The PLAYBOY PHILOSOPHY

The PLAYBOY PHILOSOPHY

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Installment IV: Masculinity and Manhood

Since the dawn of human consciousness we’ve explored what it means to be men much more than we’ve permitted our counterparts to explore what it means to be women. Historically in America, whether a woman was setting her sights on an executive role or simply had a desire to own her sexuality, she has been set up to fail based on a simple truth: Critics, both male and female, have a tendency to come out of the woodwork whenever women try to steer their own destiny.

Although times have undoubtedly changed over the past century, this fight continues today, with feminists and female influencers breaking barriers and continuing to define what it means to be a woman. Betty Friedan, Gloria Steinem and other leaders who guided the second-wave feminist movement seem more relevant now than ever before. Writers like Roxane Gay and political figures like Kamala Harris and Elizabeth Warren are just a few who are picking up the baton and continuing to fight for liberation and an equal playing field.

As women continue to define their personhood and drive their evolution, quiet and often

unspoken murmurs from the other side plague the minds of men. At some point, our evolution as men, or at least the conversation and constructive debate around it, faltered. And so a few questions arise, ones without simple answers: What does it mean to be a man in America today? How does one healthily own his masculinity?

Polarizing figures have had a tendency to dictate how men view themselves. Throughout the second half of the 20th and early part of the 21st century, my father played a key role in this exploration. Today, we have new characters defining manhood, one of whom claims to “grab ’em by the pussy” and boasts that he can get away with it because of his celebrity. This individual is now the leader of the free world. When I think about past remarks, I find myself saddened to recall the reflections of a former U.S. president: “Nearly all men can stand adversity, but if you want to test a man’s character, give him power.” Abraham Lincoln’s words not only suggest a method that provides a compass for good morals; they also outline the defining characteristics that

make a good man. They stand true more than 150 years after his passing.

Today, men like Dan Bilzerian garner tens of millions of followers on social-media platforms by projecting a masculine lifestyle whose material excesses seem gratifying on the outside. While the overindulgence is fascinating for millions to watch, what really intrigues most of the boys and men following Bilzerian comes from a desire to answer the same questions: What does it mean to be a man in America today, and how does one healthily own his masculinity?

In some ways, Bilzerian’s life mirrors that of my father—a man who chose to walk a particular path in the late 1990s and early 2000s, portraying certain qualities of manhood that Bilzerian and others follow without delving deeper. It is crucial to keep going, to explore how men define masculinity and how those definitions, and those people we’ve anointed as their representatives, define us.

Today, masculinity is often connected to violence, a quality I don’t believe most men truly want to promote. Many men love to romanticize violence, yet very few if any actually enjoy its extremes. Sexuality also defines masculinity, but sexuality has always been labeled either healthy or deviant, depending on how its various forms were viewed by society at a given point in history. Sexuality should be presented in a way that promotes a level of respect for one’s self and one’s partners, while also accepting men who choose to live outside conventional boundaries that define gender roles. The world around us often says a gay man isn’t “manly.” This belief, which continues to plague American culture, has to do with our dated interpretation of masculinity. For those who fall on the extreme conservative side of the social-policy spectrum: Remind yourself that acceptance is not the same as encouragement.

We are long overdue for an era in which men give themselves the same permission to evolve manhood as women have given themselves to redefine womanhood. Failing to do so will allow the pussy grabbers to continue telling the country what it means to be aman—something none of us should be comfortable with as we continue walking toward our future.