A little foreplay can go a long way. Neglecting foreplay can keep you from the actual play.
Inarguably, sex is fun. That’s one of the reasons human beings have stuck around for so damn long. In fact, sex is so highly regarded that it’s often used as the metric by which we hyperbolically describe something extraordinary (e.g.: “omg! this iced cinnamon macchiato is better than sex.”)
Sex — the undisputed champion at setting the bar — can be a performance story: A beginning, middle and end, respectively paired with rising action, a (hopefully mutual) climax and falling action.
A well-developed emotional connection through proper foreplay can take the pleasurable physical activity of sex and elevate it into something mind-blowing.
For Starters
Pick your foreplay-adjacent analogy. I’ll provide a few:
- “Sometimes you have to warm the engine before you can ride.”
- “A good appetizer can improve your appetite before you eat the main course.”
- “Properly doing the tutorial can teach you how to play the real game.”
While everyone loves a good comeback story, doing things correctly from the start makes life/sex better and less complicated.
If you and your partner’s preferences do not align on foreplay, it’s important to understand that mutual respect and appreciation of likes and dislikes is important for a healthy sexual relationship. Feeling taken for granted in the bedroom can generate wider romantic issues.
One woman approached Reddit’s r/sex community to seek guidance on how to deal with her foreplay-neglecting boyfriend.
“My boyfriend is a rugged, rough-around-the-edges type who loves intense, passionate sex. And I love that about him! However, I’m a slow-burn sensualist at heart. I crave those tantalizing moments of anticipation, the build-up of desire, and the intoxicating thrill of prolonged foreplay,” /u BigBoot7294 wrote.
The Redditor said she’s instantly aroused when touched by her boyfriend but that “sometimes, I feel like he misinterprets my arousal as a green light for a quick fuck session.”
An understandably frustrating part of this woman’s story is that she already communicated her desire for more foreplay with her boyfriend but, outside of one “amazing” sex session where he committed to foreplay, their sex life has “been back to the usual rush-to-the-finish.”
One understanding Redditor shared her similar experience.
“I have been where you are and it’s never great to feel as though your needs aren’t being met, especially when it comes to the bedroom. Foreplay is so hugely looked over, and I find that a lot of men just don’t care for it,” /u BlazedandDazedBunny7 wrote, adding that she’s very satisfied in her current relationship with her foreplay-supporting boyfriend.
The wise Redditor also suggested it’s troubling to see the boyfriend is “not willing to provide a safe space for you to thrive” even after she communicated her desires to him.
“If your boyfriend does not understand and/or doesn’t provide, ditch him,” she wrote.
Foreplay Impulses?
Another Redditor suggested her boyfriend may have issues with impulse control, which can be worked on.
“The issue is less his general inadequacy so much as it is his impulse control. He’s got the tools and he’s got the skills, he just needs to use them wisely,” /u fireflashthirteen wrote. “And if I were you; if he does find you as overwhelmingly desirable as it appears – then make him wait, in the moment. He may find the end result more than worth the wait.”
Maybe you’re sitting around wishing your partner verb (1): fore·played. Perhaps you’re reading this thinking “Oh, shit. I think I fucked up” as memories of you ignoring verbal and nonverbal requests for foreplay rush into your mind. Moving forward, remember it’s healthy to communicate desires and expectations so everyone can keep having the most fun.
Know your partner enjoys foreplay? Find what they like. Tease a little. Go slow. Create a comfortable, sensual space. Give them a massage. Make them feel wanted and comfortable. Go down there. Fulfill a fantasy.
It’s simply good manners.
And for more keys to great sex, just trust us and try this trick.