Be warned: Twitch streamer and Playboy creator Kayceeedilla plays to win. If she sees you in her sights on Apex Legends, it’s unlikely you’ll survive the round. Kayceeedilla sat down with us to discuss the challenges she faced growing up, and why video games will always be a source of peace for her.
Playboy: To start us off, where were you born?
Kayceeedilla: I was born and raised in San Diego, California. So, I am a California native through and through. I am a first generation immigrant daughter of Filipino parents. Both of my parents came from the Philippines and went on their own different journeys. So, I grew up in a very strict household, and was kind of more of like, a maternal figure for my younger siblings. Being the eldest daughter, I kind of took on, like a parental role very early on in life. I feel like that’s where I got a big sense of independence.
Playboy: Did you enjoy school growing up?
Kayceeedilla: I guess I have a love hate relationship with school. I feel like I was pretty into learning. I was an honor roll student in high school, and then I went on to pursue going to a state school after. And I kind of lost my touch with school as I got into more of, like, the collegiate level of learning. I think there was a lot of pressure on me being an honor roll student and keeping up with those kinds of standards. I think when I started going further into my education, it was kind of hard for me to pinpoint what it is that interested me anymore. And I kind of went more of a unconventional routes after college ended up not working out for me in the end.
Playboy: What was the first thing you dreamed of achieving?
Kayceeedilla: When I was younger, I kind of felt like I was pressured into a certain field. And I feel like my dreams and aspirations were never my own until I became an adult. When I was younger, I feel like that picture was kind of painted for me by my parents. They wanted me to be in the medical field, a nurse, doctor, physician—something like that. And that’s also why college didn’t work out for me. I had selected a major early on and thought that this was the path that I admired, and it was the path that I was painting for myself.
When I was younger, I kind of used video games as a shelter from a lot of the pressures that I was facing. The way that my dreams and aspirations were being kind of made for me. And then I kind of fell in love with that idea again, later on in life, I kind of fell into the love for video games again as I became an adult. I found a little more free time for myself, and then found a new dream.
I ended up finding Twitch as a platform, falling in love with it like, instantly, and then kind of formed my own path from there. Now my dream is just to continue growing as a streamer and a content creator, and, you know, try to continue to touch the hearts of many like…it’s so funny. I’m a little older, so when I was growing up, it was a very typical thing for parents to say to their kids, like, “You can’t get a job playing video games.” And I think it’s funny that now you can, absolutely.
Playboy: What video game makes you deeply happy?
Kayceeedilla: My favorite video game of all time that I feel like I relate to…Kingdom Hearts. I love that series. The Kingdom Hearts series is so beautifully done, and it’s just so nostalgic. I remember around the time when I first started playing it…I think I was only seven or eight years old at the time, and it was just my escape from reality to be able to go into this virtual world.
I feel like the the main character, Sora, is just very relatable. And on top of that, there’s a lot of little Disney aspects that I already found a lot of resonance in as a child as well.
Playboy: Is there a movie that makes you feel similarly?
Kayceeedilla: One of my favorite movies ever is Spirited Away, a Studio Ghibli film. I really related to Chihiro as a main character, in the sense of, finding oneself. Being under a lot of pressure from your family and your parents and who you’re expected to be. And seeing the character development and the growth of this main character to go from this unsure, very naive, little girl, into a more sure version of herself. This independent, flourishing person that used hard work and resilience to get where she needed to go. Seeing like that character involved and that transformation is very inspiring to me as well.
Playboy: For sure, it’s a perfect movie.
Kayceeedilla: It really is!
Playboy: And is there a book that makes you deeply happy?
Kayceeedilla: It’s called “Crying in H Mart.” It’s another first generation immigrant story, something that I definitely relate to. I just love finding things that I resonate with, when it comes to books, movies, video games…just finding memoir type stories that I relate to.
This one more specifically about finding yourself in a lot of different ways. I feel like I kind of struggle with this imposter syndrome sometimes where, you know, I’m Filipino, but I’m also American. It’s kind of hard to find that identity sometimes. Finding a book or a memoir vocalizing the struggles that I had to deal with as like a Filipino American…it was very settling for me.
Playboy: What are you most passionate about?
Kayceeedilla: I find passion in a lot of different things right now. Something that I prioritize is probably video games. I know that sounds like kind of far fetched, but I find a sense of nostalgia when I play video games—even recent ones.
Playboy: Speaking of video games, you play Apex Legends quite a bit on your Twitch Channel. Aren’t you high ranking?
Kayceeedilla: Yeah, I’m in the the higher tier levels of of the game right now. I’ve been playing since it first released…about four years now. It just has me hooked. I just love the battle royale aspect. It’s what makes it so addicting. It’s like the same game, over and over again, with the same kind of characters that you play. But the outcome every single game is different.
Playboy: What’s one setback you believe women uniquely face? And how do you fight against it?
Kayceeedilla: My goodness. I feel like the misogyny and the..that’s just something that I grew up with and something that I have…you know, not necessarily come to terms with, but something that I’m used to seeing. I had one brother growing up…and seeing the way that he was raised compared to how I was raised…it was very, very obvious, and difficult. Seeing the different advantages that men have over women.
And then being in the military for as long as I have, I was able to see [the misogyny] clearly as well. And it’s something that I had learned to deal with. It’s no different in the video game world, in the content creator world. As a Twitch streamer, you see the unfair mistreatment and disadvantages women face.
I deal with it by still holding myself to a certain standard, not taking, not allowing any sort of the mistreatment or disrespect in the space that I’ve created. Putting my foot down and being vocal about, the different ways that [women] are mistreated. And not letting even like the littlest jokes with like a tinge of like misogyny in them…I won’t let that slide either. Having zero tolerance for mistreatment or unequal treatment towards women…it’s something I’m very vocal about. That’s what the “banned” button is for!
Playboy: What turns you on/off?
Kayceeedilla: One of the things that turns me on personally is someone that’s really good at video games. I am such a competitive gamer. I hate to admit it. I try to say that I’m a casual player, but then, the competitive side of me kicks it up a little bit. So someone that’s really good at video games or is better than me at video games…it’s almost like, a turn on for me.
Playboy: Describe your perfect day.
Kayceeedilla: I think a perfect day for me would be starting the day by sleeping in waking up at my own leisure, making myself a little breakfast, making myself a matcha, some avocado toast, and then turning on my PC and playing video games all day. I know that sounds boring but I feel like I’m more of an introvert nowadays, now that I’ve gotten a little bit older. Playing video games has just been my whole world, something that I find peace in.
Playboy: I mean, it’s such a big part of your career.
Kayceeedilla: I’m definitely lucky to be able to have found a career that also is a passion of mine. I feel like that’s very rare.
Playboy: Who was the first fictional character you fell in love with?
Kayceeedilla: Oh, that would probably be Sora. Or Cloud from Final Fantasy VII…oh my God! Something about…pretty fictional characters. Like, handsome, but also, pretty…that nice balance is my ideal fictional character.
Playboy: What’s your superpower?
Kayceeedilla: My charm. I think as I’ve gotten older, I have—not perfected—but I’ve gotten super comfortable with being able to turn on my charm, turn off and on my charm. It’s a double-edged sword, in a sense, where I can turn it on when I need to turn it on, but also it drains my social battery quite a bit. So I have to be a little bit more conscious about it.
Playboy: Can you touch on your adoration of K-Pop?
Kayceeedilla: I am super obsessed with the girl groups. I don’t listen to too many of the guy groups, yeah. But I love both. Right now, I’ve been super obsessed with the newer groups that have recently debuted. Kiss of Life, NewJeans…oh my gosh! NewJeans is so good. Gosh, I love BTS also. They’re like, the one guy group that I love and keep up with too.
Kayceeedilla is on The Playboy Club. Talk to her now.
