There’s a lot of pressure related to sexual experiences. For virgins, it can feel overwhelming.
There is no right or wrong answer related to losing your virginity. Many people, regardless of age or gender, experience similar anxieties.
If you want to explore your sexuality, patience and understanding are pivotal to the process. There are plenty of legitimate reasons why people feel anxious, such as body image issues, performance anxiety, past trauma and fear of intimacy. Medical issues exist too, including vaginismus and erectile dysfunction.
There are also moral or religious ideologies that may spread shame or guilt. It’s important to remember that everyone has their own timeline and their own journey related to sex.
There is nothing to be ashamed of.
Fear of Penetration
One woman posted on Reddit’s r/sex community about her fears associated with having sex due to penetration. She’s 19 years old and wants to have sex but is struggling to explore her sexuality.
“My body just wont let me. I am TERRIFIED of anything going in there. Im scared of going to the gynecologist because I dont want them to open me up like that. What do I do? I want to get over this feeling. What does it feel like?” u/ shadowmoemoekyun wrote.
The Reddit community showed their support for the OP by offering advice and understanding.
“Teaching yourself about how to be safe, feel safe and find enjoyment from pleasure is a good foundation to learn,” u/ Barnaclecosmos wrote. “You’d be surprised how many people that have sex don’t know about about how or why they do what they do, or don’t understand or trust their body.”
“I’d suggest you take it slow. Take your time to explore your body. Do not rush into sex, learn about yourself. Being afraid of penetration is completely normal. I think talking to a sex therapist would be a good option as they can help you assess your situation much better than all of us here,” u/ Alwaystherightone wrote. “Anyway, don’t feel the pressure, sex and self-pleasuring are supposed to take your stress away and not add stress to your life.”
Exploring Your Body and Mind
Patience and self-compassion are crucial to overcoming any anxieties. Masturbation is a powerful tool for self-discovery as people can understand their own bodies through pleasure. By experimenting with different techniques and sensations, you may feel more comfortable and reduce anxiety.
If you want to progress to physical intimacy by having sex with a partner, move gradually. Start with gentle touching before slowly increasing intensity to help desensitize any fear or discomfort. Mindfulness and relaxation techniques, such as deep breathing and meditation, can calm the mind and body.
Seeking a Support System
One of the most important aspects that everyone deserves is a kind, trusted and communicative partner who can help you through this experience. Sharing concerns with your sexual partner will provide emotional support and a teammate with whom you could tackle this problem together. A supportive and understanding partner will help create a safe and comfortable space for sexual exploration.
There’s only so much we can do by ourselves. As sex is a lifelong activity, consider consulting with a healthcare provider or sex therapist. They can address underlying medical issues, offer therapeutic techniques and provide guidance.
Striving for a healthy sex life with self-love, consideration, value and respect is a principle absolutely worth working toward. It may take time, but it’s worth it. Be patient and love yourself.
If body image issues are affecting your sex life, please read this column from one of our Playboy Advisors. It may help.