For the upcoming relaunch of Playboy Magazine, the Playboy Interview features comedian Nikki Glaser, the comedian who blew everyone away hosting last night’s Golden Globes. Here are a few choice cuts from the extended Interview, which will hit the stands in early February.
PLAYBOY: What’s your ideal demographic to roast?
GLASER: People I’m jealous of, because that’s where I find venom. If I don’t like
someone, it’s usually because I’m jealous of them. So it would probably be Victoria’s Secret Angels. Models would be my favorite people to roast, because I wouldn’t feel as bad because they’re so hot. When I found out Gisele [Bündchen, Brady’s ex-wife] was offended by things I said, I jokingly said, “Well, she’s been roasting me her whole life with the way she looks.”
The joke had her getting her ass eaten by her boyfriend. I did understand why she would be annoyed by that. But then I also was like: You’re Gisele. It was easy for me to dismiss her discomfort, which is really myopic of me.
PLAYBOY: What’s the ideal kind of fame?
GLASER: I think I honestly have it. Feeling like people think I’m underrated. Living in St. Louis, not having to live in New York or L.A. Being able to go out and not get recognized and being photographed and not being bugged all the time. I have the perfect level of fame. I make more money than I ever could have dreamed of making. I get to hire my friends. If it goes back down to what it was a year ago, I’ll be totally fine. Even if it completely disappears, and if nobody comes to see me, I have other passions. I’ll start an animal rescue.
PLAYBOY: You joke in your standup about killing your dog by throwing a ball into traffic.
GLASER: I have so many jokes about animal cruelty and me doing acts of it. It’s like, I say the opposite of how I feel, and I like saying the darkest thing. My dog could die if I threw a ball into traffic. It’s crazy that you could kill your dog and people would be like, Oh, that’s such a shame.
But yeah, I’m in a perfect position, because I have a very normal life outside of show business, and most of my friends are not in show business. So it can go away, and I could be happy, but please don’t let it anytime soon. It’s so fun.
PLAYBOY: Are you, being in this ideal place, ready for the opposite, when the Golden Globes go great and everybody recognizes you and you can’t go to the store unaccosted?
GLASER: Bring it on. Because it won’t last, it will go away, it won’t be forever. There’s just no way that I’ll be able to maintain that. It’s like when you get into really good shape. I always delude myself into thinking, This will be this way forever. I’m always going to be this cut. You just can’t. I think I’m ready for it and it would be nice, though. But I don’t want to find out who in Hollywood is a pedophile and then have to keep it a secret. Because you do—you have to keep it a secret, otherwise they will take everything from you. I don’t want those secrets; I am not to be trusted with those codes, because I’ll spill the beans. So I don’t think they’ll ever actually let me in.