Long-distance relationships, or what the Internet sometimes calls an LDR, have an awful reputation. In reality, there’s nothing to say they’re more likely to fail — they’re just different.
No one’s pouring money into investigating whether long-distance relationships, or LDRs, work but research suggests these couples are “not at a disadvantage” and are “not any more likely to break up than people who live near each other.”
LDRs have distinct challenges, so it may be hard to navigate uncharted territory.
Maria Segura, who was in a LDR for two years while she served in the Peace Corps and is now happily married with her husband and their two children, told Playboy that the most important requirement for success is trust.
“We needed to trust that we were faithful to each other, obviously. But also I learned to trust that if there was lack of communication, it wasn’t to hurt the other one but maybe just physical daily things that prevented it,” Segura said.
Scheduling time to speak to each other — daily if possible — is valuable because it’ll give the couple something to look forward to, Segura said, adding that understanding each other’s Love Languages is helpful.
“The long distance sucked. One of the hardest experiences for me. But it did make our relationship stronger. And it made it evident that if we could get through it, then we could get through anything together,” Segura said.
Overcoming Boredom in an LDR
A man sought advice on Reddit’s /relationships community about whether or not he should end his LDR. The painful yet beautifully honest reason? He’s bored.
“We have been long distance for over a year now, and to get to the point, I’m bored with the relationship. I don’t feel like I’m in an actual relationship, and I get frustrated not having someone to go out with when it comes to the weekends,” /u TwistElectrical322 wrote.
When in person, the OP said he doesn’t have these intrusive thoughts because they “have chemistry like no other, and are very happy when we are physically together.”
Reddit user u/kyapapaya, who said they were recently dumped in a LDR, suggested taking time to self-reflect and communicate before thinking about ending the relationship.
To consider: Is there something in your life in general, including work, that is making you feel uncertain? Is there an aspect of your relationship or your partner that is generating doubt?
“Have you guys discussed your future together ? Kids, marriage, or what it will be like to live together. Everything,” u/kyapapaya wrote.
The eventual goal of most LDRs is to close the distance between the couple. It’s important to determine in the relationship how that would happen.
“Who is the one moving ? Is it a sacrifice one of you is making or are the two of you finding a compromise?” kyapapaya wrote. “The reason I ask these questions is because this is the biggest step in an LDR, and you don’t want to hold resentment towards your partner.”
Success/Failure Ratio
As with anything, there will be positive and negative outcomes. Success depends on the couple and their commitment.
“Long-distance relationships can be tough but also rewarding! They require trust and communication, but they can help you grow individually while keeping the connection strong,” u/bigGirlAna wrote in another post.
“They are difficult but I do believe it’s better to love and lose than not to ever love, if it doesn’t work out,” u/muskyandrostenol wrote.
Sometimes, LDRs don’t work out.
“It wasn’t for me. I needed the physical intimacy as much as emotional so ultimately I just couldn’t deal with the distance and had to end it,” u/pm-me_ur_boobs_plz wrote.
“Am currently in one that is slowly eroding for me. It sucks. Once this is done, I’ll never get in another one,” u/FatBottom_ wrote.
And — you guessed it — sometimes they work out wonderfully.
“Did long distance for about a year and he was 8 hours away. Lots of communication and FaceTime. We also made sure that we both made an effort to visit each other once a month. We’ve been married 11 years,” u/RainbowKitten9214 wrote.
“There were some tough times (especially for the more anxious partner) but like many said, trust, communication, effort, and a realistic end date to the LDR. It’s beautiful. You can do this!” u/laamargachica wrote.
And before the relationship starts, take our advice on how to ace the first date.