This is the second installment of Dating, Unhinged, an exclusive series for Playboy from writer, model, and viral content creator Isabel Timerman — better known to her loyal followers as IsabelUnhinged. She started posting videos in 2022, using social media as an outlet after a messy breakup. With her candid, painfully relatable posts, she quickly amassed a devoted following and millions of views. Now crowned the “Empress of Delululand,” she leads the delulu movement, encouraging women to embrace their fantasies with humor and positivity. Her satirical yet honest approach to dating has made her a powerful voice for those seeking empowerment through unfiltered authenticity.
They can’t come back if you won’t leave them alone.
When it comes to getting an ex back, I’ve tried it all: emails, love letters, “accidental” run-ins at the Sweetgreen near his work. I’ve paid Etsy witches to cast love spells, infiltrated his friend group, crafted targeted Instagram stories, dropped thirst traps and posted Lana Del Rey songs like some kind of incantation, hoping he’d feel a sudden pang of longing and want me back. None of it worked.
There’s a reason they always come back the moment you’ve moved on. But here’s a secret: you don’t actually need to move on. You just need to look like you have. Forget a healing stage or finding a new flame. Sometimes, the best revenge is a well-executed cosplay. Master the art of being unbothered, even if you’re sobbing to Taylor Swift or Gracie Abrams at 2 a.m.
Easier said than done. When my college boyfriend brutally dumped me (well-deserved, I’ll admit), I unraveled. How could my other half of nearly three years just decide not to love me anymore—on a random Wednesday, no less. Heartbreak is its own form of madness: that pit in your stomach, rotting in bed, starving or binging, waking up every day to a fresh round of punishment.
I became the psycho ex-girlfriend—the horror story you swap at a party, a cautionary tale. I sent messages over TextNow, even Venmo, a dollar paired with an incendiary caption to get a response. I reached out to his mom, to the new girl, telling her he’d never love her like he’d loved me. I made threats that came out as confessions. Wrote letters that veered from pleading to rage. It lasted for almost a year, until the day I saw him with his new girlfriend, and, finally, I understood. He owed me nothing.
I’d destroyed any hope of reconciliation by demanding it. It’s not the end of the relationship that determines its fate, but how you handle the aftermath. The secret to being missed is to go missing.
Below are five things NOT to do when you’re trying to get your ex back. And just to be clear, I’m not claiming I’ve never pulled these stunts. (Coaches don’t play.) I’m just telling you they don’t work.
Don’t Show Emotion
There’s a common misconception that showing emotion elicits sympathy; that if you really explain how you feel, how in love you still are (even if you didn’t show it during the relationship) they’ll come home. In reality, it’s a turn-off. Outbursts (crying over FaceTime, sending three-page emails) make exes want to run in the opposite direction.
Don’t Over-Post
When a relationship ends, there’s an impulse to flood your stories; to beckon them through the thin glass of your phone screen. You imagine their nostalgia-tinged yearning as they tap through your photos: you posing at a party, dancing under the club lights, or the bikini selfie, showing off your lithe revenge body. The sad version, the carefree version, the one with a hint of mystery.
But desperation can’t be hidden, no matter the filter. Sorry, but the thirst traps, gym shots, bursts of sunset pictures, Sylvia Plath quotes and coded song lyrics are obvious ploys. Your ex will see right through them, and worse, might even get the ick.
Instead, have someone else post—a friend they still follow, someone who can show you without showing you. You in the corner of a group shot, smiling half out of frame. You with your head thrown back, laughing at an inside joke they’ll never know. It’s the absence of trying that might get to them, the suggestion that you’re moving on, just beyond their gaze, just outside of their sight line.
Read More: The Crazy-Hot Matrix, Explained
Don’t Reach Out
It seems obvious enough that breaking no contact with your ex isn’t the right move. But here’s the thing you need to truly understand: silence really is power. It feels impossible to stay quiet when the person who caused your suffering is the one you need to assuage it. One more text, one more meme, one more story reply, one more drunk call at 3 a.m, one more love letter or email or LinkedIn message (if you’re blocked on everything like me).
Instead, cut them out of your life with surgical precision. Not a whisper, not a hint. Delete their contact information and all past conversations. Erase them from every social media platform. Make them vanish as if they never existed. If you feel the urge to reach out, wait an hour. Text the group chat and have them remind you why you’re so much better off alone.
By cutting all contact, you stop feeding the cycle. You let yourself endure the withdrawal until, one day, the craving subsides.
Don’t Homie Hop
Deep in the thick of one of my breakups—the manic stage, the kind of low where all you see is red—I made the mistake of DMing one of my ex’s close friends.
“We should get drinks :)” I wrote.
Before I could even unsend it, he screenshotted the message and sent it straight to my ex, further cementing his belief that I’d lost my mind entirely.
Jake, 24, a research analyst from New York, puts it bluntly: “The worst thing a girl can do is hook up or flirt with your friends. It’s the biggest turn-off. It’s so obvious what they’re doing. We won’t be jealous or want you back.”
Instead, try a subtler route. Go for an acquaintance, someone on the periphery. This move plants the seed of wondering, but without the obvious intent. And in that space—where you’re not so blatantly trying to wound—they may feel the prick of jealousy and reach out.
Don’t Talk Shit
Trash talk all you want to your best friends—tear your ex apart, laugh at their glow-down, manifest it, even. But when it comes to the outside world, the best move is always indifference. Don’t drop the cheating saga, or reveal their cringeworthy habits. If it gets back to your ex that you’re still ranting, they’ll know they’ve won. A simple “It just didn’t work out, but I wish them the best” is more than enough. It’s respectful, it’s poised, and most importantly, it’s gracefully detached. Nothing to see here.
Follow these steps and, sure enough, your ex might come back. But don’t confuse that with winning. The real challenge isn’t getting them back, but making them want to stay. Exes sometimes show up for a pulse check—to see if you’re still in their orbit. If you fold too quickly, they’ll pull back again, so much easier the second time around. A casual, “Hey I’m great, thanks for checking in!” is the best response if they do come back around. Nothing twists the knife like conversation-ending cool. What really gets under people’s skin is a door that’s not just shut—but locked, with no key in sight.
But this all begs the question: do we really want them back anyway? After months of suffering they begin to blur – their scent, their voice, the stupid nicknames they called you. You’re even starting to crush on that sweet guy at work, the one who brings you coffee every morning and remembers your birthday. And just as you begin to feel yourself moving on, that call or text flashes on your phone screen. The one you used to manifest in your journal, the one you would have died for, killed for, once upon a time. But now you’re no longer playing hard to get, you are hard to get. And you think to yourself: What the hell did I ever see in them?