William Shatner

"/ don't care if you are coming as Eve. Go home and put some leaves on."

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SHATNER

(continued from page 90) it's inslanl gratification. You couldn't orgasm faster.

Q3

PLAYBOY: What do you sing in the shower? shatnkR: I keep trying to remember the words to the national anthem. At least I'm standing. Erect.

Q4

PLAYBOY: Gotten your hands on any new tech gadgetry lately?

SHATNER: I got an alarm clock. It's so good that I didn't know how to turn it on. When I was shown how, I couldn't turn it off. And I don't know how to pro­gram it. Then I saw an ad in an in-flight magazine for a $19 alarm clock that you can speak to: "Wake me at eight tomorrow morning." I got that, too. An actor needs to get up on time, so it's always good to have a backup alarm clock. That's another thing you have to remember, along with the pills you have to take.

Q5

PI.WBOY: As a bona fide TV pitchman, what ads speak to you these days? SILMNF.R: What about those sexual potency ads? The guys in them are what, 25, 26—a year or two past the full bloom of youth, so they need the pill? One thing confuses me: those ads with the couple in the bath­tubs. When it comes to sex, hot water is the antithesis of what you want. It kills every­thing. All the blood vessels relax. You'd think you'd want to sit in a bucket of cold water just before meeting that girl.

Q6

PI-AYBOY: In the Priceline ads you're known as the Negotiator. What have you tried to negotiate for yourself in life that you've failed to secure?

shatneR: Love. All my life—except with my current wife. I won at that negotiation: "I'll give you my life if you give me your love," and she gave me more love than I gave her. That was my greatest negotiation. Is that because I learned something from my previous marriages? It's more what I've learned from the past 70 years: Walk up stairs carefully. Be even more careful

coming down. That's my sound advice to anybody over 25.

O7

PIAYBOY: You'll be 80 next year. Betty White will be 89. What can a classy babe like Betty teach a young whippersnapper like you? shatnkR: Did you have to mention my age? Did you have to remind me? [pauses] She's really old. I think of" her as an old friend. I mean an old friend. But listen, she's got moves you wouldn't believe. She's totally flexible in the hip area. Her arms are stiff, but the hips? Totally flexible.

Q8

PIAYBOY: On your intei"view show, Raw Nerve, you and your guests sit on an S-shaped couch. Does that stand for Shatner? SHATNER: I designed the couch, but I didn't think of it as an S. You could also look at it as an infinity sign, and if you put a line through it, it would be a dollar sign. There's so much you can do with that shape. 'Ib me, it's a light wave. It's an oscillation. No, it's really all about the positioning of our bod­ies just shy of the cultural definition of that bubble of personal space. I want to be right on the edge. I don't want to make the guest uncomfortable, but I want to listen to every­thing he or she has to say.

Q9

piayboY: What have you learned from being an interviewer that throws light on all the times you've been grilled? shatnkR: I recently read a magazine story about Tom Cruise. lie was explaining the famous moment when he leapt on Oprah's sofa. I'm paraphrasing: "I wanted Oprah to feel the joy that I was feeling about this love I felt. I just bounded up on the sofa and I bounded back." Afterward I thought, What is all the fuss about? He leapt onto a sofa. It was quite athletic. And so what? Everybody made like he had gone crazy. That's what every person I know who has been inter­viewed tries to avoid, that moment when they say, "Yeah, I did that, but what I meant was..." and people try to harm you or find something sensational in it. When I inter­view, I don't want any of that. I didn't ask Jon Voight about his daughter, Angelina Jolie, deliberately. I didn't ask Jenna Jame­son about fucking, deliberately.

Q1O

PIAYBOY: Do you ever read any of that slash fiction about Kirk and Spock? SHATNKR: The erotic stuff? No. I've seen some references to it and some cartoons. \smiles\ Wishful thinking.

Oil

PIAYBOY: What Star Trek question do you never want to be asked again? shatnkR: It's been 40-<xkI yeai? since I was on the show, and I've been asked every question. I am fascinated by its continuous allure. It's a multifaceted jewel, some of which glimmers. I just came back from a convention in Vancou­ver, where six-year-old children would come by and the daddy would say, "Here's Captain Kirk!" Then of course there are those who ask, "Would you say 'Beam me up, Scotty'?" while I've got spaghetti in my mouth. And so it

goes on. The Star Trek questions are okay with me most of the time. I both get it and don't get it. Why are you still interest ed? But if you are, I get it, and here's the answer.

Q12

playboy: On Star Trek, when you were younger you took off your shirt a lot. As Denny Crane on Boston Legal you dropped your pants a lot. Which is more satisfying? SHATNKR: I lifted weights for a while when I was on Star Trek and built a good body. And I've always been an athlete. Lately I haven't done what I should do, but I'm still in good shape and have terrific endurance. I can lide more horses in a day, in competition, than anybody. But that said, the muscles of my chest and arms when I was 25 have dropped to become rigid and beautifully formed mus­cles around my waist and real' end.

O13

PIAYBOY: In Boston. Legal you and James Spader share cigars, scotch and man-love on the balcony in one of the greatest love affairs on television. Can you give us the short course on bromance? silmnkR: When I'm available, which is fairly often, I have Monday Night Football at my house. I have an ll-ft screen. I order in good food, and 20 or 30 guys come over. We all yell and scream at Monday Night Foot­ball, eat the food and drink the beer. That's man-love. My wife, who's the great wife, will join us. In a certain way, in a fond nod in her direction, she's part of my man-love. I wished for it and got it, by some odd act of will.

Q14

PLAYBOY: Careerwise you've gone from being promising to, sometimes, a punch line, to priceless. You're a master of self-parody. Is camp better when it's intentional or unintentional?

SHATNKR: If it's not intended then it's unfor­tunate. That means you're totally unaware of the forces around you. There's something pitiful about that. I may have gone from promising to pitiful, but I don't think so. I think for the most pail I've been aware of what I'm doing. I know sometimes people laughed at me, but if they were laughing at, say, the songs or the singing, I don't know why. I never presented myself as a singer. What I was—am—is a lover of poetry and the lyrics of poetry. You can take that as you will. I'm acting a song. If you don't get it, you don't get it. I get it, so I don't see the parody there. As for my way of speaking, which everyone parodies, that's not really me, as you may have noticed. The pausing was half acting, half desperately trying to remember the next line.

Q15

PLAYBOY: You recently read excerpts from Sarah Palin's b<x)k on The Tonight Shout. If you were Captain Kirk and you met Sarah Palin on another planet, would you hit on her? silmnkR: She's a veiy attractive woman. Abso­lutely. Under veiy different circumstances.

Q16

PLAYBOY: Tell us about your first cowboy hat. silmnkR: I can't be specific, but I can give you an impression. I went to make a Western

early in my career because of how much I loved horses. I thought, My God, if I could get paid for being on a horse and being in a Western! So I got to be in a Western, and they handed me a hat. I remember looking at myself in that Western hat and thinking, This is ridiculous. I still lked like a Jew­ish kid from Montreal. It wasn't working. Until recently I didn't think Western hats and I went together. Now that I've been riding a lot of Western horses, my Stetsons have become sort of beaten up. As such, they've become part of me. And my face has broadened. I think you need a broad, Irish-looking face to look good in a Stetson. If you have a narrow little Jewish face, you just look like a dick with a big hat.

Q17

playboy: Of what arc you most proud? shainf.R: Other than my wife and kids and grandchildren, I may be most proud of the fact that as a horseman I've begun to win. To win. I won a belt buckle as the top amateur in my skill on the West Coast, and two weeks ago I won a saddle as the top competitor—-the top, the one who's made the most points, which means I've won or come in second or third more times than any other amateur on the West Coast. I'm proud because it means I'm starting to see the results, the aggrega­tion of all I've learned and practiced.

Q18

PLAYBOY: How would you like to be remembered?

SHATNF.R: It's an empty wish, whether it's next week, next month or a maximum of five years, lx-cause there are people walk­ing around now saying "Who's Cary Grant?" "Gandhi? What was he?" The great human beings who contributed so much to our knowledge of any adventure the human mind has gone into have long been forgot­ten except by those few people who study them—and even they don't think of them as real. But if you take a mere entertainer who hasn't made a good movie, they're gone before they're dead.

Q19

PLAYBOY: What has slowed you down that you wish hadn't?

shatnf.R: My legs don't work the same way. I can't run like I used to. I dream about run­ning. That's what the horses do. When I'm right with the horse, the horse is running for me. I've had a hip replacement, and my legs are a little weak. That's what has slowed me down. Nothing else. My bld pressure is incredible. I had an examination this morn­ing for an insurance policy, and I'm great.

Q20

playboy: At the end of your autobiography, Up Till Now, you write briefly about the great mysteries of life, including the question of whether you wear a toupee. Without saying if it's true or not, tell us: What instructions have you given for preserving the mystery after you're gone?

SIIATNKR: \I.aughs\ None. But since there's no mystery, I don't need to leave instruc­tions. How's that for an answer?