What started as a Covid hobby turned into Dude Therapist, a celebrated weekly talk sesh where mental health professionals dish about everything from friendship dynamics to battling inner demons and everything in between.
The Dude Therapist podcast is hosted by licensed clinical social work therapist Eli Weinstein, who’s been featured on Therapy Thoughts, Cat & Nat, and The Kelly Clarkson Show. The Dude Therapist himself sat down with us to discuss parenting, therapy, and how one simple ask may change your life.
Playboy: All right, all right. I’m gonna jump right into the questions. And I’m gonna start big. What’s Kelly Clarkson like?
Weinstein: Kelly Clarkson is awesome. I had the opportunity of being in her show a couple years ago and she’s tiny, but powerful. She was just nice. It was the beginning of her career of doing talk shows and she really just opened her doors to that opportunity to be on the show.
Unfortunately, the section that I was supposed to be me and her alone was cut. I ended up being on just the couch and talking to her, but she gave me a big hug and thanked me for moving my clients around to show up on the show and to make it happen. Kelly, If you read this: I would love to be back on! But it was really a wonderful experience.
Playboy: Can you tell me the dude therapists approach to therapy?
Weinstein: No BS with lots of compassion. I’m a straight shooter. I feel like if someone’s coming to therapy, they’re looking for someone to help them. They’re looking for help, they’re not just looking to talk.
My real focus is to build a relationship with someone so that there’s a trust where I can then talk to them as a person who cares, but not someone who’s gonna beat around the bush and ask, “How does that make you feel?” or things of that nature.
In all seriousness, I hope that every person that leaves a session, whether it’s coaching, whether it’s therapy, or even a podcast episode with something to take away into their life, that is productive. And not walk away, and go, “What the hell did I just do for an hour of my life?” But feel that something was actually taken care of.
Playboy: What inspired the podcast?
Weinstein: Boredom. It was during Covid and I was on the West Coast with my in-laws, for a couple of months, not being cooped up in New York City. And I was working New York hours and I was ending really early in the day like 1 o’clock in the afternoon. I’m like, “What am I gonna do with this time?” And I’m not a great writer even though I’m actually writing a book right now, I’m a better speaker. So I just really wanted to start something that I was passionate about. And hopefully, reaching a people, help them feel seen, heard and maybe get them help they deserve.
Playboy: Because of creators such as yourself, many phrases that were normally only heard in therapists’ offices have sort of broken contagion and are now part of the broad lexicon. Do you think this is a positive thing?
Weinstein: Knowledge is power. And knowing and putting words to things or having some context to how you’re feeling is super important.
So educate yourself. Just because someone online says it, doesn’t mean it’s exactly true. But it’s good to take it and go “Hey, that’s an interesting concept. Let me look into it for my own self and see if that actually fits my life.” Or, “Maybe I don’t have OCD just because I like my socks in a certain drawer. Maybe I’m not bipolar just because I’m sad today and angry tomorrow. And maybe it’s not gaslighting when someone just disagrees with me.” It’s just really important to know what these words truly mean so that we can use them correctly and hopefully educate and shape our world a little bit better.
Playboy: 1,000% agreed. Your Dude Therapist podcast features many experts in their field. Do you have any dream guests, experts or otherwise?
Weinstein: Yeah, for sure. I would love to have Dax Shepard on. I find him so amazing as a man with his journey of alcohol and drug addiction. Or to be able to have access to someone like Demi Lovato or Selena Gomez. Where we’re talking openly about their mental health: that would be a dream of mine. To be able to pick their brain and understand what it’s like to be in that world.
Read More: The Luminous Colors of Andrea Whitt
Playboy: What’s one myth about relationships you wish you could smash?
Weinstein: I love that question. Going to bed, angry. I think that you should go to bed angry sometimes. I remember when I was getting married, my grandmother who’s 97—still around—looked at me and said, “Eli, don’t go to bed angry.” and I went, “kay, sounds great.” Which means: makeup before you go to bed. But sometimes you are not available. Your brain’s unavailable to actually handle recovery with your partner. Sometimes you are just so pissed and so angry that no matter what is said, it’s just gonna cause more damage than good. To me, sometimes, you need to pause and take it up later. You can always talk about it another time within the next 24 hours.
Playboy: What about parenting myths?
Weinstein: You don’t always have to like your kids. You have to love them though. I think a lot of times we are so pressured to feel like to my kids all the time. Your kids can be very annoying to be around. Or very hard to deal with. Something happened last week, where my daughter asked for something. I gave her exactly what she asked for, and she still screamed at me. That is annoying, that’s hard to deal with. It’s okay to not like your kids, but don’t let that dictate how you love them.
Playboy: Any advice for those who struggle with their mental health?
Weinstein: We all deserve to feel healthy. We all deserve to feel, okay. And you got to take care of yourself. And it doesn’t matter how young you are or where you are in life. You deserve to be okay and that changes every single day.
And it’s a hugely empowering thing when you’re able to find who you are without worrying about what other people think. It doesn’t mean that you don’t care. Doesn’t mean you’re like “F the world, screw everyone!” What it means is that I know me.
The last thing I’ll say, which is a model I run my world by is “If you don’t ask, the answer will always be no.” Stop sitting back and waiting. It won’t just happen. Make sure you send the email that you’re afraid to. Ask that person out that you’ve always wanted to say something to. Of course, be smart about it, but don’t just wait because if you don’t do it, it will never happen. Make that phone call, pitch yourself to a company. Ask for help. The answer could be no. But there’s always the possibility of yes.