The Yawn

Harris had everything.

He had clothes (closetsful)

girls (closetsful)

and money (closetsful)

In a phrase-Harris had it made. He drove his own sports car. Zoom. He owned his own hi-fi Roar. He worked for a boss who loved him "Here Harris-Take more money! Yes-his was a dream world, rich with all the good things, rife with all the blessings that made life worthwhile.

And then one day (in a very quiet way) It all began to go wrong.

Harris was in his sports car, zooming serenely along at 80 m.p.h. and just as he took a corner at 65 --

he yawned.

It seemed unimportant at the time. Harris forgot about it --

till the following evening, while listening contentedly to his Hi-fi-just in the middle of an alto solo which always reached him --

he yawned.

The pattern had begun ...

He yawned at parties.

He yawned at Brigitte Bardot movies.

He yawned while making love.

To his utter dismay Harris realized he was bored. Something had gone wrong with his way of life.

"I've been corrupted" he said.

"I must change my values," he said,

Which he did. He switched his sports car for a motor scooter He switched his hi-fi for stereo He quit going out with models and started up with airline hostesses But none of it made any difference.

Friends now beginning to notice, delicately offered advice.

It's a common problem Harris. You've removed yourself from the land. Go out and plant.

It's a common problem, Harris. You haven't realized yourself creatively.

It's a common problem, Harris -- Maxine -- Me. 6-1712

Slowly a change came over Harris. He found that after a while he didnt want to stop yawning.

"You've got to stop yawning" friends told him. "Its socially undesirable" to which Harris in all honesty had to reply ...

Yawn - I couldn't careless.

So he lost his friends

"You've got to get aroused" girl friends told him. "Its traumatically unhealthy."

to which Harris in all honesty had to reply ....

Yawn - I couldn't care less

so he lost his girl friends.

He liked being bored. Through bleary, half closed eyes, no world problem seemed serious

No rejection could have any meaning. "For the last time, Harris, Stop yawning or you're fired!"

No discovery could cause disillusion. "Harris I feel that I should tell you now. I've never had a license to practice."

Harris saw that boredom was the answer! It could be mankind's tranquilizer! Boredom multiplied by millions could turn the world into an untroubled paradise! A veritable garden of monotony!

And now, Knowing this at last, Harris saw that it was wrong for him to hide the message.

"I must spread the word" he yawned and so he began his career as a revolutionary.

He went back into the world that had shunned him.

And he yawned proudly, openly, and often!

Yawn

He yawned at cocktail parties, at restaurants, at sports car rallies.

yawn

Yawning spread across the land like wild fire. It was the new craze.

People yawned at work

at play

in school

and in government

"What an interesting phenomenon" said the sociologists-

"We really should do a paper on it."

But nobody did anything. Or thought anything. Or felt anything.

Then Harris looked over his work -- looked over the contented mass of yawning faces --

And he said to himself "This is all my doing!" and he felt a growing sense of achievement -- of satisfaction --

"I did all this! Me! Me! Me!"

To which the people, in all honesty, had to reply- "We couldn't care less"

And suddenly it dawned on Harris -- he was no longer yawning he was no longer sleepy he no longer wanted to lie down and not care less. "No time to waste! No time to waste!"

He was alive with plans! Why, the potential for boredom had scarcely been realized. He had to design a letterhead, form committees. Boredom workshops must be set up to fully integrate monotony into the social life of the community!

"So much to do- So much to do!" cried Harris.

and he ran off, wildly, to start doing it.

the end.