Playboy's 20Q: Traci Lords

Actress Traci Lords has enjoyed an electic career. The Ohio native has worked in many areas of the entertainment industry: sitcoms, miniseries, John Waters movies, big-budget films and now an action series. Lords, 32, is the heroine doing battle with aliens on the Sci-Fi Channel's First Wave. But things were not always this legitimate.

The former Nora Kuzma grew up in an unhappy family, living in West Virginia, the Midwest and, ultimately, southern California. At 14, looking to escape a dismal, fatherless home life, Lords accepted an opportunity to appear in an adult film. Taking the first name Traci from her best friend and Lords from the star of her favorite show, Hawaii Five-O, she quickly became a household name, appearing in more than 75 films until, when she was 18, her agent and two producers were indicted under child pornography laws for using a minor in their films. Video store shelves were cleared of Traci Lords products--except for those films made after her 18th birthday. Lords was losing her battle with a cocaine addiction. Still a teenager, she had hit rock bottom.

Lords tapped into her survival instincts and successfully dealt with her drug problem on her own. She studied acting at the famed Strasberg Institute. She was soon cast in her first feature film, a remake of Roger Corman's science fiction cult hit Not of This Earth. Then a call from eccentric filmmaker John Waters changed Lords' life. She appeared opposite Johnny Depp in Cry-Baby. Roles followed in Waters' Serial Mom (starring Kathleen Turner), Virtuosity (with Denzel Washington) and Blade (opposite Wesley Snipes). Lords has guest-starred on Nash Bridges, Tales From the Crypt and Married With Children, had recurring roles on Melrose Place and Roseanne and starred for two seasons on Profiler. She has appeared in Stephen King's The Tommyknockers miniseries and Intent to Kill. Lords showed her versatility with her singing and songwriting debut, Control, a dance club hit that rose to number two on the Billboard charts.

Robert Crane caught up with Lords in Los Angeles. He reports: "Traci could definitely kick ass on the Survivor island. She maintains a splendid sense of humor, a tempered perspective and a take-no-prisoners philosophy. She also has a great pair of legs. She was in the middle of a whirlwind tour. Lords was ready."

1

[Q] Playboy: Who is easier to please in bed, a man or a woman?

[A] Lords: I would have to say men. I've been with women, and I'm much more comfortable with men. Women are lovely and they're lovely to kiss and I certainly have no problem with the female form, but you always want the pesky penis at the end, and plastic just doesn't do it. I'm completely comfortable with my sexuality and that I've been both places and explored, but that's something you do when you're 16. To do it now would be almost ridiculous. Not because I'm in any way, shape or form offended by women. I think they're great. I just know what I like, and it usually has a penis attached.

2

[Q] Playboy: What always seems to work with a man?

[A] Lords: Every guy is different. It depends on how somebody makes you feel. I know what I don't do with someone I'm with, and that's to be fake. I hate the whole thing about women faking orgasms--women giving somebody credit for something he didn't do. It's really teaching him kind of poorly. 'Oh baby, baby, that feels so good' when it doesn't. Well, then, why are you there? Sex is a great thing. I love sex. It's really important and I don't like to waste my time with it. I choose men very carefully. I have to make sure they qualify. There's a test when you first meet them--see if they wear boxers or briefs, see if they like beer or wine. If I like someone, I'll watch him. His mannerisms, the way he walks, the way he holds himself. You can tell a lot about somebody by the way he moves. If somebody is overly into himself, physically, he's usually really lousy in bed, because he's worried about how he's going to look when he's moving a certain way. If somebody's not in his skin, if he doesn't own it, he's usually a lousy lover. There's that whole thing that women say, about a guy with big feet: Big feet, big shoes. I have to admit I tend to peer at feet, even though I don't believe that. I just can't help but go, Hmmm. And I love Gucci on men. Gucci shoes do it for me every time. Say, a size 14.

3

[Q] Playboy: A person stays over for the first time. Why does he leave stuff or pick up stuff?

[A] Lords: Oh, it's total marking. If I'm with a guy and I spend the night with him and leave something, it means I want to see him again. If I make sure that everything, every strand of hair, is attached to me when I leave, chances are I crept out in the middle of the night very slowly, so as not to disturb him. I've never actually taken something from somebody's place. I think you can be arrested for that, can't you? I've taken T-shirts from boyfriends. It's just the smell thing. I love a good semi-crusty T-shirt, with a one-day slight stench to it--I love it, if I'm really into the guy. Oh, yeah. There's something so primal and sexy about sweat. I love sweat.

4

[Q] Playboy: A guy is going out with Traci Lords for the first time. What could he possibly do to impress her?

[A] Lords: It's really simple. A gentleman impresses me. I like men who open doors. I like men who are on time. I like men who (continued on page 128) Traci Lords (continued from page 125) bring flowers. I like men who call the next day. I like men who are confident. I like no-nonsense men. I don't like prissy boys. I don't like people who are afraid to say what they think. I like straight shooters. That turns me on.

5

[Q] Playboy: Who benefits from lowering their standards, men or women?

[A] Lords: I don't think anyone benefits from lowering their standards. I think it's the greatest lie you can tell yourself. It's always lurking there no matter how you try to disguise it, how you try to color it. You know what the deal is. So when you lower your standards and think, Well, he doesn't really turn me on in bed, but he's really nice--we all know that's crap. It's the lethal package that I'm interested in. I want the guy who is physically appealing--pleasing to me. He doesn't have to be a drop-dead-gorgeous babe but somebody who I think is sexy, smart, funny, who knows what he wants. I don't want some beautiful dummy and I don't want some ugly genius. I want an average Joe. Isn't that frightening? Do you know how few of those there are? And if you find any, will you send them to me?

6

[Q] Playboy: You've worked hard to see that children don't have to go through what you went through. What are the hard truths and realizations you acquired as a child?

[A] Lords: Not having my dad around really formed my life. I felt like I looked for my father for a long, long time, which led to bad relationships. When I was in my 20s that's all I did. I was lucky that I met an amazing man and married him. That was wonderful, but after we split I went through every bad boy because it was safe and comfortable and reminded me of Daddy, and that was a nightmare.

7

[Q] Playboy: How long were you married?

[A] Lords: I was married for six years. He's an amazing man--my oldest friend and my oldest lover. I'm going to see him tomorrow, actually. I might get laid, as a matter of fact. The last time I saw him was three years ago. I knocked on his door and he opened it and took one look at me and we ended up in bed for three days. I saw him three weeks ago and it was the same thing. It was great. It's always great. He's the love of my life. I was just too young. We were so young and he's on one coast and I'm on the other. So we'll see. It's kind of funny to have an affair with your ex-husband every so often. It's pretty cool. He knows which buttons to push. It's like he has some sort of map of my body or something. He's the only guy I've ever met who actually screams louder than I do. I like that fearlessness in a man. God, what have I been doing? Why am I even fucking around like this? I have to go see him.

8

[Q] Playboy: Do you think the adult film industry should be shut down or more strictly governed?

[A] Lords: I don't have a problem with pornography as long as it's consenting adults who are doing it for their pleasure. I have a real sore spot--no pun intended--about child pornography, because it's something I've had to deal with half my life and it's been very difficult for me. I don't think 18 is old enough. How come you can't buy a drink until you're 21? Because you're not mature enough to make that decision. But you can go out and have sex and have it recorded. That seems ridiculous to me. I don't think 18 is old enough to make a decision that's going to affect the rest of your life. It affected mine--changed my entire life. I was so young---14, 15, 16, 17. I did the best I could at the time. I thought that was cool then. I didn't really understand what it was going to mean later. I didn't think, What's going to happen when I'm 25? I thought, God, I'll never live to be 21. I was one of those kids.

9

[Q] Playboy: What has changed the most about the porn industry since you left it?

[A] Lords: When I was in porn, it was still kind of underground. There were people who rented movies, but it was not like it is now. Porn is everywhere. The most conservative people I know like to watch movies. The Internet is a big factor, and there are women who really promote themselves as porn stars. That wasn't happening when I was around. I did what I did and hoped that nobody found out about it. Now people are like, "Yeah, I'm in a porno movie." It's pretty bizarre.

10

[Q] Playboy: Should politicians be in the position to legislate moral issues?

[A] Lords: Well, they are in that position and they're not exactly the best role models. The bottom line is, there are good politicians and there are bad politicians. There's decadence and then there are people who are on the proper moral path--whatever that may be. I just don't believe it's cool to impose your views on other people and say, "No, you can't look at this, you can't do that," except with kids. It's not OK to exploit kids. They're our future. They should be protected, and more should be done to protect them. I mean that in every way--regarding safety and guns and violence and pornography. America is so obsessed with sex and with keeping it in the closet. I would much rather see people having sex than killing each other. You would think we would have learned that by now. I feel stupid even talking about it, it's so ridiculous.

11

[Q] Playboy: We never ran into a 16-year-old like you. Were we in the wrong place at the wrong time?

[A] Lords: Well, that depends on how you look at it, doesn't it? I know people have the fantasy, the schoolgirl thing, the young innocent girl, the Britney Spears phenomenon. But come on, guys, it's not right. It really isn't. You shouldn't be screwing the babysitter. It's really not cool. And as far as I'm concerned, I don't know if you would have wanted to run into me at 16. I was a nightmare at 16. I was definitely a wild child and sometimes to be around me was fun because I was just so over-the-top and outrageous. You never knew what I was going to do. Other times I was just so wounded and angry and pissed at the world that I don't know how much fun I was. I think it was that combination of rage and teenage sexuality. If I'm going to hit my sexual peak now, I'm going to lock myself in a room somewhere. I'm scared. What would that mean? Can you imagine? Frightened, I'm frightened. No, no more.

12

[Q] Playboy: If a fan meets you on the street, should he keep his enthusiasm to a minimum?

[A] Lords: It used to really upset me when somebody would make a comment like, "Oh yeah, I've seen your early films," but now it completely depends on how it's done. If somebody's really vulgar (concluded on page 169) Traci Lords (continued from page 128) about it, it depends on what mood I'm in. If I'm feeling sensitive it will be a different reaction every time, but basically I don't begrudge people whatever they say. If a guy has one of my old films and he has jerked off to it, I'm glad somebody got some pleasure. It's already done. I can't take it back. You can't save me from that part of my life. I sometimes find those films embarrassing, sometimes it pisses me off and sometimes it just makes me laugh and I go, "Yeah, well, I give good head." What am I going to say? That's probably the only thing porn taught me--how to give a blow job without messing up my lipstick. Which comes in handy from time to time.

13

[Q] Playboy: You worked with Patty Hearst. Ever discuss victimhood?

[A] Lords: No. Patty and I never really spoke about anything serious. She played my mom in Cry-Baby. I didn't know her very well and I didn't want to offend her or put her off. It was her first acting job, and I guess I was coming from a place of "I get sick of hearing it" so she was probably really sick of hearing it. I wasn't going to go there, and I didn't. We talked about baking and cakes and recipes, mother-daughter stuff. She never said porn, I never said robbery, it was beautiful. Mutual respect.

14

[Q] Playboy: Anything you miss from your former life?

[A] Lords: No. I'll say that it was much easier when I was marching to the tune of, "Oh it doesn't matter what I'm doing, because I won't live to be 21." Having zero responsibility, being fearless, because I didn't care if I lived or died. That's sort of a tragic statement. If I miss anything, that's it. It's a lot harder being conscious. It's a lot harder being grown-up and thinking about what you're doing and how it will affect people around you. It's a lot harder giving a shit.

15

[Q] Playboy: What's different about craft service on adult films and legit films?

[A] Lords: Craft service on adult films has condoms and douches, and craft service on regular films certainly doesn't. There are no lubricants involved. On First Wave we have the best. Everything from pizzas to grapes to coffee and a big basket of vitamins because we're all sick and malnourished, working too many hours. There's lots of aspirin and gum because there's a lot of stinky breaths from working 16-hour days and drinking coffee. It's Vancouver, so there's mounds and mounds of sushi. Salmon, unbelievable. It beats porn craft service and vodka at six a.m.

16

[Q] Playboy: What should you do if you're confronted by an alien?

[A] Lords: You should definitely haul ass. I don't think you should say anything. Not, "Hi, how are you? Nice to meet you." Just go. If you watch First Wave you'll notice that whenever there are aliens around nothing good comes of it. It's just bad, bad, bad.

17

[Q] Playboy: So is the only good alien a dead alien?

[A] Lords: Yes. Absolutely. The aliens on our show are not like E.T. They are more like the ones Sigourney Weaver fought--the big, horrible ones. They do nasty things. Currently, I'm having something nasty done to me by one of them. They've done all kinds of things to me. They've strapped me to devices and changed my consciousness and tortured me. I've actually gone to hell and met Satan.

18

[Q] Playboy: Are your aliens the gooey or the metallic type?

[A] Lords: They grow bodies that are called husks. The Gua are the aliens on our show, and they are always exquisitely beautiful because aliens are not stupid and they realize that in our society it's beneficial to come into a beautiful husk. So our aliens are always stunning. They put their consciousness in these husks, and then when they die they basically disintegrate.

19

[Q] Playboy: What kinds of movies make you squirm?

[A] Lords: Horror movies, Stephen King movies. I find the books more frightening than the films, because when you're reading, it's all up here [pointing to head]. I like sci-fi a lot. I think that's probably why I've done so much sci-fi in my career. I saw The Cell recently and thought some of the effects were really disturbing. Silence of the Lambs--type movies just freak me out.

20

[Q] Playboy: Your soft side: Who gets to see it?

[A] Lords: I guess whoever's looking. I don't consider myself a terribly hard person. I have been, but I don't think that's where I'm at now. I feel like I'm pretty open, but I can be shut down really, really fast. If I feel like I'm in danger, I can be very firm, but I don't really hide behind that badass persona anymore. I did for a long time. Now I'm kind of like, "Hey, I'm human. I'm not getting laid, just like you." I wanted to be perfect for so long and I think I felt I had so much to prove: "Hi, I'm really smart." "Hi, I'm really talented." "Hi, I'm really a serious actress." I was so busy trying to prove to everybody that I was all of those things that one day I said, "Oh my God, I am these things. Why am I so insecure about it?" No one's arguing with the fact. It's me. It was my head trip the whole time. That was the biggest joke of all. I was the only one who didn't believe it. It's like, "Oh shit, you idiot."

It's pretty cool to have an affair with your ex-husband. He knows which buttons to push.

Patty Hearst and I never really spoke about anything serious. She never said porn. I never said robbery.