SOMETIMES I feel like we’re really making progress toward equality. Then I remember there are dogs on Instagram that make more money than most black people.—Edgar Momplaisir
TWO women walk into a bar. One of them sits down and immediately apologizes to the other:
“Were you going to sit here?”
“No, I’m sorry, no!” says the other. “I want to stand.”
The first apologizes for being in her way. The second apologizes for being so flustered. This continues into infinity or until one of them gets elected president in 2044.—Tawny Newsome
THERE’S no better sign that we need equal representation than my getting called Kumar in YouTube comments. Guys, that movie came out in 2004. If you’re going to be racist, at least be topical.—Rekha Shankar
I didn’t want to believe gentrification could happen to me, but the guy next door screams our neighborhood’s walkability score every time he orgasms.—Brittani Nichols A standout float in the Straight Pride Parade is the one with a bunch of guys lounging around, each one forcing his girlfriend to watch Bloodsport while she texts another dude.—T.N.
WHEN black people talk about supporting black-led films, someone always complains, “Oh, but it would be racist if I went and supported white-led films!” That wouldn’t be racist, just expensive and time-consuming.—Demi Adejuyigbe
I didn’t have a pen, so I signed a check with eyeliner from the bottom of my bag. That’s 11th-wave radical feminism.—Ayo Edebiri
THE worst thing you can call a black person is the N word, but the worst thing you can call a white person is “cracker,” which is a delicious salty treat you serve with a variety of cheeses at parties. I think that says all you need to know about equality in this country.—B.N.
I wish I had the confidence of a ginger telling me, “We too have faced oppression for our appearance.”—R.S.
THE school-to-prison pipeline is so bad that when The Shawshank Redemption’s Andy Dufresne escaped, he ended up back in the eighth grade.—Carl Tart
IT’S not fair when someone says white people have always had it easy. Imagine how tough it was for them to talk about music the year that “Niggas in Paris” was big.—D.A.
IF a woman accepts a promotion, she is legally required to renounce the formal job title and instead be called a badass.—R.S.
WHICH is worse, being African American in Hollywood and getting mistaken for someone in Black Panther or getting no calls even to do background work in Black Panther?—D.A.
HOW do you know when a relationship is serious? When the woman takes you home to meet her vibrator.—A.E.
MEN should have as much control over women’s bodies as desire to see the Cats movie: none.—Lou Wilson
