I have a Tim Duncan beard.
Right about now, you’re probably like, What the f*** is a Tim Duncan beard? And that’s an eminently fair question.
Duncan, an NBA Hall of Famer, wasn’t just a rebounding genius; he was also a precision facial hair sculptor, carving his decorative cheek-and-chin fuzz into a creative beard/soul patch combo platter that was as subtle and slick as his on-court play. Tim’s pre-retirement beard was a work of art, so I stole the look—and I haven’t given it back since.
I’ve rocked my Duncan for a decade, and I’m here to tell you that keeping it properly shaped is a colossal pain in the ass: It requires a high-end trimmer, a razor, a hand mirror, a sinkful of piping hot water, the perfect moisturizer, and 38 minutes of trim time.
I do three of these grooming sessions a week, so if you run the numbers, you’ll glean that my pre-Duncan life offered me an extra eight-ish hours a month. That’s a goodly chunk of time, but I’m 100% happy to incorporate these shaving parties into my weekly routine, as my post-Duncan life offers me infinite handsomeness. (Okay, infinite handsomeness might be a bit much. Let’s be more realistic and roll with periodic handsomeness.)
The Duncan works for me, but it might not suit your cheeks. Fortunately, there are plenty of celeb-types whose face fiber you can and should emulate. Here, in no particular order, are five:
Ryan Gosling
Everything about the man who will now and forever be known as Just Ken is perfect—the winning smile, the 12-pack abs, the undeniable acting chops, and, of course, the infinite handsomeness that I can’t pull off—so it’s little wonder that when Gosling sprouts facial hair, it’s flawless. He somehow always manages to find the sweet spot between stubble and full growth, something that few, if any of us are able to pull off on a consistent basis. Granted, Ryan probably has a beard tech on call, but still. (See also: Bradley Cooper and Zach Efron.)
Drake
The rapper’s jet-black full beard is so perfect that it looks as if it was painted on—and whoever did the painting is the da Vinci of human whiskers. I shudder to think about how much time Drizzy and his beard tech spend on facial patrol. (See also: Ryan Reynolds and Zayn Malik)
Idris Elba
Generally speaking, I dig the whole salt-and-pepper thing, and that visible sign of maturity played a large role in my decision to join Team Beard. Elba, arguably Britain’s hottest man, leans into his old dude vibe, owning his aging hair with grace, aplomb, and, um, British hotness. (See also: Brad Pitt and Taika Waititi.)
Jason Momoa
The man who many feel is history’s finest Aquaman sports some of the most gloriously messy chin shrubbery in the history of gloriously messy chin shrubbery. Not all of us have the, um, er, oh, let’s say testicular fortitude to sprout anything that epic – but if you dream of landing a role in a DC film project, it’s certainly worth a shot. (See also: Castaway-era Tom Hanks and Hagrid.)
Keanu Reeves
Beard-wise, Dogstar’s bassist is a chameleon. Sometimes he rocks an unkempt scraggle that shines the spotlight on his Elba-esque salt-and-pepper-ness. Sometimes he keeps it tight, Gosling style. And sometimes he just goes straight John Wick, which looks suspiciously like my Duncan. Is Keanu biting my look? Methinks yes, and who could blame him. (See also: Me.)
More Movember:
5 Face Care Products For a Marvelous Movember
Don’t Look Like a Barbarian: How to Care For Your Face
5 Tips For Growing a Killer Mustache