Kinks are the toppings on the already delicious ice cream that is sex. Some enjoy the simplicity of vanilla, while others may be ravenous for a heaping amount of fudge and nuts. But what happens if it’s snack time and you’re not into the same toppings?

First and foremost, congratulations. You’re having sex. To keep that going, you may have to compromise to make sure everyone involved is satisfied.

The world of kinks and fetishes is vast and holds the power to satisfy in more ways just the commonly known dominant/submissive roles or foot fetishes. Here are a few examples you may or may not know:

• Cuckolding: You enjoy watching someone else enjoy what’s yours. Sharing is caring.
• Figging: Stick a ginger root up your butt and let it burn.
• Sploshing: Also known as wet and messy fetishism. Food? Water? Slime? Go off.
• Primal: Snarl and howl away, you sexy animals!
• Katoptronophilia: Literal sexual self-reflection (sex with mirrors).

If you’ve only known vanilla sex but are interested in the world of kink, you must think about what you may be into. You can take the BDSMTest or review a Kinklist. Consider it an exercise in getting to know yourself.

As always, respectfully communicate with your partner and work together so you’re both as happy and satisfied as possible. Healthy boundaries are important!

One Order of Vanilla Sex With a Side of Pain

A Redditor by the username of u/Ok_Guess5624 recently asked Reddit’s r/sex community for advice on how to satisfy their girlfriend who is “kinky and very much into BDSM and other related stuff.” They describe themselves as vanilla and “scared as fuck” about possibly harming their girlfriend, who “likes receiving pain.”

It’s an understandably daunting situation – but luckily folks in the thread had some good advice. One Redditor pointed out that if the girlfriend is asking for pain, then they’re not actually “harming” her. It’s fair to feel discomfort when participating in a new kink, but if you’re feeling safe, adventurous and willing to satisfy your partner, start with some less-jarring basics first.

“The line between pleasure and pain is thin and often intertwined,” u/ RepulsiveEngineer599 wrote. “You don’t have to go all 50 Shades of Gray right away … ease into it.”

In the end, compromise and communication are key to a mutually healthy sexual relationship.

“You already seem to understand the best way is a compromise where both of you are as comfortable and happy as possible,” u/ Odimorsus wrote. “Alternatively, if you want to get into some of her kinks, I’m sure she would be happy to walk you through what she likes and there are many resources online about the rules and etiquette for BDSM etc.”

And for more keys to great sex, just trust us and try this trick.