Elvis Costello once sang “How many times can you jump out of a cupboard, before someone gets suspicious, or someone gets discovered?” I don’t know why I didn’t heed his advice before I tuned in to the only Vice Presidential Debate of the 2024 season. Here are a few VP debate takeaways from one of the most grim debates I’ve ever seen.
VP Debate Takeaways
Is there anything that can be gleaned from last night’s horrendous debate? You know, other than the looming darkness on the horizon that will swallow us whole? Yeah, I guess. If you’re looking for bombshells, you won’t find them here. However, I made a few observations inbetween bouts of boredom and rage.
1. Both Candidates Were Neutered
I don’t want to use loaded language here, but I don’t think there’s any other way to describe the performance Governor Tim Walz and Senator J.D. Vance put on last night. From the get go, everything felt off. Each candidate was likely fresh off the machine that turns principled ideologues and presses them into beltway zombies. Walz was stripped of all his midwest charm, and Vance didn’t mention the words “womb” or “immigrant hordes” once. Neither candidate went on the attack, and the previous strategy of calling Republicans “weird” has likely been stripped from the Democratic Playbook.
Probably because it’s effective! Like an apple-polisher reminding the teacher she forgot to assign homework, the Democratic Party would rather play “fair” than actually win. The post-debate spin rooms all lauded the VP debate for being “civil.” Which is always a calling card of some serious evil. The last thing you want is two powerful factions agreeing with one another.
2. The Moderators Were Awful
For a second in the first debate, I thought that things were going to be okay. Moderators are finally fact checking lies in real time. What a time to be alive! From the get go, I knew this debate would be a stark contrast. It all has to do with the framing of the questions. I’m going to copy the first question word for word so you can really soak in the psychosis.
“Governor Walz, if you are the final voice in the situation room, would you support or oppose a preemptive strike by Israel on Iran?” asked CBS News moderator Margaret Brennan. “You have two minutes.”
That’s right: two minutes. Governor Walz, can you explain in two minutes how you’d start World War III? Luckily, the answers both candidates gave were non-answers, to which I will actually applaud. The moderators did occasionally moderate.
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At one point, Vance even complained that he was told he wouldn’t be fact-checked. It was a juicy little morsel, and perhaps the night’s only standout moment. Later in the debate, Vance mentioned that the housing crisis in America is due to the fact that undocumented citizens are buying up all the real-estate.
He’s got a point! I remember during house shopping a couple years back, going to open houses, and falling in love with various houses for sale. Then, it would happen. Just as we are about to exchange information with realtors, a woman in a serape walks in. I can’t tell you how many times I uttered the phrase, “Is that a serape? FUCK!” We knew we didn’t have the cash to compete with these people. I certainly don’t have their work ethic.
Of course, like most of what Vance said in the VP debate last night, the previous little chestnut is 100% fake. Vance’s rhetoric is as stupid and as evil as the “they’re eating the dogs” line, but because it’s a lie about undocumented citizens, it went unchecked. Real bang up job, CBS News, thanks for nothing!
3. Bored, I’m So Fucking Bored!
Nothing happened! The last two debates this campaign season sort of ruined me. One debate had a guy actively sundowning. That same guy is currently in charge of “trying” to get a ceasefire deal for the current Israel Palestine conflict. Which is something we’re told is actually happening. I don’t see Biden working out a peace deal, it’s difficult to fathom him drawing a clock in his current headspace.
The second debate had some of uncut crazy on display, with President Donald Trump seemingly taking Biden’s place as the Presidential campaign’s signature dotard. “They’re eating the dogs, they’re eating the cats” will likely get its own page in future history textbooks. The election, from that point, was looking like a layup. Now? Who knows.
The way that both candidates gave answers like they both just popped an Ativan, and even agreeing to some pretty heinous shit, 2016 popped back into my head. There were signs of an impending upset in October that year. The number one VP debate takeaway, to me, is that the Harris/Walz campaign seems to be following the same losing strategy that lost Hilary Clinton the White House.
However grim the outcome of this stupid election is, there’s almost two hours I’ll never get back.
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