Swinging from A to Z

word swinging conjures days of yore when pubic regions were covered with mounds (upon mounds) of tween strangers was truly shocking. Take the TV series Swingtown. Yes, very entertaining, but it suggests lenomenon of the 1970s exclusively, one that shrank away like a postcoital erection during the Reagan years, e movement is more alive today than ever. The Internet has given rise to a subculture of fun seekers who communicate with nymity. Whatever you're into—a little "half and half," perhaps—someone keen to join you is just a mouse click away. Don't believe ? Have a look at your area's Craigslist personals, under "Casual Encounters," for mw4mw listings (man and woman for man and Oman). Swingersboard.com lists no fewer than 25 communities and clubs in Texas alone and 35 in California. This month Taschen

out there waiting to embrace you. All you need to know is how to speak the language. Herewith, a hot bowl of alphabet soup.

O AC/DC: Person who goes both ways.

ANIMALTRAININC: Sexual activity that involves live animals, usually dogs but sometimes snakes, ferrets or even chickens (see John Waters's Pink Flamingos).

Not doctor-recommended.

BBW: Big. beautiful woman, i.e.. fat girl.

BOSM: Sex that involves power, submis­sion and bruises; technically a combo of three terms-BD (bondage and discipline). D5 (dominance and submission) and SM (sadism and masochism).

BOUNDARIES: Divisions between what is acceptable and what isn't, the key to a civilized group-sex encounter And you do not want an uncivilized encounter-otherwise you'll find yourself in the center of one every day in the state penitentiary.

OC: Couple, usually with modifiers such as MWC (married white couple), MBC (married black couple). MBiC (married bisexual couple) or OC (a couple bearing a strange resem­blance to Walter Matthau and Jack Lemmon).

CAN ENTERTAIN: Potential hookup is willing to invite other swingers into his or her home Cokes and chips optional

CAN TRAVEL: Hookup will come to the home of someone willing to host.

CLOSED DOOR (OR CLOSED SWINGING): Spouses or companions swap but have sex in different rooms of the same house.

CUCKOLD: Man who gets off by watching other men bang his wife.

CUDDLE PARTY: Toothless Generation Y take on the orgy, in which participants lie on the floor and caress one another Get an erec­tion and you'll be asked to leave Kids today-they just don't get it

CULTURE: Euphemism for a sexual

position or fetish Examples include:

-» AMERICAN CULTURE: Man on top; the

missionary position

-» ENGLISH CULTURE: Sexual stimulation

from spanking

-» FRENCH CULTURE: Oral-genital activity.

-» GREEK CULTURE: Anal.

-» ROMAN CULTURE: Orgy.

¦? CULTURE CLUB: Party in which some of

the women are actually men Or are they?

D/DFREE: Drug- and disease-free.

DRUGS: Common condiments at swing parties. Specific examples: -» 420: Participants will be smoking pot. ¦* ROCK CLIMBING: Participants will be smoking crack ¦* SKIING: Participants will be snorting cocaine.

ERECTION: Otherwise known as wood, metal, hard-on, stiffy throbbing gristle, bone daddy, blue steel, pitching a tent, boner, full salute and hello Cleveland.

EUROPEAN-STYLE CLUB: Sex club or event where all the guests must remove their clothes upon entering or at a designated hour. Brie is often served.

FUCKING: When a man and a woman love each other very much ...

GENEROUS: Willing to pay for sex.

GYNAEOLATRY: Fancy term for the worship of women. We prefer the word love

HALF AND HALF: Oral sex that involves both a blow job and a rim job. And maybe a cup of coffee

HONEY POT: Very tasty vagina

HWP: Someone who is height-weight proportionate, i.e.. not a BBW.

INTERESTED IN FRIENDSHIP:

Describes a couple seeking a swinging relationship that involves emotional depth rather than just boring old sex.

|R: irterracial.

KEY PARTY: As seen in the film The Ice Storm (right), an event at which couples show up and drop their keys into a hat. Keys are then picked out. thus randomly

matching men and women. Usually this involves friends fucking friends' spouses and tends to make PTA nights kind of weird

LIFESTYLE, THE: Practice of swinging.

as in "Hi. I'm George W My wife. Laura, and I have been in the lifestyle for about eight years now."

LTR: Long-term relationship.

LURKING: Going to an orgy but not participating. What are you, some kind of weirdo?

MARITAL AIDS: Vibrators, dildos and

any other machinery.

MAT (OR CROUP) ROOM: Room in a swingers' club where multiple sexual encounters occur simultaneously

MORESOME: More than three people in a swinging interaction. The moresome the merrier

NASCA INTERNATIONAL: Organi­zation (formerly the North Ameri­can Swingers Club Association) of clubs, websites, publications, travel agencies and events that cater to the swinging lifestyle. Like NASCAR but faster

NO: Means no! The number one rule at any swing party or orgy.

ON-PREMISES VERSUS OFF-PREMISES:

The two types of clubs or parties.

"On-premises" indicates a club where attendees can screw; an off-premises club is a place where swingers can meet but must go elsewhere to have sex

OWO: Oral without-i.e., without condom. Also: the word hello mumbled by a woman with something large in her mouth.

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PA: Performance anxiety; nothing a little pill wont solve (see Viagra).

PLAYBOY MANSION: Site of many epic orgies over the years-or so we're told.

POSITIONS: Types of sex acts some swingers request specifically, such as... -? BUMPING DOUGHNUTS: Two naked women grinding their crotches together. Delicious and nonfattening.

-?DAISY CHAIN: Three or more people linked by oral sex in a chain that forms a circle. -» 71: Variation on 69 in which the partici­pants also give each other the old finger in the bum. Bonus. 72. 73. 74...

PRO: Prostitute or paid escort.

SAFE: Term for a naturally or surgically sterile woman Care to come inside?

SECRET WORSHIP: Literal meaning of the Creek word orgio. from whence we get orgy.

SOFT SWINGING (OR SOFT SWAP):

Swapping partners for petting and fore-play but not intercourse.

SRS: Same-room sex. opposite of closed door.

SWALLOW: Bird in the family Hirundinidae that takes its name from its ability to eat while in flight.

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TICKET: Attractive woman with no interest in swinging or group sex who is used by a man to gain access to a swing party or orgy. Once her male friend is in. the ticket may try to leave-which is why most swingers' clubs insist couples arrive together and leave together.

TOWEL: Essential at any sex party. You may be wiping up things too stubborn for Kleenex or even Bounty. Some parties advertise a "we supply towel at the door" policy.

UNICORN: Bisexual single female, so called because many couples want one but they're so very rare.

VANILLA: Adjective used by swingers to define nonswingers.

VERSATILE: Bisexual (see AC/DC).

VIAGRA: One drug that's always welcome.

WATER SPORTS: Peeing. LVJ)

WAY-OUTS (OR WEIRDOS): People

interested in bizarre stuff like "scat" (short for scotology) or anything involving blueberries.

i ZIPPER SEX: Fast and furious blow job

'given without dropping pants-ideally

in a Ferrari being chased by the cops.