Curiosity can lead to wonders. If you’ve thought about satisfying your sexual appetite in new ways, the universe of BDSM has plenty to offer. Here are some tips for safe, consensual and exhilarating exploration.

What Is BDSM?

There’s no simple way to encapsulate the extensive world of sexual practices. To that end, BDSM is an umbrella term used to describe a wide array of roleplaying scenarios and sexual/non-sexual practices.

BDSM offers far more than leather and ropes. There’s a reductive misconception about BDSM being just about inflicting or receiving pain, which are the sadist and masochist BDSM archetypes, respectively.

To satisfy your sexual appetite, think of BDSM as a buffet of kinks instead of a single dish. It encompasses acts that can pleasurably explore power dynamics, consent and physical sensations, such as bondage through restraints.

Other examples of BDSM activities include acting out fantasies through roleplaying (example: pretend you don’t know each other for a one-night stand), sensory play (example: deprivation – you can use blindfolds and earplugs) and impact play, which can include slapping and flogging.

What Does BDSM Mean?

It’s a little tricky as BDSM is an acronym with layers!

B — Bondage: Using ropes, cuffs and whatever else to restrain movement. It’s a classic kink.

D/S — Discipline/Domination and Submission: Being in control and having no control is at the root of this Dom/Sub power dynamic. Consider it a sensual safe space if you have control issues.

S/M — Sadism and Masochism: The consensual inflicting or receiving pain. Just like a delicious spicy meal — it hurts so good.

Consent in BDSM

The absolute requirement for any sexual activity becomes ever more essential when lines can seem blurred. Pain can be involved, restraints may be present and sometimes “no” does not mean “stop” such as in consensual non-consent scenarios.

Clear, ongoing, and enthusiastic consent is absolutely crucial. Consent can be revoked at any point for any reason.

Communicate with your partners(s? *wink*) about expectations, boundaries and safewords.

What’s Your BDSM Kink? The BDSM Test

What do you think about acting like a brat — a reluctant, naughty submissive — who enjoys a brat tamer’s lessons and discipline? Perhaps you just want to sit back and watch (consensually). What if you love being watched? Do you want to rig people up with restraints or do you prefer being the rope bunny?

Also, not everything is about sex! Some kinks don’t need to be sexual whatsoever, such as the “owner” and pet” archetype.

Take the BDSMTest, review a Kinklist or fill out a comprehensive BDSM checklist. Consider it an exercise in getting to know yourself. Be honest! No guide or test can fully define you, but they may lead you in the right direction. 

Preparing for BDSM Playtime

The moment of truth. You’ve prepared ahead of time. You and your partner know what you like, what you may like and want to try. More importantly, you know everything you will not do. You’ve established hard limits and boundaries you will not cross.

You’ve also set up a safeword or phrase that stops everything. Respect the no-fly zone (Read more about safewords here).

There are hard limits — things that will NEVER happen. However, in BDSM there is also an emphasis on “maybe.” For example, someone may not normally want to put painful clamps on their nipples, but if they’re forced to do it, then they may enjoy it. Gray areas, blurred lines, communication — you get it.

Grab your gear — lube, toys, chains, whips, whatever you have in mind. And from the bottom of my heart, have fun.

BDSM Essential: Aftercare

You’ve probably learned much about your sexuality after exploring your inner kink. Now, it’s time to debrief with your partner to truly understand the experience. A good aftercare session will make the next time even better. Clean up your equipment, soothe any discomfort or pain. Perhaps a post-chaos cuddle session with your partner to discuss what you liked and didn’t like is in order.

The point of all this? To feel good by exploring the depths of pleasure and your sexuality. Stay kinky, everyone!