The year in Sex

RST BLUNDERS, KINKIEST SCANDALS, TTEST WOMEN AND WEIRDEST NEWS

IN PRAISE OF CELL PHONE CAMERAS

Which geek decided phones should have cameras-and can we buy him a beer? Hackers apparently stole nude shots from the phone of Heather Morris of Glee, which is not cool, so we refuse to look at them a fourth time. Olivia Munn of Magic Mike and Christina Hendricks of Mad Men were also exposed, though Hendricks will cop only to the shot of a woman pushing her boobs together and not to the headless nude. (Every denial sent amateur detectives scurrying to compare tattoos and skin "dents.") Alison Pill of The Newsroom accidentally tweeted a topless shot of herself, and by the time she realized her error—"Ugh. My tech issues have reached ¦^w heights"-she had 3,000 new followers per breast.

LINDSAY ROCKS Portraying her idol

Marilyn Monroe paid off for Lohan (and Hef): Our January/February issue with Lohan's tribute broke sales records. In The Canyons she co-stars with porn crossover actor James Deen and his large penis.

KINKY STUFF

E.L. James's kinky bond­age trilogy has inexplicably sold more than 40 million copies, leaving us tongue-tied. The lesson of the books' success: Figure out how to turn women on and you will be banking one shade of green.

4. GOP FAILS SEX ED Representative

Todd Akin, running for the U.S. Senate in Missouri, claimed the female body blocks rapists' sperm, preventing pregnancy. Vice-presidential candidate Paul Ryan called rape just another "method of conception." And Richard Mourdock, running for the U.S. Senate in Indiana, said a pregnancy resulting from rape is God's will. By the voters' will, all three were losers on November 6.

ROYAL BALLS Prince Harry's security muscle forgot to confiscate the phones of the ladies-in-waiting the spare heir had invited to his suite in Las Vegas. Then, as so often happens at royal events, Harry lost badly at strip billiards. The photos taken of his sister-in-law Kate were equally intimate but snapped from a different zip code. One Italian editor justified the inva­sion as a way to share "pictures of a modern contemporary duchess," as if Queen Victoria never did the full burn. Meanwhile, Katrina Darling, the cel­ebrated burlesque dancer and second cousin once removed to the future queen, posed happily for our photographer. As you can see, Katrina rules.

6. Pussy Riot The Moscow punks got jail time for an anti-Putin song—and The New York Times broke the pussy barrier when it printed the word on its

front page.

7. Green Lantern It's been 72 years. Now he's gay?

HARD TO SWALLOW

Right-wing busybodies protested the selection of Seth MacFarlane as Oscars host after his American Dad featured an SUV that runs on carbon, oxygen and potassium and is called the leCQJCGuzzler.

!>. Smoking Hot

A Madonna nude sold for $23,7ife

10. Yes!

"I'm available to work

with it anytime." -Charlize Theron on Michael Fassbender's penis _.^

12. Floaters

Police in

Turkey

and China

saved drowning sex doffs!

13. Jacke

A nude

woman brokv.

into Bam

Margera's

house to

masturbate.

14. PIRELLI CALENDAR

Mario Sorrenti got the call, and the result was 12 stunners, includ­ing Kate Moss.

15.

Tiffany

Six

Porn

star

and <

junior

high

teacher—

quite

the

resume!

16.

"Bump on the Beach."

-Daily Mail on the Damien Hirst art erected on the English coast ,

JENNY MCCARTHY

oddamn, is that I good-looking

A former

PLAYBOY

model hired

to assist at

a Mexican

debate split

the vote with

her dress.

.-¦ THINGS WE CAN'T UNSEE

I Octomom having her first orgasm while making a porn movie, Fred Willard getting busted at an adult theater (his next film is titled The Yank) and Hulk Hogan winning a nude wrestling match.

20. Trumped

Stephen Colbert offered^ the Donald $1 millic to tea-bag

2J Upenilec

For some rea­son this film poster caused a fuss.

22. Bum Deal Gisele bares all—in Vogue Paris.

PLACES WE GOT NEKKID

It's back to basics around the globe, with buttons and zippers falling away. Clothes * ___are so

THE 11TH ANNUAL NO PANTS SUBWAY RIDE, NEW YORK

In New York and 58 other cities, 4,000 riders removed their pants before boarding.

NAKED FOLK DANCING, SCOTLAND

Thirty-eight volunteers performed for photogra­pher Alistair Devine.

DIP IN THE NIP, IRELAND

Locals "dare to bare" to aid cancer-research charities.

WORLD NAKED BIKE RIDE DAY 2012, CAPE TOWN

Here and in 69 other cities riders pedaled in the buff as a protest against bad drivers and fossil-fuel dependence.

FOURTH ANNUAL NAKED SLEDDING RACE, GERMANY

For safety, lugers (30 last year) were required to wear helmets, shoes and underwear.

NATIONAL GO TOPLESS DAY, MIAMI

Women in 40 cities demanded freedom for their boobs.

10 years

24. Entwined Yarn erotica at Benetton in New York City had folks in knots.

SECRET SERVICES Agents protecting the president during a trip to Colombia drew heat for their revelries with local party girls, part of a "secret circus" atmosphere within the agency during foreign travel.

26. Familiar Sight

These before-seen nudes were "lost" only between the time they appeared in playboy and when Vanity Fair found them.

CLAIRE SINCLAIR

The 2011 PMOY

stars in a new

production at the

Stratosphere in

Las Vegas.

28. Polidicks

Note to self: fury, women scorned, etc.

29. Pom Flavors

You've gone too far, said Ben & Jerry & lawyer.

:«©.

Naked Again

Lena

Dunham

>of Girls

camped

it up at the Emmys.

GLOBAL SEX REPORT Bar Love Joule opened in Tokyo, featuring an array of vibrators and bartenders to explain their merits. (Only women and couples are admitted.) In northern Italy, a small-town bar owner became a celebrity after she began to wear revealing clothes—causing wives to for­bid their husbands from stopping in for a drink. In Vietnam, authorities fined VietJet Air $960 for staging a three-minute bikini fashion show in the aisle during its first flight to a beach resort. The bureaucrats said the airline should have "registered" the show-and held a few seats!

SPORTING SEX

A website offered $1 million to any woman who can prove she has slept with Tim Tebow; hurdler Lolo Jones. 30, said she too remains a virgin; soc­cer star Hope Solo said she witnessed "lots of sex" in the Olympic Village.

rovs

\ robber in 3razil stole i $4,000 jold vibra-:or but orgot the :harger; in he U.S., the jink Carrie 3 retails for 510,000. „,,

I CAN STILL

PUT FIVE

BULLETS IN

A LITTLE RED

CIRCLE."

—DR. RUTH, REVEAL­ING SHE WAS TRAINED AS AN ISRAELI SNIPER

.'{.I. Sex to Die For ^

Ke$ha said she fucked a ghost.

uma In

t

the frican rent,

'.17. Double Di

German newspap Perth's largest

oobs found inj

Russia.