Editor’s note: This story previously appeared on Playboy.com and was written by Sophie Saint Thomas.
Could sex be the enemy of death? If we’re talking in a cis heteronormative context, this theory could apply to literal reproduction. In a pleasure-oriented context, sex makes us feel alive and allows us to become our most primal selves, defying death through the merging of bodies and orgasmic high. But what happens when the great kinksters of the world add the threat of death to sex? It’s time to up the ante. We’re talking about going all the way, which, for some people, is knife sex. Or, as the beautifully perverse minds who enjoy such erotic stimulation call it, knife play.
“I was first introduced to hematolagnia [blood fetish] when I was around 18,” says U.K.-based sex educator and pro domme Lady Ness. “It started off in the form of vampire fetishism, where I explored neck and thigh biting that drew blood.”
“It quickly became clear that I preferred giving rather than receiving,” Ness says. “The vampiric element hasn’t stuck around eternally, but exploring blood and knife play has. It feels edgy and sets me into a mindset that combines extreme lust and deep concentration, due to having to be aware of safety and your play partner’s reactions.”
Making it to home base doesn’t mean penis in the vagina; that’s as straight and vanilla as a diner milkshake. For knife play practitioners, it means breaking out the knives. But while Ness may enjoy drawing blood, piercing the skin is not the sole goal of the kink.
“Knife play tends to be more fear-based, so it’s more of a psychological type of arousal,” says psychotherapist and sex therapist Dulcinea Pitagora. “It’s about power dynamics because the knife top is literally wielding power over the knife bottom.” (Dibs on Knife Top as a band name.) Think of engaging in knife play like having an edible: You want to start low and go slow. First, try integrating blades into your dirty talk. The submissive may whisper, “Daddy, hold a knife against my throat while you fuck me.” If you want to take it further, obtain a very dull blade, which the dominant partner can hold or “threaten” the submissive with during sex. The visual of pointing a blade at someone or looking up to see the point of a knife coming down at you is so exhilarating that no bloodletting is necessary.
Knife play is an example of edge play, which does not refer to the edge of a blade but is an umbrella term for kinky activity that pushes the envelope of what is considered safe, sane and consensual. S.S.C. is an acronym used by the kink community, but one person’s edge play is another person’s casual Tuesday night.
“What’s edgy for one person might not be edgy for another person,” Pitagora says. “It’s the riskier behaviors—anything that involves potential bodily fluids or breaking skin—that pushes someone’s edge. You may think of edge play as deliberately pushing someone’s boundaries, but what that is depends on the person. Everybody’s boundaries are different.”
For some, the visual of a knife may be more than enough. Often kink or sex clubs, such as New York City’s NSFW, will incorporate knife play into performances for members to watch. A dominatrix dressed as a nun may run a knife down her submissive’s body or use it to carefully scrape off candle wax. “It can be done in a fun way where it doesn’t have to be about cutting, it doesn’t have to be about bloodletting—it can be about intimidation,” says NSFW founder and chief conspirator Daniel Saynt. For such moments, the audience is always on their toes, holding their breath and boners while a glistening knife glides gently over a breast.
But let’s set the record straight: Sometimes knife play is gentle and performative; other times it is exactly what you imagine. “I used a razor blade to cut his back and chest while we fucked, and let his blood run onto me,” says Carrie*, a 50-year-old woman from Texas, about knife sex with her ex. “I’d lick it off him and paint us with it. As it dried, we’d stick together. Over the days afterward, I’d see the cuts healing. Once he was healed enough, we’d do it again. He kept it to areas that would be covered by a shirt.”
At the risk of stating the obvious, cutting someone is not exactly the pillar of safe sex. But before you judge the edgy kinksters of the underworld, consider that you may have engaged in blood play without even knowing it.
“Let’s say they’re having mainstream sex and somebody is digging their fingernails or scratching someone’s back,” Pitagora says. “Somebody might bleed. I’ve heard people think it’s cute or funny, but it’s kind of a similar thing. Except for knife play, I would say people tend to talk more.”
The world of BDSM, like so many subcultures, has learned to take care of itself. Kinksters know the stakes are higher, which means constant communication, setting boundaries, establishing safe words, rehearsing scenes and even learning medical skills.
“If your intention is to draw blood, then you should do it in a location that’s safe,” Pitagora says. “You should not do it near a major artery or where there are veins you could cut.”
And don’t forget to leave out cookies. “Other essentials are gloves and sterile medical equipment—and cookies and ice cream,” says Lady Ness. “Because these acts can trigger the sympathetic nervous system, blood-sugar levels can drop, so having something sugary on hand is important. I also have an emergency foil blanket, as some subs’ temperatures can drop.”
Knife play isn’t casual, even if it’s not as scary as you may think. The intensity doesn’t have to be written in blood but can be expressed through a human bond. You should only engage in edge play with someone you know and trust, not for monogamy reasons but because you want to communicate and prepare without fear. It’s not cool to slit and split; knife play requires aftercare, a kinky term for taking care of one another after a scene.
“Aftercare is whatever brings the power exchange from the scene back to equilibrium,” Pitagora says. “For some people, it’s having vanilla sex. It’s the palate cleanser that takes you to a better place. There’s a release of tension because once you do a risky scene with someone and it goes well then it can bring people together to feel emotionally bonded.”
Adding knives, which are typically associated with violence, into sex, a beautiful and messy act of violence, can not only make you feel alive but closer with your partner than ever before. “I think part of the appeal is the power aspect—that I had the power to potentially really hurt him,” Carrie says of knife sex with her ex.
With edge play, you don’t need to leave a scar, even when knives are involved, to stay alive in a former lover’s mind.
“Blood has always fascinated me. The smell, the taste, the way it dries and changes color and texture. Having someone share theirs with me was very intimate,” Carrie says. “I’ve never felt a bond like that before. It was so powerful. I won’t say ‘magical’ because that’s corny, but it was very special.”
*Last name withheld for privacy purposes