Zach Galifianakis

THE COMIC ACTOR HAS A FEW PET PEEVES: HIS FINGERS ARE TOO FAT TO TEXT, AUDIENCES CAN BE RUDE, COMPUTERS ANNOY HIM-AND DON'T GET HIM STARTED ON HIPSTERS AND THEIR TINY JEANS

PLAYBOY: Your new movie Due Date is about a pair of stranger. on a road trip to Los Angeles. Did you have any real-life experi­ences to draw on?

GALIFIANAKIS: I've traveled back and forth from New York to Cal­ifornia a few times. When I first moved out to California, I packed up a van with all three of my possessions-a globe, a mattress and a poster of Corbachev-and then, along with my friends Lisa and Bobby, drove the 2.700-plus-mile trip through the land of plenty, heading toward the land of milk and honey. I also used to hitchhike in college with a sign that read i don't have a cun. People really seemed to like the sign, and I got picked up often.

PLAYBOY: Your character in Due Date is a deluded, self-involved would-be actor. Is that pretty much the truth about most actors? GALIFIANAKIS: Not really. I mean, it's a business in which you

are the product, so self-involvement comes with the territory. There are so many deluded people in the acting world. It's like they're hoping a limo will pull up next to them at a corner, roll down its window and some silhouette of a voice will say. "Hop in, kid. You're perfect." That's the mentality of everybody, even all those piece-of-shit reality-show contestants.

PLAYBOY: You originally wanted to be an actor before deciding on

,,,— :„ ,*,-j ..„ , j.. i-,*-,j What changed your mind?

that satisfied me. I was always rolling my eyes in

of the gravity of most of the students. I met a person in a bar

who told me I should try stand-up. My first show was in the

back of a hamburger joint. As soon as I stepped off the stage,

I knew that would be my path. (continued on page 111)

GALIFIANAKIS

(continued jwm page 96)

Q4

PLAYBOY: Due Dale features a soon-to-be-infamous scene in which you and a pet dog named Sonny masturbate together. Does tilis count as your first official cinematic-sex scene?

galifianakiS: I would think so. Ib be honest, I am too much of a snob to think I would like to see that in a movie. I dislike any sex scene in movies. But this is a first for me, so I'm eager to see how people react. Is it high cinema? No. Would Lassie have done it? No. But the director, Todd Phillips, likes to push the envelope.

Q5

PLAYBOY: What about the old acting rule that you should never work with kids or animals because they'll upstage you? galifianakiS: I had many discussions with Sonny about this veiy subject. lie's a French bulldog, so his English is not that great, but we managed to strike a balance about the tone we wanted to pull off together.

QG

Pl.WBOY: You once claimed that you've got­ten more successful as you've gained weight.

Do you really think there's a connection? gai.ihanakiS: No, I was just trying to be clever. I miss being lighter. I want to get back to that. I can hardly text because of my fat fingers.

Q7

PIAYBOY: How many pounds do you have to pack on before you win an Oscar? galifianakiS: Me personally? Two.

Q8

PIAYBOY: Your beard has become part of your comic persona. What inspired you to grow it in the first place? gai.ihanakiS: I have a birthmark in the shape of a question mark. No, I'm just not that much of a groomer. I bathe often, but as far as mirror time...I just don't like the mir­ror. I try to cut the old lady oil'about once a year. People make such a big deal about my beard, and I find it so odd.

Q9

piayboY: Your stand-up persona has a very short temper. You've been known to berate your audience, attacking them for mild heckling or just not paying attention. Is that staged, or do you really have a short fuse? gai.H'IanakiS: I have a healthy disdain for people who are rude. I was brought up with manners, and if you are not respectful to those

around you, then you deserve to be embar­rassed in front of a thousand onlookers. I don't have a short fuse, but I think it's funny to get upset quickly, and I have the freedom to do that at my shows. But it has to be organic.

Q10

PI.WBOY: Until recently, you made frequent jokes about how unrecognizable you are. Now with a few hits under your belt, do you enjoy being recognized? gai.ifianakiS: I don't like it at all. I'm not good with it. The other day I was at this fancy Indian restaurant in Manhattan, and these kids were secretly taking my photo with their camera phones. I Hipped them off, and then they got really gun-shy and scared. I felt bad about that. I was just trying to be funny, but I ended up hurting their feelings. I went up to them and apologized.

Q11

playboy: Your last name is a mouthful. Growing up, did you have a mnemonic device to learn how to spell it? GALIIIANAKIS: Yes. On Sesame Street there was a song called "Ladybugs' Picnic" where they counted to 12. My last name has 12 letters, so my mom substituted the numbers for let­ters. And that is how we learned as kids.

Q12

PLAYBOY: You grew up in Wilkesboro, North Carolina, which has a population

of just a few thousand. Was it like growing up in Mayberry?

galifianakiS: Well, the gentleman who whis­tled the theme to TlieAridy (irijjitli Show came to my grade school. lie whistled for an hour. Just whistled away. He went to work with no tools, no briefcase, no uniform at all. He just needed his mouth. That's how he made a living, by whistling. I remember being in awe of him. He really did affect me.

Q13

PLAYBOY: You've had several unique and bizarre day jobs, from working as a busboy in a strip joint to being a nanny. If you ever retire from comedy, which of your former day jobs would you consider revisiting? gai.ihanakiS: I wasn't good at any of them. I despise strip clubs, and being a nanny is frustrating when the children can beat you up. I would like to be a train robber ii" this all goes away. Which it will.

Q14

playboy: You were also a waiter at a drag-queen restaurant. How do you look in a dress?

GALIFIANAKIS: I was the only guy not required to dress as a woman. The drag queens did not like me, though. I always thought the way they dressed was so hacky. I feel drag queens are often mocking women. I never thought I would say that last sentence in my life, but I finally did.

Q15

PLAYBOY: In comedy sketches, you some­times play an acting teacher named Tairy Greene who gives surreal and useless advice to his students. What's your best and worst career advice for aspiring comics? gai.ii-"IANAKIS: I'm awful at giving advice. I just told someone the other day they should invest in the Von Dutch trucker-hat company. Having said that, my best advice is just to get on stage as much as possible. And my worst advice is that you should listen to me.

Q1G

pi.wboY: The jockstrap you wore during one of the opening scenes in The Ilangoxier has become legendary. Any chance it'll end up on eBay someday?

GAI.IHANAKIS: EBay? You mean the Smith­sonian? You do not put works of historical magnitude such as that up for auction on eBay. No, I don't have the jockstrap any­more. I think I gave it to my great-aunt for Christinas.

Q17

pi.wboY: You wore a Baby Bjorn for much of The Ilangoxier, and ever since there's been a spike in sales for baby carriers. If you could inspire another cultural or consumer trend, what would it be? GAUHANAKIS: Ceiling fans for your car.

Q18

PLAYBOY: When you hosted Saturday Night lixie you mentioned in the monologue how much you hate Brooklyn hipsters. But you're kind of known as a hipster comic. Arc you filled with self-loathing? GAI.IHANAKIS: I'm not sure what a hipster is, but if I am one, then I know I don't like them. I always thought hipsters were the guys with tiny jeans, trust funds and thin bodies who make references to art galler­ies I've never heard of. I see them in my neighborhood and they are too cool. Try saying good morning to them. When some­one says good morning to me on the street, I love it.

Q19

playboy: During your stand-up sets you sometimes accompany yourself on piano. Is that your security blanket? GAl.li'lANAKlS: I think it became a security blanket for me, and then it became too lim­iting. I don't do it as much as I used to. I really don't know how to play the piano. I'm making it up as I go along.

Q20

playboy: You purportedly hate technol­ogy, especially phones, because you don't like being too easy to get in touch with. Aie you trying to become the f.D. Salin­ger of comedy?

galihanakiS: I'm on the phone all the time, it seems. But in North Carolina, where I'm from, occasionally there's no cell cover­age, and we don't have long distance at the house. It frees you. I will never have the courage to do it, but I really would like to get rid of my computer.