Frank Miller

WE'VE CRUNCHED THE NUMBERS AND TALLIED THE EMPTIES. HERE ARE THET0P10C0LLEGES FOR GETTING AN ADVANCED DEGREE lencan tradillUIIUI hitting the books and the bars equally hard has evolved in re­cent years. Yes, an institution worthy of inclusion on our an­nual list of top party schools still needs to offer numerous and frequent op­portunities for col­lective debauchery. But these days col­leges have been offering more cre­ative approaches to partying, along with world-class nightlife and musical events that make the com­petition even fiercer. Here's this year's best of the best, as well as a look at schools that are expanding the defini­tion of what consti­tutes a good time. 1 UNIVERSITY OF PENNSYLVANIA High IQ meets high ABV • Smarties can party too, and UPenn puts other Ivies to shame with its union of brains, brewskies and bros. Boasting a notori­ous underground frat scene that school officials have deemed a nuisance, these renegades pony up thousands of dol- lars' worth of liquor for their parties— and competition among the houses means a balls-out war of debauch­ery. Aboveground, casual sex is ram­pant, as coeds value careers over coupling. Philly's boisterous bar scene keeps off-campus-carousing options numerous. School-sponsored day drinking hits a high note during Spring Fling, an outdoor music fest that pulls in acts such as Passion Pit, Tyga and Janelle Monae and turns the Quad into a sloshed mosh pit. 2 UNIVERSITY OF WISCONSIN Go bold in the cold • At the axis of beer, cheese and snow sits Madison, where nightlife options are limited only by your ability to drink away the freeze. There's a tailgating scene that puts Texas to shame, along with scores of bars near State Street, dozens of house and frat parties and a worthy roster of drunchies. Plus, the nationally renowned citywide celebrations for Halloween and the springtime Mifflin Street Block Party make Ibiza look like Club Med in comparison. CLASS ACTION We scoured this year's course catalogs in search of an academic approach to party­ing. Ready to hit the books for a lesson in revelry? Here are our picks for a fantasy class schedule. 9 A.M. INTRODUCTION TO WINES, BEERS AND SPIRITS Oregon State L'niivrsiti • Get your bachelor's degree in brewing beer, and impress your friends with your craft brews at the next rager. An on-campus brew house makes it safer to repeatedly sample your product for quality control. 11 A.M. THE CLUB DJ Columbia College Chicago • Tired of listening to your buddy's Spotify playlist every weekend? This course teaches you how to master the turntables. Require­ments include three hours of practice out­side class. Translation: Throwing parties is now homework. 3 P.M. THE SOCIOLOGY OF MILEY CYRUS: RACE, CLASS, GENDER AND MEDIA Skidmore College • Spend a semester delving into the life and times of America's top party girl, Miley Cyrus. Topics include twerking and tongue darting, with a lesson on how to "Party in the USA." 3 WEST VIRGINIA UNIVERSITY Institute for the collegiately insane • Most schools cel­ebrate football vic­tories by drinking. Mountaineers do it by drinking and burning couches. WVU has a reputa­tion for raging at the highest level. Morgantown has perfected a bal­ance of Greek, bar and house-party scenes, and West Virginia's irrational love of football is the catalyst for chaos. To wit: A 2003 headline reads bedlam at wvu REMAINS A CAMPUS sore spot. Tradition is a beautiful thing. 4 UNIVERSITY OF ARIZONA School of the wet and wild • Zona students arc ex­perts in that wonderful combination of hvdration inebriation and sarto­rial minimalism other­wise known as the pool party. The king of them all is the annual Sigma Alpha F.psilon Jungle Party, which features a 65,000-gallon pool, a faux waterfall and a massive tree house. But you need not go Greek to go hard: Tucson's Kourth Street bar scene teems with partying Wildcats whose hangovers can be mitigated with some of the best Mexican food in the country. VASSAR: COOLEST INDIE MUSIC SCENE This upstate New York college has long provided its students with a music program of which even the toughest Pitchfork critic would approve. Hipster favorites MS MR, Beach House and Genghis Tron all first saw the light of day on Vassar's campus. The small town of Poughkeepsie doesn't offer much in terms of entertainment, so parties remain small-scale and close to campus. But for the restless, a 90-minute train ride will get you to New York, where even more music awaits. 5 UNIVERSITY OF IOWA Raising the bar • Hawkeyes' com­mitment to partying is evident in their willingness to brave inhumane circum­stances: shatter-ingly cold winters, then sweltering hu­midity come warm weather. Iowa City's nightlife scene remains a balmy onstant, though, with most bars and clubs allowing entry to students over the age of 19. Regular spots include the Mill, the Summit and Sports Column, but after 10 p.m. house par­ties on the prairie are the place to be for committed Midwestern party hounds. UNIVERSITY OF CALIFORNIA SANTA CRUZ Institute of higher learning • Long before other states adopted a lenient attitude to­ward THC, UC Santa Cruz was a premier nature-loving pot-head's paradise. You're deep in the redwoods and within biking distance of the Pacific Ocean, and the campus is an idyllic place to smoke the day or night away. We're declaring the school's April 20 smoke-out America's best: At last year's event, cops seized a four-foot-long, two-and-a-half-pound joint worth more than $5,000. 7 UNIVERSITY OF MIAMI Vice City's university of vice • With Magic City in its backyard, the Uni­versity of Miami has more bikinis, EDM and free-flowing te­quila than Cabo dur­ing spring break. The coastal campus pro­vides ready access to Ultra Music Festi- val and Miami Music Week, which makes all-night raving and pool parties just an­other part of the cur­riculum. When not shuffling to thump­ing beats, Hurricanes skip class and saddle up to happy hour at on-campus bar the Rat before busing up to South Beach and Brickell, where fake IDs give access to some of the best nightlife and DJs in the country. Pro tip: Hook up with the wealthier kids so you can party on their parents' yachts in the bay. 8 COLORADO STATE UNIVERSITY Get housed • The many bars that line College Avenue in Fort Collins's Old Town oiler the standard raucous diversions, but Fort Fun's legendary house parties are where CSU really distinguishes itself. These fests can encompass whole blocks, and more than a few have blown up into SW'AT-required riots. Since Colorado turned green last year, Rams have been enjoying the Rocky Mountain highs alongside FoCo's can't-beat-'em vistas. OBERLIN: SEXIEST SMALL SCHOOL College orientation and sexual orientation collide at this famously progressive campus. New students are handed sex kits (contents: condoms, lube, mints) instead of rubrics. Sex ed is an all-out celebration, not a class. At the annual Safer Sex Night party, scantily clad Obies pack into the Sco bar in the student union to let loose their desires while raising sexual awareness. Kids take their clothes off, stock up on free condoms, watch porn and take home sex toys. It's educational. And we're all for this kind of carnal knowledge. 9 UNIVERSITYOFTEXAS The longhorniest school • As if Longhorns didn't already have practically every­thing they need on their sprawling, well-situated campus, the city of Austin also hosts about five music festi­vals per capita every year. If SXSW party crashing or open-air revelry at Austin City Limits in Zilker Park won't do, Sixth Street is a standby for sousing. The quin­tessential spot is the Aquarium, where dancing on the bar is encouraged. For a more civilized drinking experience, students can save up their beer money and splurge at one of the city's many mixology bars. SYRACUSE UNIVERSITY Orange is the new booze • Syracuse kids bleed orange as much as they bleed booze and are shameless in their exploits. Sex in the library? Recom­mended. Braving the hedonism of MayFest, the annual spring marathon of music and drinking? Advisable. Zedd, 2 Chainz and Kesha have performed here. Off-campus students let loose in the streets among tolerant cops and rally at Castle Court, a parking lot flanked by apartments that is a mecca for tail-gating and general debauchery. And with a respectable football team in the Atlantic Coast Conference, drinking beer for breakfast on Saturday is com­mon practice.