn-on. A lot of men aren't used to receiving com­pliments, and they're so wonderful when they do. They're taken aback, and they're like. Wow! chris'i INK: 1 like feeling support. Some­times I like to play the submissive gen­der role, being the little spoon to the guy's big spoon. It's very comforting to be with someone different from you yet still find you fit together. I'm a bit of a princess, so I like being taken care of. A guy will put up with that a whole lot more than another girl will. wks I like everything about women— their bodies, that's number one. But they also have a certain naive mind-set I find attractive. Actually, sometimes that can be not such a good thing, too. marc.O: Men are so passionate about the things they love. They can express pas­sion in so many ways that women aren't allowed to in society, or maybe we just don't. Men get riled up about sports or politics or food. I think that's so sexy. glory: I love men. The majority of my best friends have been men. I've always enjoyed the company of men. I love their sense of humor. I love read­ing sex columns in magazines like playboy. I care about penises. Penises can be your friends. Some of my best friends are penises, to paraphrase my mother and father.

"I FOUND PORN ON MY BOYFRIEND'S COMPUTER. IT WAS INTERESTING."

"GIRLS MAKE OUT WITH ONE ANOTHER AT PARTIES ALL THE TIME."