Being receptive to trying new things is a wonderful quality in a relationship. Talking with your girlfriend about possibly having anal sex, however, is a little more complicated than ordering dinner from a new restaurant.
The Anal Conversation
Anal sex is becoming increasingly popular. While it can be incredibly pleasurable, it’s important to approach the act with care and respect, especially as beginners.
Before trying anal sex, have an open and honest conversation with your girlfriend about your desires and any concerns she may have. Be vulnerable and courageous as you reveal this sexual preference you’d like to explore. Discuss any boundaries or limits and ensure that you’re both comfortable. Consent is essential and can be revoked at any time for any reason.
Have this conversation ahead of any sexual acts because horniness clouds judgment, and it wouldn’t be fair to propose the idea during the heat of the moment. You may also bring it up during foreplay just as an idea for the future, instead of it being a request for that sex session.
As much as you talk about it, it’s possible she may still say no. And no means no, you know?
Crowdsourced Tips From Experience
One man went on Reddit’s r/ sex community seeking advice on how to talk to his wife about anal.
Some Redditors shared their wisdom through personal experience:
“It depends on the girl. I first tried it because he was very interested in my ass, and I’ve always been ok with ass stuff. So one night, a little extra wine and we quite enjoyed it,” u/ MrsJRF wrote. “Not gonna say it’s become an every time thing — far from it, a few times a year maybe — special occasion type stuff here and there.”
“Reality is I gotta be fall-down horny AND very relaxed, which is a very rare combination. If she’s the least bit hesitant, her butthole will not cooperate and it’ll cause pain, which means that ship will sail,” u/ MrsJRF added. “If she finds it degrading, that’s a much steeper hill to climb. I find it horny and filthy fun, but yeah if she equates it to ‘gross’ … that’s gonna be a hurdle. You can ask. She can decline. And that’ll probably be that.”
The “slow and steady wins the race” incremental approach:
“I got my wife interested and loving anal by not pushing for anal sex. I did this by starting with rimming, which led to a finger, and then she asked for anal,” u/ One_Entrepreneur8989 wrote. “It took probably about 1.5 to 2 years of rimming and some finger play to get her asking for anal sex. Imo – I believe this path showcases the sensitivity and enjoyment of playing in that area, and it dismissed any idea that I would be grossed out or disgusted about any type of smell or whatnot – as I was diving in tongue first and coming back for more.”
First Time Anal Sex Tips
If you’re new to anal sex, there’s one thing you want to know before you start: cleanliness, especially in this area, is next to godliness. It’s a good move to clean both before and after the act with a mild soap. Some people like to do an enema too, but it’s far from a necessity.
When you’re getting started with the act itself, it’s best to start slowly and gradually increase the intensity. Begin with gentle touch and explore the area with your fingers or an anal-approved sex toy. This will help your girlfriend relax and be more comfortable with the sensation. As some Redditors mentioned above, nerves can make a partner’s muscles tighten in the area. As long as your girlfriend still consents, consider exploring with smaller toys until she feels more comfortable.
Because the anus doesn’t naturally produce lubrication, it’s also important to use plenty of lube through the experience. It’ll help reduce friction and prevent discomfort. Water-based or silicone-based lubes work best as oil-based lubes can weaken condoms, which are always a smart idea.
And most importantly, if something hurts, stop! Reassess. Pain is not a normal part of anal sex. Back up to the earlier steps, or take a break and try another time if things don’t feel right.
So you want to learn how to eat ass? Lucky you! Read Playboy’s Tips for Anilingus.
