Cheating used to require high-stakes sneaking around. Now, while we clutch our phones as if they’re an extension of our bodies and virtual reality headsets further distort the traditional human experience, the act of virtual cheating is the most recent escalation in romantic betrayal.
The library of motives on why people cheat is stocked with countless reasons and excuses. Through most of the 20th century, you could cheat mainly in-person, through the phone and via letters.
In 2024, cheaters can have even more physical senses engaged by putting on VR headsets to spend a night with fellow adulterous lovers. Some may even use remote-controlled sex toys.
Is Virtual Cheating Really Cheating?
Yes. Emotional cheating — whether in-person or online — is cheating.
The reasons, as mentioned before, can range from a regrettable one-night stand or a gaslit-fueled, years-long deception. Some people fall out of love. Some people seek the thrill as a means of escape.
Virtual cheating uses modern tools for a previously unforeseen level of accessibility and anonymity. Connecting with hundreds of people is as easy as downloading an app. The anonymity can make people feel bolder and more likely to do things they wouldn’t do in person (e.g. people who make dangerous threats on social media when they know damn well they could smacked face-to-face). The excitement of a secret online relationship can be intoxicating and appealing to some.
Some cheaters believe what they’re doing is not as bad as real cheating because it’s not physical. But how would you feel if found out that the partner you trusted was putting on a VR headset to talk and cuddle with strangers?
A Horrifying Story of Virtual Cheating
A recent post from Reddit’s /marriage community describes a scenario where a woman’s husband gave her his phone to pick up a food order and messages from the Discord social platform began popping in.
She saw a message from someone saying they “missed cuddling” with her husband — whom she’s been with nearly 12 years. Through more investigation, she found messages going back eight months when her husband first quit his job to “work full time on his passion” of photography.
“He has been talking to multiple people on Discord and acting out sexual fantasies on VR chat and also cuddling and falling asleep with these people. They have also been sending him photos and videos of themselves and their bodies and sex toys. He swears he has never asked for them to send this stuff,” u/ Zestyclose_Let_5091 wrote.
Her husband apologized and said it would never happen again. However, it wasn’t the first time. He emotionally cheated on her last year — also virtually — but this time it was sexual in nature, and with numerous people.
The community on Reddit voiced support for the OP. Their suggestions on how to proceed vary, however, from one calling the husband a piece of shit who should be flushed down the toilet to others suggesting forgiveness and couple’s counseling.
“Ending an 11.5 year relationship is better than wasting the next 11.5 years in paranoid resentment. He doesn’t care about you or the sacrifices you’ve made for him, so why should you keep making them?” u/ ILuvToadz wrote.
“You’re suffering sunk cost fallacy. You’ve lost 11.5 years to this guy, don’t lose any more,” u/ NiceyChappe wrote. “In case you’re not seeing it: he quit his job to spend his time playing computer games and meeting up with online friends while you work 14 hour days to support you both.”
Another Redditor called the husband a “hobosexual” who will “live off of you and do as little as possible as long as you allow it.”
The most downvoted comments suggest couple’s counseling and therapy, while establishing rules and boundaries.
“Don’t break up your family. Learn to forgive, the grass isn’t greener. These miserable redditors want to see you die alone, don’t let them win!” u/ CraftyEntertainer245 wrote.
Should You Forgive Virtual Cheating?
Finding out your partner has been cheating virtually can be just as devastating as traditional infidelity. The reasons people cheat may be complex but the emotional damage to the betrayed partner is undeniable.
Despite Reddit’s often well-meaning user base, it’s worth remembering that people on the internet do not know the intricacies of your relationship. If you’ve been cheated on, ultimately, the decision on how to proceed rests with you.
Consider the severity of the betrayal, your partner’s remorse and whether they’re willing to put in the work to rebuild trust. Also, think about getting therapy for yourself and reach out to your personal support system. That may help discern what’s best for you as you work through those emotions.
If couple’s counseling seems like an option, the sessions could help you and your partner navigate through this difficult time and guide you toward a healthy decision — whether it’s reconciliation or moving on.
In short, some people can get over being cheated on. Others can’t. What’s important is reminding yourself that you deserve to be in a relationship built on honesty, respect, and faithful emotional connection.
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