Editor’s note: This question about a discussing kink comes from the inbox of Cate Osborn, frequent Playboy contributor and Playboy Club creator. We highly recommend you follow Cate on Instagram for more of her wisdom.

Q: I know you do a lot of work in TTRPGs so this is sort of a venn diagram of a question: I love roleplay. I absolutely love it, I think it is the hottest thing, ever. I want to be a naughty maid or a countess seducing a stable boy or…whatever. The problem (or, I guess, question I have), is that as somebody who does a lot of acting and plays a lot of DnD (and even has some training), my biggest turn-off is when production values are low. My partner is so supportive and tries his best, but he is a terrible actor. Just awful. I want passion! I want drama! I want passionate fervor in petticoats and breeches, but we live in a studio apartment with two cats and two kids, nothing about our lives is particularly conducive to really serious, sexy roleplaying. Any suggestions? 

Cate Osborn: Sometimes I get a question that is so specifically in the intersection of my special interests and background that I get immediately overwhelmed with excitement. This is one of those times.  I, too, am an overachieving theatre nerd who is cursed with both a vivid imagination and the urge to write a 17-page backstory for every DnD character I’ve ever played.

Roleplay is an EXCELLENT way to explore different power dynamics and situations in a safe and consensual space, but I get it- it totally makes sense that you’d want “high production values” and believable acting, because roleplay is about prescisely that- pretending to be someone else. It’s designed for the suspension of disbelief. You really want to FEEL like that slutty maid, not like “me, but in an itchy costume ignoring the pile of laundry on the couch”. Sometimes you really want there to be a bunch of petticoats for him to shove roughly up your legs as he desperately pins you against the four poster bed …y’know.

Here are some things you might consider trying:

1. Sign up for an improv class with your partner. Obviously, keep the spice out of class where your fellow students can’t consent, but sometimes, shy roleplayers just need a little support and coaxing to get out of their shell and realize “oh there really isn’t a right answer, it’s all vibes”.

2. If immersion is important to you, consider planning a sexy ‘staycation’ in a locale that better matches the vibe you’re going for. There are tons of castles and Victorian manors and otherwise interesting backdrops (like actual sex dungeons) for surprisingly affordable rates on rental sites. This is where you can make it a whole production- are the petticoats and breeches REALLY important to you? Then consider buying, making or thrifting some period-ish appropriate clothing. Those LED candles are also great for easily setting the mood without setting fires, and it’s a great time to pick them up- they’re usually on sale after Christmas!

3. Hear me out: Sex-friendly LARPS. They exist, they’re a great way to get away for a weekend and hone in on heavy-duty roleplay and story-based interactions. There are tons of different companies that produce them in various places during different times of the year, so do some research to see what’s in your area (or, again- great excuse for a trip somewhere!)

4. If a full-weekend getaway isn’t feasible, look up your local kink space or dungeon and see if they have a night that suits your fancy. Some dungeons have “maid nights” or “fantasy nights”, but even regular ol’ dungeon parties are a great place to throw on a masquerade mask and act like strangers. 

5. Hot take: prepare the scene ahead of time. If your partner isn’t a great actor or improvisor, maybe he just needs to learn some lines first. There is absolutely no rule that says you can’t memorize a sexy scene or two from Shakespeare (or whatever) and work together to create some sexy “blocking” with lots and lots of rehearsal.

It’s okay to want things that feel complicated or complex, and you don’t have to compromise for the sake of convenience. We are infinitely complex beings, and if the difference between mediocre sex and mind-blowing sex is a couple of petticoats, I say embrace the beauty in your wants and wear those ruffles with pride.

Whether or not your partner is going to start saying stuff like “what’s my motivation here” remains to be seen, but, as always…I hope this helps. 

Enjoy more of The Playboy Advisor archives here.