Nobody Is Excited for ‘The Goonies’ Sequel

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Who asked for this?

It’s been 40 years in the making, but the announcement that the 1985 kids “classic” The Goonies sequel is in the works landed like brick on a bare foot.

Not much is known about the project at this juncture, but The Sun is reporting that production could begin as early as next summer, with hopes to include as much of the original cast as possible.

The Goonies Cast: Where are they now?

Every precocious apple-cheeked kid in The Goonies is almost unrecognizable now. Jeff Cohen, who played the Truffle Shuffling Chunk, is now an entertainment lawyer, and has shed just about all his baby fat.

Teen heartthrobs Corey Feldman and Sean Astin, who played Mouth and Mikey (respectively) went on to make blockbusters and cult classics, including License to Drive and the first three movies in the ever-expanding Lord of the Rings franchise.

The ever-charming Ke Huy Quan, who portrayed Data, surprised the world with an Oscar-winning return to acting in Everything Everywhere All At Once. And then there’s Mikey’s older brother Brand, played by Josh Brolin, who grew up to be—well—Josh Brolin.

Does anyone actually want a The Goonies sequel?

We live in a golden age of monkey paw film series revivals, but most of them tend to leave both young and old film fans sort of cold. If you take a peak at the social media reaction, there’s a myriad of feelings, though none of them seem to be excitement.

An unsubstantiated rumor says Stephen Spielberg is set to direct this forthcoming sequel, which … remains to be seen. This attempt at squeezing another bankable sequel out of an ’80s “classic” may come fresh off the heels of the first weekend box office returns of Beetlejuice, Beetlejuice.

News is still developing on the matter, but the reception of this announcement is lukewarm, to say the least. Sure, the cast may be returning. But will we get a Cyndi Lauper song that will top “The Goonies R Good Enough?”

The original movie was directed by the legendary Richard Donner. Donner also directed Superman, Superman II, The Omen, and three movies in the Lethal Weapon franchise. The story of a gang of plucky treasure hunters in from Astoria, Oregon was a brainchild of Stephen Spielberg. Plus, everyone from the the original cast is old enough to have back problems. It’s unlikely that lightning will strike twice.

We didn’t get a sequel while the iron was hot, and that may have been for a good reason. Besides, Robert Davi is far too frightening for the youths of today, even without makeup.

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