Editor’s note: This question about a discussing kink comes from the inbox of Cate Osborn, frequent Playboy contributor and Playboy Club creator. We highly recommend you follow Cate on Instagram for more of her wisdom.
Q: Before I ask this question, I feel the need to state that my dick is a perfectly regular, average size. That being said, holy fuck do I think it is hot as fuck when I watch/listen to ‘small penis humiliation’ content. I don’t know if I should ask my fiancee if she’d be interested in experimenting with me in that realm, or if it’s super weird and I should just keep it to myself?
Cate Osborn: Is it? Is your penis totally “average and normal”, you small-dicked bitch? (j/k, gotcha). To be the bearer of some truly boring, if not reassuring news, small penis humiliation (SPH) content – especially audios, is some of my best selling and most popular content over on Mostly Pans. I get, easily 10-12 requests a DAY from fine folks just like yourself who are interested in going down the road of humiliation and degradation kinks. To be completely honest, I get it. I take a lot of pride in my accomplishments and talents that tend to skew towards the academic, sometimes it’s just delightful to be informed that no, actually, I’m a just a dumb slut. Y’know? Takes some of the pressure off.
From a science-y, psychology educator based-standpoint, interest in humiliation and degradation can be deeply personal, but there tend to be trends surrounding the “why do I want to explore this thing?” For many people, there are some power dynamics at play- the scintillating taboo of breaking social norms, the catharsis of consensual emotional release- all of these are factors that can then also be stacked on top of exploring different power dynamics and ways of expressing vulnerability. For lots of people, the amount of trust and intimacy it takes to be able to ask, give and receive humiliation is often just as significant, if not more, than the actual act. Knowing you and your partner are so connected that you can play around with humiliation and degradation is….well, kind of hot.
Read More: Dear Playboy Advisor: My Friends Think My Kink Is Weird
I must do my due diligence, however, in telling you that kinks like this MUST be approached with mutual consent, lots and lots of trust, lots of discussion, and ongoing communication about what works and doesn’t work. It is *totally* okay to stop and say “actually, that might be a little bit TOO mean”, or “comments about my body are on the table, but please do not insult my intelligence”. Kink is infinitely customizable to your wants, needs and desires–as long as your partner is *also* mutually on board. Don’t spring this on her mid-romp, have an actual conversation about this. You might want to have some examples on hand to give her an idea of where the boundaries are. Remember that discussion is not a guaranteed demand- she has every right to tell you that she isn’t interested (or try it once and decide it’s not for her).
You’re not weird or bad or wrong for wanting to explore a less-than-conventional desire with small penis humiliation- just remember to approach from a place of curiosity and enthusiasm. For me, it can help to share the *why* of a thing: “I really want to explore humiliation and/or degradation with you because it makes me feel naughty and excited and a little dirty for wanting to be called such terrible names. Is that something you’re interested in exploring with me?”
As your resident kinkster, I will also kindly remind you that aftercare will be important in these scenarios. If you already know what works for you- great! If not, talk over with your partner how you’d like to feel afterwards- do you want to feel comforted? reassured? validated? safe? All of the above? Just like kink, aftercare is entirely customizable to your wants and your needs, so remember to take care of yourself- and your partner, if you do embark on this journey together.
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