20 Questions: John Matuszak

When John "The Tooz" Matuszak isn't playing defensive end for the Super Bowl champion Oakland Raiders, he's playing larger-than-life characters in movies such as "Caveman" and "North Dallas Forty." Free-lance writer Craig Modderno met with The Tooz over dinner in Beverly Hills. His report: "A lot of people cower in the presence of the self-proclaimed enforcer of football's renegade Raiders. At 6'8" and 280 pounds, Matuszak is, after all, physically imposing. But he also is intelligent, charming, funny, tough and moody--often within the space of a single sentence. If the Russians ever invade America, I hope they meet up with Matuszak first."

1.

[Q] Playboy: What do you suppose the public makes of you?

[A] Matuszak: That's a tough question. I have gone over that in my mind once or twice. I think the public thinks I'm a wild brawler, a guy who doesn't put up with any shit at all. I'm also a guy who cares very much about my public--the Oakland Raiders' fans--and they know I do. For me, to show the fans that I love them is pure delight. The general public thinks I'm a little off the wall. But I can only be myself and avoid mistakes. Most of my mistakes, unfortunately, have been brought to the public's attention through the media.

2.

[Q] Playboy: Why have the media singled you out?

[A] Matuszak:? I'm a good-looking guy. I keep my nose clean. [He covers one nostril and sniffs loudly] You know what I mean? I do enjoy the attention I get. I very much like being center stage. I enjoyed the Super Bowl and the craziness that happened to me there. Last year, I went out one night four nights before the game and got fined $1000. The next day, Philadelphia's coach said, "If he was on my team, I'd send him back to Philadelphia!" I didn't realize that a $1000 fine would be worth so much publicity. It just goes to prove that The Tooz is big news.

3.

[Q] Playboy: Let's set the record straight. Are you an inherently wild and crazy guy or just an all-American boy gone bad?

[A] Matuszak: [Laughs] The all-American part is right. The gone-bad part has happened on occasion. But every time it's gone bad, it's been a great time. Except when they slammed the jail door shut. That part I wish to avoid in the future. I never even want to see another jail as long as I live. The last time I went to jail, I was just on my way to a fun party. You know the green traffic lights? The ones that say, "Go straight ahead." We're talking traffic lights here, not green lights from spaceships. And there's a little light that gives you a little green arrow that means you can go left. The only thing that irritates me is when that green arrow turns off and it's red while the light for going ahead is still green. I pay too much in taxes not to have the lights work properly. I took a left and, much to my dismay, I was pounced on by the police. The point is, the cops made me miss a good party.

4.

[Q] Playboy: Do most people think you're bigger than you really are?

[A] Matuszak: You could open a whole can of worms right here. Usually, I surprise people with my size. I've never been underestimated. Mom, forgive me for what I have done, but I cannot tell a lie. I've failed only twice with women. And then my excuse was I worked too hard that day. I couldn't get it up just twice in 30 years. That ain't bad.

5.

[Q] Playboy: Do liberated women have a place in your life?

[A] Matuszak: I think those are the only kind of women I can deal with. I do like the old-fashioned mixed with the liberated. I like to touch women and be romantic, which is old-fashioned. I'm also for a woman's getting out of the house. Whenever my mom got out of the house, she became much more outgoing. She could see people and talk more. Everyone says a woman's place is in the home, which it is, but it's also a man's place. You've both got to get out and do things, see people and have fun. Having fun doesn't necessarily mean messing around. If you're living with someone, it means respecting her and giving them room to be herself. If a woman loves me and means it, then I wouldn't mind her doing anything. But if she loves me, then she snubs me, I tell her to go kiss my ass. Why hang around?

6.

[Q] Playboy: Are you a jealous person?

[A] Matuszak: No. I have fought being that. I remember feeling that green monster inside me when I was in high school. It almost destroyed the relationships I had in my early years in college. Now I've gone the other way. I've shut myself off from being jealous. I was kind of married for three years, but I won't talk about that. It would be difficult for me to allow myself to get close to another person like that again. Romance to me is caring a lot about somebody and making each other feel comfortable. It's respecting each other and knowing how to give good head.

7.

[Q] Playboy: How hard do you concentrate on intimidating your opponents?

[A] Matuszak: I don't concentrate on intimidating them so much as I concentrate on kicking their ass. The fact that my opponents know I'm an ass kicker makes them try a little harder against me. I don't get down on the line and say, "All right, you dirty muthafucker. Your mother wears combat boots." Who needs to hear that shit in a game? When I'm down on the line, it's concentration time. My opponents don't talk to me during a game, either. They know better. And if they don't or they're rookies, I teach them fast. You don't make an angry man angrier.

8.

[Q] Playboy: What intimidates you?

[A] Matuszak: Being in a deep sleep and having someone come into the room and wake me up rudely. That scares the hell out of me. Women sometimes intimidate me. If I see a woman I like, I get shy right away. Yes, the big guy gets shy. I try to overcome my shyness and intimidation by just being honest. I don't have a game plan for seducing a woman. Every woman, like every game plan, has to be approached differently. My game plan with women is like the Raiders' game plan. In order to keep being successful, we don't give our strategy away. Nobody intimidates the Raiders!

9.

[Q] Playboy: Not even Pete Rozelle, the National Football League commissioner?

[A] Matuszak: [Grins] Pete's been real sweet to me. He (continued on page 257)John Matuszak(continued from page 177) always has a real nice smile whenever he sees me. I have nothing bad to say about him. I don't give a fuck what he does as long as he doesn't fuck with me. I think Al Davis, the Raiders' owner, would make a better commissioner. What's Pete Rozelle ever gonna tell Al Davis?

10.

[Q] Playboy: You had been cut by three other teams when Davis asked you to join the Raiders. How does he turn N.F.L. rejects into winners?

[A] Matuszak: The Raiders love the image of being the bad boys of pro football. That makes us play even harder. Gene Upshaw, our captain, said if coach Tom Flores sent everyone home who had made a mistake, he'd be the only one standing on the side lines. Al Davis is a genius. You don't question genius. You can only look at it and try to learn from it. To me, Al is the closest I've seen to a mature James Dean. He's a rebel with a cause. Al's got something to say to the American public. I don't know for sure what it is. He's very intense, intelligent and private. Al's good with the players, and we give him everything we've got. If you give him one thing less, you won't be there. Another reason the Raiders are champions is we have the best-looking team in the league. Most of the other teams are too ugly for me to even talk about.

11.

[Q] Playboy: Do you like Gatorade?

[A] Matuszak: Yes, on ice. But only the grape and orange flavors. I don't like lime or cherry. Whenever our trainer mixes that in there, I get so pissed off I chase his ass all around the damn block. Trying to trick The Tooz can be dangerous to your health.

12.

[Q] Playboy: Is Astroturf the main cause of football injuries?

[A] Matuszak: The only injuries I've ever had have been on Astroturf. I've had two injuries in 17 years of football and they've both been on that silly-ass shit. They ought to ban it, get rid of it or use it as a weapon. They should send all our Astroturf to El Salvador and kill all the rebels by having them play football on it. Astroturf works better than bullets. It's already killing off the older players. So now they're bringing in the younger players, who get half as much money and play half as good. All you have to do is fall on that concrete shit and you'll get injured.

13.

[Q] Playboy: What's it like cruisin' with The Tooz?

[A] Matuszak: It's changed a little lately. It's still fun, but it's much more of a natural high. Crown Royal is out. A triple Crown Royal used to be my favorite drink. I love Crown Royals. I love just catching that slight little buzz. Every time it seemed I got that slight little buzz, I got in trouble. Also, I found out I would wake up in the morning next to a girl and ask who she was. Sometimes I'd wake up and ask myself who I was. Cruisin' with The Tooz now consists of having a good time without getting thrown in jail. You have a good dinner, check out the ladies, take a few home and have a mellow time in the hot tub. You can get bruised if you try to cruise with The Tooz, but you can't lose. In the old days, I could drink all my teammates under the table. But now I want to play another five years, so The Tooz has become a mellow fellow.

14.

[Q] Playboy: What's the most adventure-some sex scene you've ever been in?

[A] Matuszak: Rub-a-dub-dub, eight people in a tub. Two were men, six were women. There were three girls to look for each guy's ducky. Actually, I don't like multiple sex. I like multiple parties. Multiple sex isn't as much fun as one on one. You can look into each other's eyes more one on one. You're not worried about what's going on behind you. When I was in college. I lived in a house with eight or ten guys. They were all horny as hell. This one girl who really liked The Tooz was with me in bed. She was twice as old as me. She told me she loved me. I said I liked her and so did my friends. This was way before women's lib, mind you. I opened the door and all my roommates were there. She happily played conductor on the train. We just happened to run into a lovely lady who enjoyed pleasing a lot of horny young college students.

15.

[Q] Playboy: What would you do if you discovered one of your teammates was a homosexual?

[A] Matuszak: One thing for sure, I wouldn't drop a bar of soap near him in the shower. I respect a person's sexual preference as long as he doesn't press it on me. No N.F.L. player would ever say he was gay. There's a macho feeling amongst the players that we all maintain. They just wouldn't allow a gay player on the team. We'd make sure he'd get shots for it or he wouldn't stick around. I mean physical shots, man. How would you like to have a fag in your locker room? There's nothing wrong with them, but they don't belong in the locker room. Besides, I don't think there are any homosexuals in the N.F.L. I hope not, for their sake.

16.

[Q] Playboy: How do you prepare for a game?

[A] Matuszak: I engage in a little mental masturbation. That'll do it every time. I start thinking about my next opponent immediately after a game. The team takes one day off, then we watch game films of our next opponent. I then lay off the things that will affect my performance. Wine, women and song. I cut them out three or four days before the game. I believe, however, quarterbacks should get laid the night before the game. It would help them relax. Quarterbacks are always too nervous close to game time. The owners should hire women for the quarterbacks so they're relaxed. Linemen don't need pregame sex. We have to be fired up but, at the same time, mellowed so we don't waste energy. Wide receivers and running backs need their energy, too, so they should also abstain.

17.

[Q] Playboy: Are there types of women you think from experience are bad for you?

[A] Matuszak: I once had a woman try to run me over with a car in training camp. I think that's bad for you. I also don't like being around women who are prick teasers. Please me, don't tease me! My ex-roommate Kenny Stabler told me the best thing to do around women is just to watch. Watching him around women was like watching a huge magnet go into a thumbnail factory.

18.

[Q] Playboy: In the movie Caveman, you play a hostile tribal leader, and in North Dallas Forty, you're a tough, crazed football player. Are you being typecast or just in training for future Cary Grant roles?

[A] Matuszak: I'd rather play John Wayne parts. To me, acting is as competitive and powerful a business as football. I'm a relative rookie in acting who's just cracked his cherry. I'm comfortable acting but only in movies. I'd be a fish out of water on Broadway, unless I worked at it. The bottom line is you have to kick ass if you want to remain on top in either sports or show business. Someday, on the screen, you'll see the sweet and intellectual side of The Tooz. Sports fans already know I'm more than just another pretty face.

19.

[Q] Playboy: From whom do you take no?

[A] Matuszak: A lot of people. Women say no; I say OK. The judge says no; I say OK. The Raiders coach Tom Flores and Al Davis. Mom and Dad. They all tell me no and I do what they say. That's about it. I don't take no from my teammates.

20.

[Q] Playboy: Would you ever do a nude layout like your ex-teammate Dan Pastorini did for Playgirl last year?

[A] Matuszak: Not for Playgirl. There's something about that magazine I don't like. I just don't like to look at swinging cocks staring me in the face. I think for me to pose nude, it would have to be done tastefully. Face it! Women who want to see The Tooz nude want to see him in person. They know with me there's no substitute for satisfaction. The Tooz delivers the real thing!