The year is 2025 and dating — like many aspects of life — is quite dynamic. When getting to know a prospective partner, many questions will naturally arise, but is something like body count important?
Bluntly, “body count” is a slang phrase that refers to the number of different individuals that a person has had sex with throughout one’s life. It’s a phrase that also is associated with misogyny, as women are often heavily judged for having multiple partners while men are praised for it.
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As the realms of Reddit suggest, many people are worried if a female love interest has a high body count. In rarer instances, some women are worried by it too. Can you trust a person who’s had dozens of partners? Will they want to cheat?
Since it’s such a hot topic, PLAYBOY sought out the advice of professional experts to weigh in on what body count really means–if anything at all.
Does Body Count Matter?
Certified sex therapist Dr. Kate Balestrieri had several engaging insights on the matter. Dr. Balestrieri, who is the founder of Modern Intimacy, told PLAYBOY, “The short answer is no, the number of sexual partners you have had does not change your worthiness as a person, nor does it affect your capacity to connect with people.
“The term ‘body count’ can, in fact, increase sexual shame, objectification and reduce the propensity for reciprocal pleasure. The term’s roots are deeply embedded in cultural narratives shaped by purity culture, sexism, and imperialism,” the author of What Happened to My Sex Life: A Sex Therapist’s Guide to Reclaiming Lost Desire, Connection and Pleasure continued.
Sex writer and Spectrum Boutique founder Zoë Ligon echoed similar sentiments on the subject, stating, “Body count is a personal statistic that can be as important or unimportant as you make it! Whether you have been intimate with zero or infinite people, it’s all about how you feel. What is considered to be ‘a lot’ of sexual partners to one person will seem like ‘nothing’ to someone else.”
How to Deal With a Partner Worried About Body Count
It’s sadly common for women to find that a potential romantic interest has concern about body count. If someone brings this up, it’s a red flag that they may have certain beliefs molded by purity culture and misogyny.
Read more: How to Know You’re in a Toxic Relationship
It doesn’t mean you have to run in the other direction, but it is a time to consider if you want to try to educate the person, and if that’s emotional labor worth taking on for you. If it is and you decide to present your point of view, know that many people may be defensive about the topic, so proceed with care and caution.
If your romantic interest is receptive or interested in hearing your point of view, that’s a good sign that means they hope to understand both you and the topic better, so that’s also worth keeping in mind.
Something to Keep in Mind
It’s important to understand that everyone has unique sexual experiences in life, and having had one partner or 100 partners doesn’t change who a person is.
While patriarchal belief systems will continue to push these narratives with the aim of making women feel ashamed, we can choose not to accept that judgment. A healthy, well-adjusted partner will not be worried about how many people you’ve slept with in the past, and be focused on present and future dynamics in their own sex life with you. From there, aspects like trust, respect and communication play a much more significant role in nurturing authentic, shame-free love.
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